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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Stuck in the middle

39 replies

Patriciathestripper1 · 17/01/2026 16:35

my husband keeps picking on our daughter 19. He picks at things she does, criticises her and calls her fat. She has problems around food and watches what she eats as she puts on weight easily. He knows this yet he will call her piggy and tell her she has a pigs tail then say she can’t take a joke when she gets upset. This causes me to step in and tell him not to say things like that then he will a go at me for getting involved. There are only 3 of us at home and I tend to play peace keeper a lot. We have been together 25 plus years now and I feel as though for a lot of that I have basically tiptoed around him trying to make our family work. He seems to be getting harder to live with or perhaps I am just getting sick of it all. Aibu for stepping into arguments they have or should I take a step back and let them figure it out? I can’t stand the things he says to her and also me. My daughter says she basically hates him at this stage.

OP posts:
Rattai · 17/01/2026 16:36

He sounds disgusting.
Why are you still with him?

rubyslippers · 17/01/2026 16:37

He speaks to his own daughter like that?
he’s a bully
I bet he’s really horrible to you as well
he won’t change - he sounds horrible to live with
you’re a peacemaker because he’s unreasonable and nasty

Timble · 17/01/2026 16:40

Absolutely stand up to him. I would speak to him privately and let him know that each and every time he says something to your DD you will get involved and make sure he knows how disgusted you are with him. I would never allow my dh to speak to our children this way. Your daughter’s self esteem will lessen each time he makes a comment. If he is genuinely concerned about her health then there are ways to help that do not include making her feel worthless.

InterestedDad37 · 17/01/2026 16:41

He's a complete arse!
Has he got any flab? Any moobs? Go to town taking the piss out of any faults he has! What a twat!
And don't put up with living with someone you have to tiptoe round. Don't make your happiness second to his moods.

PinkyFlamingo · 17/01/2026 16:42

Seriously? What's wrong with you! Get away from this awful man , you're letting him verbally abuse your DD and this can have a lasting emotional effect on her

Dancingdance · 17/01/2026 16:42

You are just as bad as your husband because you aren’t standing up for your dd. I’d divorce him.

NewsOfMidLevelPortent · 17/01/2026 16:44

No wonder she hates him! That's not how you speak to anyone, much less your own daughter. I'd be looking for an exit strategy for you and your daughter.

MadamCholetsbonnet · 17/01/2026 16:44

He’s a horrible bully who is abusing your DD. Have you considered leaving him so she isn’t exposed to this dreadful man every day?

NerrSnerr · 17/01/2026 16:44

She will either run far away and you’ll barely ever see her or she’ll lack the confidence to launch and be stuck being bullied until he dies.

Or, you could leave him and she can have a safe space with you away from him.

Pinkchilli · 17/01/2026 16:45

Yikes I would not let anyone speak to my kids like that. You should be Intervening and probably thinking about your future with him

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 17/01/2026 16:46

I'm not surprised your daughter hates him. What a mean, nasty, asshole. HE is the one that is the pig in your household not your DD.

My DH and I have a DD who is the same age and I can't even begin to imagine him being that cruel and nasty to her. Why he would want to make her feel so bad about herself is beyond me.

But I am sorry, if my DH said stuff like this to our DD I would be packing our bags. Might sound a bit OTT but I am gone. I would NOT allow her DF to talk to her in that manner and we would not be putting up with it. Its bullying. If she were at school and other kids were calling her these names it would be bullying so why is this not the same?

Take your DD's side here, all day long, and protect her from his words.

Kick this loser to the curb.

Createausername1970 · 17/01/2026 16:59

He is out of order.

My FIL was like that. He said some stupid things to our DS. He thought he was being funny, but he didn't like being on the receiving end.

You both need to speak up and tell him that these comments are not funny, they are hurtful and he is damaging his relationship with both of you.

NeededANameChangeAnyway · 17/01/2026 17:19

He calls his own daughter piggy?? That is terrible behaviour.

thereare4lights · 17/01/2026 17:24

That doesn't sound like being stuck in the middle, that sounds like your husband being a bully and you defending your daughter. Don't let him make you think you're in the wrong and keep defending her. He sounds awful. I have a 19 yeat old. There is no way I would let my husband talk to her like that.

Willowskyblue · 17/01/2026 17:28

Why would you allow this to happen and subject you daughter to this abuse? No wonder she hates him, and you too, I imagine, for saying and condoning it.

AwfullyGood · 17/01/2026 17:34

Are you insane?

What the well are you doing, staying with a man that is abusive to your daughter?

You are complicit and enabling this abuse.

Absolutelydonewithit · 17/01/2026 17:43

Ah no - I’d be out of there, taking my daughter with me. There’s no way I’d allow anyone to speak to her like that. Op, you need to think really hard about this. Maybe today will be the day you completely lose your shit and put a stop to his nasty talk. She needs your support. No wonder she hates him. Personally, if that was me and it didn’t stop I’d be out the door. He’s the one who’s a pig.

YourPoliteLeader · 17/01/2026 17:45

On the basis of your OP, I hate him along with your daughter.

ForLoveNotMoney · 17/01/2026 17:48

Sorry OP but why are you letting this awful man abuse your daughter? Is he awful to you too?

JackGrealishsCalves · 17/01/2026 17:48

Awful, have you told him (away from you DD) the damage he can do by talking to her like that?
If yes and he still doesn't care i would be questioning your future with him. It's awful that he thinks it's OK to speak to anyone like that, but to his own dd?

thistimelastweek · 17/01/2026 17:49

Yup, I'm hating him too.
And here is my first LTB.

GottaBeStrong · 17/01/2026 17:49

Patriciathestripper1 · 17/01/2026 16:35

my husband keeps picking on our daughter 19. He picks at things she does, criticises her and calls her fat. She has problems around food and watches what she eats as she puts on weight easily. He knows this yet he will call her piggy and tell her she has a pigs tail then say she can’t take a joke when she gets upset. This causes me to step in and tell him not to say things like that then he will a go at me for getting involved. There are only 3 of us at home and I tend to play peace keeper a lot. We have been together 25 plus years now and I feel as though for a lot of that I have basically tiptoed around him trying to make our family work. He seems to be getting harder to live with or perhaps I am just getting sick of it all. Aibu for stepping into arguments they have or should I take a step back and let them figure it out? I can’t stand the things he says to her and also me. My daughter says she basically hates him at this stage.

Have you ever considered if you might be with someone who is abusive? The fact you said you feel you've been tiptoeing around him and trying to make it work makes me wonder. Also, when you call him out on his behaviour, he blames you.

YourPoliteLeader · 17/01/2026 17:50

You’ve been told to leave him in the past over other issue.

But you don’t.

Maybe now it’s your daughter suffering, you’ll be motivated enough to take action

Dillydollydingdong · 17/01/2026 17:52

Isn't he supposed to be her protector? It's his job to care for her, love her and look after her. NOT do his best to destroy her, humiliate her and make her miserable. You need to step in and sort this out NOW!

inmyera · 17/01/2026 17:55

my dad used to call me a piggy and at 45 years of age, it still affects me. still have major issues with food and body image. he's a bully. I'd get rid!