Wasnt sure where to post this. It may come out as a bit of a jumbled rant. Please bear with me.
Growing up my dad wasn’t on the scene, it was just me and my mum. I remember being very clingy and attached to her at a young age. When she’d leave me with other people (family, friends etc) I would count down the hours to her coming back. If she was late even at a very young age I’d immediately start thinking she’d been in an accident or something. I believed all she said and thought her word on everything was factual. We have always been close and I would say she was a good mum mostly and did her best, but now I have dc of my own I do sometimes think certain elements of her parenting weren’t great. She’d drink a lot, go out most weekends.
Following the death of her long term partner a few years ago our relationship has suffered. She turned to alcohol ( always been a big drinker anyway but this was when it got out of hand) and despite trying to help her initially I have had to put some boundaries in place. I won’t talk to her or be around her when she’s drunk.
My mum likes to make me feel bad about things all the time. Her mum (my gran) has had some health issues which mum has been helping out with. If I ever question her drinking her instant response will be it’s because she’s stressed as she’s doing everything for gran alone as I don’t help. She doesn’t mention the fact that I have young dc and a full time job.
She has let me down too many times to mention and honestly she is a shadow of herself and now living a very small, miserable life but doesn’t want to change or seek help.
The reason I gave the backstory about my childhood is because when your parent is telling you something I feel like you believe it. I have always listened to her, followed her advice, even on my wedding day she told me to have my hair a certain way which I did then looked back at the photos and hated it. I just believed her. I know that’s trivial. But my point is I can’t make sense of who is in the wrong because I just feel like even as adults we hold our parents on this pedestal of knowing best. Am I a shit person because I haven’t helped out more? Am I wrong to question the drinking?
The way she’s been acting and treating me these past few years - so many drunken incidents, ending up in hospital after falling, making it so I don’t feel safe with my dc being with her alone, letting me down in plans, refusing to stop drinking or get help - I just don’t think it’s right. And if it were a friend doing it I’d probably have cut them off by now. But it’s so much more complicated both practically and emotionally when it’s a parent.
Im so sorry I know this is a rant. I suppose I just wondered if anyone else has been in this situation of knowing deep down a parent isn’t acting right but struggling to accept it because, well it’s your parent.