Childminder and kids grandma

[Birchtree1]

I am currently going through a nasty break up with my partner of 15 years.
He was emotionally abusive to wards myself and our kids and also physically abusive towards the kids.
Going through court currently and ex partner only allowed 2 hours supervised contact at contact center and 2 phone calls a week.
I have a lovely childminder ( older lady) she has looked after my kids for the last 7 years. Before and after school when i am at work and whole days during school holidays. She quite frankly is a godsend, flexible, great with the kids, loves nearby. She does almost feel like an extra grandmother.
My problem is that my ex partner mother has asked my son for childminders phone number to be able to speak to her. She also spoke to her when my son rang his grandma while at the childminder and asked for information on my other child who was at hospital at the time.
It is normal for my kids grandma to give a couple of token gifts to the childminder previously to us separating. I am talking £10 max, or a homemade jam etc.
This christmas she send a usual giftbag through the kids at supervised contact and my childminder told me there was cash in it for "a nice meal out" .
My ex partners mum has NEVER done this before.
I feel unhappy and unsettled about this.
It is MY childminder. I found her, employed her, sort out her hours and have ALWAYS paid her fully from my salary. My ex partners mum has nothing to do with her. ( my ex also contacted my childminder over christmas and new year)
Their grandma has my phone number and can contact me about the kids if she wants.
I have a non molestation order in place against my ex, there is /was a lot going on. It is making me feel anxious.
I have spoke to my childminder and told her it makes me feel uncomfortable. She listened and agreed but i also dont want to make her feel uncomfortable and under pressure
AIBU to feel this way/ that this isnt ok?

I cant do this and judge was clear he could call his father whenever he likes/wants.
He used to call our son up to 3 times a day prior to court order. Son is at secondary so has a phone now but it ischeavily restricted re access an times. It would call a massive issue if i'd tell him he cant call his dad when he wants. Dad already has tried alienating kids against me. Younger child doesnt have a phone.

Sorry, I assumed he was younger as he was with a childminder.

With all due respect, I'd call her a liability. She certainly isn't a professional (which childminders are, as they are registered with a regulatory body).

Given your history, I understand why you want to put the blame on your ex, and he deserves some of it, but you also need to take responsibility for some of the safeguarding failures. Have a very frank discussion with your babysitter regarding appropriate communication, and if it is not followed, seek alternative childcare.

I thought that all paid childminders had to be registered. Or are you not in the UK?

Is,there a reason your son still needs a childminder at secondary school age?

What an odd question. The OP has said she can be out of the house for 11 hours on workdays.

My DS and DS continued to go to a CM for a good while after DS started secondary as I didn't want them both coming home to an empty house and DS having to be responsible for DD.

They'd been to the CM for years and it was a home from home.

I find it hard to imagine why you would need to question that, and that's without even factoring in that there has obviously been a very difficult time for the family and the ex can't be trusted given there's a non-mol order in place.

Just as a foster carer secondary school children without any special needs would encouraged by children's services to begin becoming a little more independent for an hour or two after school But I apologise I did not realise it was for 11 hours at a time. Sorry!

My son has suspected asd/adhd. I dont want him by himself for 3 hours plus in the afternoon/ evenings several times a week.
I have spoke to my childminder. She is on board but its not her fault if and when she gets contacted by ex and his mother. She now knows not to say anything about the kids.
Also she is amazing and the kids love her, feel.safe with her and this is very important.
Social services are involved. And have been for a good while due to the abuse/violence.
My children have had and are having a hard time. It hasn't been easy for them and I want to make sure their life is as calm and settled as possible.

Also near where I live there is a total of w child minder. One we tried 8 years ago and the kids hated it there. Only telly, doing nothing else. The other childminder was full at the time and doesnt cover holidays.
Also holiday clubs are age related and nearest ones would be a 30 minute + drive away and they dont open from 7 am until 7.30pm which is what I would then need due to my commute. And I also have zero family support.
But thank you all for your replies.
I appreciate all of them!
It has shown me that this is not acceptable from my ex and his mother. I have already sent an email.to the solicitor.
I dont know why contact center didnt intervene with the phone number giving during contact. But at least they logged it so there is proof.
My childminder would also be doing a statement if necessary. But there will be no fact finding hearing. Just gp, police, school reports and social services doing the section 7.
Photos of bruises on older child. Logs ( i guess time stamped) when I wrote.down stuff that happened.
I am.not always very good at expressing myself and standing up for myself but I guess that comes with the territory if you've been in an abusive relationship for years.

Apologies! I see now your question came from a good place. I mistook you for one of those posters who thinks it's fun to tear strips off the OP

You need to remind your childminder she is breaking the law talking to anyone other than who is allowed to about your kids!!!! It’s a massive breach of gdpr and also with police and court involved she is putting herself at risk of being charged with aiding and abetting your ex!!!

As an ex nurse and working previously with foster kids she knows FULL WELL that her behaviour isn’t on!! The CM is breaking yours and your kids confidentiality and breaching gdpr!!