How do u motivate yourself to be social?

[Timetoleavefd]

Is the following normal or is something wrong with me?

I’m trying to make changes in my life and for too long I’ve isolated myself and just kept to myself. I’ve been depressed for many years and thought this year is when I will change.

I agreed to plans with a friend on Tuesday for an outing in London with the kids for today. Problem is it sounded good on Tuesday but right now I regret it and I’m in a terrible mood for agreeing. I know it will be nice for my kids as they do nothing on the weekends but I’m exhausted, I’ve had a tough week at work and the house is a complete mess, I’ve got a million things to do but because of my anxiety I can’t focus till I’ve come home from the meet-up. I’m not the type to cancel so of course I will be going but I hate feeling like this.

We are meeting in a part of London near her so it’s around the corner for her but we have to travel an hour or so probably 1.5 hours door to door. I’m nervous about travelling on my own with the kids so I’m taking husband with me - he will disappear to the pub and leave us so he’s not going to be with us but he’s complaining about being exhausted too. I’m trying to put a smile on my face for the kids who are also complaining they want to stay home!

im just so fed up. Other people can just be normal and do stuff but why am I like this?

Push the negative thoughts out of your head op and push through it. The tidying up can wait, the housework can wait. Don’t make these things huge in your mind. It’ll get done. It’s better to face your social anxiety head on and just do it. Focus completely on how good it will be for you and how the kids will enjoy it. Tell your husband he’s only travelling with you, there’s no other onus on him, and make a decision in your head to enjoy yourself. Have a lovely day x

@Absolutelydonewithit thank you. I’m worried I will make all this effort and come home even worse than I was feeling. I tend to analyse everything. Having a husband who couldn’t care less about socialising I feel keeps me stuck in these patterns

Good on you. I’m like this, but have copped out and I am hibernating this month instead (I live alone). So I admire your resolution.

Keep thinking of the bigger picture. You have identified a problem in your life (isolation and poss depression?) You have made a resolution to be more social and taken action. Now you just have to follow through. Not easy I know.

Will the house being in a mess and all the other stuff matter in 5 days, 5 weeks, 5 years? But I bet having a better life balance and socialising will matter in 5 years. You are working towards a goal to change a habit, and it’s a process - something you will have to keep practising until it becomes the new habit.

So don’t expect to enjoy each venture in the early days - you are having to push yourself out of your comfort zone and that will be hard. And because this is new to you, it will be a learning curve to find out what you enjoy and what works for you. So you now know next time to make the venue nearer to you etc etc.

So remember to see the bigger picture and realise this is good role modelling for your children, so it’s their future you are making better as well.

Only good can come from going! Good luck and just try and admire beauty or
nice things when you are out. When I feel like this, I actively search for pretty or nice things to admire eg someone’s beautiful shoes, a cute dog, a tube worker who has a nice smile and kind word. It does wonders to distract oneself from this kind of anxiety. There is a whole world of beauty out there in unexpected places and people.