Baby in your 30s

[theprincessthepea]

I had a baby at 20 and at 30. So that’s my comparison.

Whilst I am more mentally mature and capable at 30 (in my opinion) - I feel like my body has aged 10 years 😭 after having my second - in terms of aches and pains - everything clicks. And I wish that this was more of a conversation. I went back to my baby yoga (baby is now 2) and spoke to my teacher about all my aches and pains, and she mentioned getting some sort of pelvic MOT - private of course. I would have never thought it. I’m a size 10, pretty active (used to run pre birth but started getting knee issues) but my body aches. I’ve probably lost more core strength than I thought.

AIBU for wanting more support for post birth recovery. It doesn’t help that we barely get health visitor support post birth anymore.

Although on MN everyone says they popped back, every conversation about post birth I’ve had with my friends that have had babies after 30 has been about hip pains that won’t go away, prolapses, back aches, sciatica.

Not to scare anyone, and maybe it’s just my friendship circle. But should there be more awareness - did you have any post birth fitness regime (not to loose weight but for pelvic/bone/muscle health).

I say this as a 30 something year old rolling out of bed with hip pain and a clicking back - unable to enjoy when my 2 year old asks me to carry him. This post is triggered by rants with friends.

Im going to guess that the majority of posters on here had children in their 30s, it's the peak age for childbirth is it not

I can't relate to anything in your post and it's not representative of any conversations I've had with friends, I know plenty of women who've given birth in their 40s and don't feel even slightly decrepit.

Your friendship group isn't not representative of my life experience at all

Haha, wry laugh, now try doing it in your 40s!

Your situation sounds fairly unusual at 30 OP, being unable to carry your child etc, have you sought medical advice? I wouldn’t just put this down to age, you don’t have to put up with feeling like this because you’ve had a baby. I do think there are a lot of mumsnetters having babies at 40 and pretending they are still as energetic and healthy as a 20 year old, but your case at 30 isn’t actually common so don’t talk yourself down.

I had my first baby at 33 and my second at 37. I struggled much more with aches and pains during my second pregnancy, and I've found the birth harder to recover from too.

I had DS four days before my 39 birthday. Spent almost 4 years with intermittent back/ pelvic pain, stiffness, and couldn't go on long hikes anymore. Everyone I mentioned it to seemed to accept it as normal, that's what happens when you have a baby.
Until a visit to the chiropractor (for a locked-up neck) revealed that my pelvis was ever so slightly out of place, and was tilted forward on one side. Presumably it shifted during labour. He put it back and all my symptoms disappeared. No more back pain, my energy levels improved, and I could wear my high heels again. ( he wasn't so impressed when I told him that last one 😆)
So don't accept stiffness or aches and get checked out by a qualified chiropractor/ osteopath/ physiotherapist, especially one with experience in birth injuries.

But your body HAS aged 10 years. Did you expect that everything would be the same physically at 30 as it would be when you had just left your teens?

Whilst you're fairly likely to have a problem-free pregnancy and birth at 30-ish, you are more likely to have issues than if you have a baby at 19-20 years old. And the further past 30 you are, the more likely there is to be issues. That's why I never 'get' why women decide to have babies past 38-39 years of age.

JMO.

All that said though, at just 30, you should really not be experiencing everything you are experiencing, and it does sound a bit concerning. Consult your GP, see if you can get some blood tests.

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I had my kids at 34, and a day before turning 39. All aches I had were present in my teens (hyper mobility) but I can scoop up my 2.5 year old and carry him on my shoulders for half a mile plus with no issue.

Get your bloods checked. Check your thyroid, your vitamin d, your iron levels etc. You experience is not usual for someone in their early 30s.

My grandma had my mum and her sister at 21 and 24 and then another sibling at 38. She says the experience was wildly different. She didn't bounce back and felt she actually never really recovered. With the ones she had in her 20s, she said she got up and was doing chores the same day, had zero problems, got her figure and fitness back immediately. She really struggled with no.3

No this isn't usual. Only 1 out of 10 in my pregnancy class has issues 6 months later, and she's getting physio. We're all well over 30. We do live in an affluent city so none of us are over-weight and we all went to mum work outs, pilates etc before and after and could afford physio where needed. It does need work: I run, swim and do plenty of core exercises as well as pelvic floor to try to get my strength back so that I won't have problems with the next pregnancy. I needed physio for stiff shoulders that were causing wrist issues picking up the baby

What's the connection between an affluent city and not being overweight?

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/258167862_Obesity_and_socio-economic_groups_in_Europe_evidence_review_and_implications_for_action_Brussels_European_Commission_2007_httpeceuropaeuhealthph_determinantslife_stylenutritiondocumentsev20081028_rep_/figures?lo=1

Every statistical measure going and has been known for a long time. Think how much publicity it got during Covid due to who was dying. You're being disingenuous.

I had my first 2 as teens one in 20s and one when 31. Only with the 31 one did I get sciatica. However I was in the best shape of my life and my body did snap back.

I have four DC - born when I was 31, 34, 37 and 41. I haven’t had any of the problems you mention, except for a bad lower back which I put down to carrying babies/toddlers on my hip. I think it’s just the luck of the draw whether you get these problems or not, I’m certainly not one for any sort of exercise (I did go to aerobics before I had my first but that was it as far as exercise goes)

I don't think it's age-related. I was 34 and not at all active, had a vaginal birth and have had no issues except a tiny bit of wee escaped when I sneezed for a few years. I'm 41 now and have just taken up running.

YANBU that when issues arise we are expected to get on with it. I have read about some horrific C-section injuries leaving women incontinent - just met with a shrug and "At least you have a healthy baby".

I haven’t had a baby in my 20s really (first at 29 almost 30) and two more in my early 30s. I am EXHAUSTED. My body does feel old and used up. Lots of bits of my body have aged rapidly recently. I think having a baby at 22 for example is probably better in terms of nature. It’s okay our society isn’t set up that way.

if I’d had a baby straight out of uni it would be looked upon that I had failed and ruined my life.

Let me guess, you also think over 35 is "middle aged" and over 40 is "old"?

I have had four babies between 32 and 41, including a set of twins.

Each pregnancy was progressively harder with worsening hip/pelvic pain (SPD?). I was on crutches toward the end of the last pregnancy, and basically didn’t walk anywhere.

After each birth (all c sections in case that makes a difference) the hip pain disappeared immediately. For my last birth I was wheeled in to hospital in a wheel chair clutching my crutches, and I sent the crutches home with DH from the recovery room as I was already “cured” of the hip pain! Immediate relief as soon as the babies were delivered.

Obviously it took time post birth to recover core strength. Years each time. But I didn’t need help with that beyond what’s on YouTube.

I think it’d be great if help is available to those who need it. But I think only a minority would actually need it. Maybe this help is available if you go via your GP?

Babies born in my 30’s literally destroyed my body! I was a fitness instructor who exercised up to 4 hours a day 6 days a week before and after…omg my pelvis is stuffed!! But I will say that yoga is also the LAST thing you should be doing!! Pilates yes and yoga no!!! Our ligaments and muscles are already over stretched from pregnancy and birth and hence why yoga is the worst thing to do after! Pilates and strength training - body pump or even just power walking which is actually one one the best exercises you can do as it works every muscle in the body and also tones up and loses any excess weight and is also a lot better for the joints than say running - horrendous knee breaking activity! And also running destroys your face - they don’t call it “runners face” for nothing!
go and see a decent osteopath too as you will be massively out of alignment

manduca baby carriers are fantastic and even with a broken back and pelvic injuries I carried my 20kg toddler in this as it takes all the weight away from shoulders and back etc and is the only carrier that actually does what it says it does and the rest cripple you in my experience

It’s all very individual. I had my first baby at 41 and looked and felt pretty much like my old self within a few months. Apart from the zombie like, vaguely stupefied appearance due to sleep deprivation. Same with my second child at 45, but less of the zombie as he was an epic sleeper. I can’t say I’ve had any long lasting debilitating effects. I had no problem lifting and carrying either of them. DS1 used to randomly sit down in the middle of the pavement and refuse to move when he’d had enough of walking, so I had plenty of practice! I would say I’m suffering the effects of being an older mother now that they’re teenagers, but that’s a whole different conversation.

Wow, a lot of scaremongering on here.

I had my first baby at 31 and my second at 33.

I run (it hasn't aged my face one bit 🤣) and I weight train and am in excellent shape, it's kept me fit and healthy and full of energy.

Not everyone becomes the crypt keeper at midnight on their 30th birthday!

I had a baby at 25 & 35 & I was perfectly fine health wise during pregnancy & during/after the birth/recovery. Biggest difference was energy levels looking after a baby/tolerating sleepless nights. Seemed a doddle in my 20s but it had me on my knees in my 30s.

I think what everyone forgets in this conversation is that carrying 2nd or subsequent babies is harder than first ones - pregnancies generally get harder on your body the more you have. It’s not so much an age thing - a 37yo having first baby is probably still better off than a 27yo having third! A lot also depends on luck, genetics and overall fitness pre pregnancy, and any combination thereof. I’ve had 5 babies, first at 22, last at 35, and the hardest was my third when I was 27. Easiest were first and fourth. Was a runner before third but knees were permanently knackered afterwards so no more running for me 🤷‍♀️ but otherwise pinged back with zero effort every time. It’s just luck of the draw

I think everyone is different, I had a baby in my early thirties and felt like I'd been hit by a bus in the months after, then had another at 40, felt full of beans afterwards, no aches or pains. No idea why as you'r think it'd be the other way around!

I had my 1st at 35 and 2nd at 36. I was fit and healthy before having my first child, so I think that put me in good stead. No prolapses or joint pains, just bloody knackered 😂

Buy a new mattress .