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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

AIBU or sensitive??

22 replies

PinkChick · 13/06/2008 10:22

My second cousin is getting married this summer.
My other cousins (her first cousins) got their invites last week, my brother (who's daughter is bridesmaid) is obv already going and is taking his ds along too (unsure if brothers wife is going or invited as she atacked and blinded my brother earlier this year!, his wife HATES me BUT her and cousin whos wedding it is get/got along well-before this incident anyway?)

My mum told me last night that this cousin is NOT inviting ANY cousins as her fathers side is very big and so wouldnt invite any cousins from her mums side....

So here's the part thats bothering me....

her first cousins (all one family, 3 of them all with partners and children) are all going, my brother (her second cousin) is going with his two children and maybe the loon who attacked him (although this would be a kick in the teeth for him too)...so the ONLY Cousin left............is me.........and i havent been invited?????????????????????????????

So its not a case of no cousins going, its actually just ME thats not going????????????

i talk to this cousin, we text occasionally and met up last at christmas, i send cards(though this is never recipricated)..so am i being overly sesitive here or is this out of order?
i understand you invite who you want to a wedding, but to say NO COUSINS, then invite all but one..????????????????

OP posts:

hertsnessex · 13/06/2008 10:25

YANBU. She is being out of order if she is inviting the rest of your family.

Tommy · 13/06/2008 10:26

maybe a bit odd but you have to remember that brides go a bit mad when they are organising their wedding.

I would try not to worry about it if you can - and if you do get invited - it will be a bonus (if you want to go - I wouldn't go if there was a crazy loon going.... )

TotalChaos · 13/06/2008 10:27

The touch of dishonesty about the the "no cousins" thing is bloody annoying, but YABU about the invite - as you aren't all that close, and it's their choice really who they invite. think of all the money you will save on wedding clothes, presents etc!

Anna8888 · 13/06/2008 10:28

Being overly sensitive. Your second cousin can invite whomever she wishes to her wedding.

themildmanneredjanitor · 13/06/2008 10:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fluffybitoffun · 13/06/2008 10:29

Your brother's wife attacked and blinded your brother? Wtf?

That aside, it's not the bride who's said that she's not inviting cousins, it was your Mum. Was probably said to spare your feelings.

She can invite who she likes.

Original poster

PinkChick · 13/06/2008 11:39

as i said i know she can invite whom she wants at her wedding...none of us see each otehr regulary (she only saw my brother in hosp after the attack, which is also the last time i saw her), but i dont get the bit were everyone of her cousins is invited except me, the only thing i can think off is if brothers crazy wife IS going and as cousin did get along with her, maybe she wants to keep me away as she knows we dont get on?..but in all honesty, its her who had the thing against me (she was jelous of the relationship my brother and i once had), she made up lots of lies about me and i ignored her so as not to cause a fuss..but if this person IS going then SHE will not be made welcome by any one else in our family after what she did to my brother so....?????

OP posts:

Original poster

PinkChick · 13/06/2008 11:41

fluffybitof fun, yes she stuck a glass in his eye..no remource(sp) whatsoever.
And its was the brides mother who was asked to pass on(yeah i know !) to my mother than NO cousins were going??

OP posts:

Fluffybitoffun · 13/06/2008 11:46

Well, it's all a bit confusing but I think a likely scenario from what you've said is that they don't both you and your brother's wife in the same room as you can't stand each other (I can understand her worrying if this woman is as volatile as she sounds).

So, they've decided only to have one of the pair of you there. As your neice is bridesmaid they can't exactly not invite your brother and his wife, so they're not inviting you.

TBH, I think you need to forget about it - I wouldn't bat an eyelid at not being invited to a 2nd cousin's wedding, unless we were close, and you've already said you're not.

Fluffybitoffun · 13/06/2008 11:48

Sorry, just realised that you don't know if the evil wife has been invited.

She would have to invite your brother though if his daughter is bridesmaid, so I don't really see your point at all. Presumably that's why your brother is going and you're not.

Original poster

PinkChick · 13/06/2008 11:50

yeah same as dp says FBOF, but we used to be very clsoe, always in each others housses, sleeping over even going out drinking together up till few year back..i know the breakdown was because of this bitch but i cant believe im being pushed out of my own families wedding for her(if that is the case, if it isnt then im at a loss to know why?)

OP posts:

Original poster

PinkChick · 13/06/2008 11:51

thats my only idea of why i wouldnt be invited FBOF, 'if' she was going..i dont know that she is as yet? and obv brother is going as his dd is b/maid but to me it stinks

OP posts:

Fluffybitoffun · 13/06/2008 11:51

Sounds like your problem is with this woman your brother is married to and not your 2nd cousin.

I would leave the wedding out of it, they are stressful enough without people starting grudges over them.

Original poster

PinkChick · 13/06/2008 11:54

..no..when i was told last night that no cousins were going and i was then told wella ctually they all are apart from me it got me to wondering why?? and thats the only thing i could come up with..im not a violent or agressive person so if i had gone i would have steered clear, its not my day, why on earth would i cause a prob on someones wedding day..as i say that would be my only explanation which is why i mentioned her

OP posts:

orangehead · 13/06/2008 11:54

Over sensitive, weddings are very arkward if you have to stick to numbers, obviously they have to invite your brother if dd bridesmaid. At my wedding I only invited family and very close friends and that came to 100. There was close friends (not very close but still close) but we just couldnt afford to invite but I would of loved for them to come and I felt very guilty about it. Weddings are stressful enough give your cousin some slack

howmuchchoccanIeatb4iexplode · 13/06/2008 12:05

yanbu - i would be very hurt if all my siblings were invited and i wasnt. If you and the bride are friendly though i would contact her and ask her. Chinese whispers and all that

lowlandlady · 13/06/2008 12:17

I would be hurt but some things in life we just have to take.

It's like not being invited to a party at school when it seems like most of the class is going.

It's painful I know but there's absolutely nothing to do but wear it.

I wouldn't make any contact yourself. If anyone else makes contact it puts pressure on the bride and groom. I think you have to just accept it however unpleasant. But on the plus side you get to miss a wedding! I generally can't bear them so I would consider myself well out of it!

hanaflower · 13/06/2008 12:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Heifer · 13/06/2008 12:24

I wouldn't ever expect an invite as a 2nd cousin tbh, and the only reason your brother is invited I bet is because he DD is bridesmaid...

I didn't invite a single cousin or 2nd cousins to our wedding so bet that upset them..

They probably only invited the cousins under duress so can understand them drawing the line under 1st cousins...

lowlandlady · 13/06/2008 12:27

I was pressured very heavily to invite a cousin who I can't bear and he repaid me by getting smashed and following guests home and generally acting like a demented stalker.

Which is why I didn't want to invite him. But his mother doesn't want to accept that he's beyond all human help.

I so regretted it!

Not saying that your situation is the same but the invitations should be in the gift of the b & groom imo!

NotABanana · 13/06/2008 12:29

Maybe you aren't invited as you stuck up for your brother over the glassing incident and the bride is a friend of your SIL?

Original poster

PinkChick · 13/06/2008 13:08

NAB you could be right !.

Going abck to the second cousins bit, that makes us sound distant, like just long distance family, we arn't like i say we regulary spent time together only up to 5-6 yesr back and even now, still email and send texts..even talked about the wedding in great depth when we were all at hosp to see brother.

i totally agree that you invite who you want to YOUr own wedding, i just dont get why all my family(second cousins, aunties..even my mum) have been invited and not me?

OP posts:

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