To up DDs days at nursery?

[hedgehogshibernating]

DD turns 3 in July and I’ve put her down to increase her days in nursery from September. At the moment she only does two. DH thinks it’s silly and unnecessary. I guess I’m just looking for others’ views. I work two days a week and that’s her current nursery schedule but I think three will be better in terms of transition to school.

Why does DH disagree with you - is the cost of the extra day too much? Or maybe does he not think you "need" the day with your work schedule?

Either way I think you can make it work!

I guess he just sees it as not really needed and so yes cost. I just feel like going from two days to five at school is a lot, and also as lovely as she is filling three full days home with a toddler is a lot … it would be really nice to have a bit of time to myself!

Surely cost will be partly covered by the funded hours anyway? Obviously DH might be earning over £100k and exempt but then he can surely agree to some sort of help for you.

3 days at home with a child is a lot. If he doesn’t want her in nursery more, he’s welcome to drop a day and spend it with her. But he won’t do that, because it’s a lot of work. I agree it would be better in transition to school. Rather than 3 longer days though would maybe 2 long days and 2 mornings work?

I’m really reluctant to do two mornings as all the activities we enjoy are in the morning so it would only give me one day to do those. Plus petrol costs etc would be higher.

She gets fifteen hours when she’s three so I think that’s the two days (more or less) so the third day would be an extra.

I would do it. With the funded hours, it shouldn't be much more, and it generally does help with school readiness. At 3 my daughter had firm friends at nursery and loved seeing them - developing independence is helpful - and was having skills she would need for school reinforced whilst having fun (she is an early September kid, though we saw similar with the younger ones).

That said, even kids who are at nursery 8-6 can struggle with school as it is a whole different ball game. I didn't entirely understand how true this was until DD started school and a lot of the kids were knackered and disregulated for a while (similar happens in y1, as it is a big step change).

Thank you. We’re only entitled to fifteen funded hours so it probably will be a good £300 on top of that, but I do think it’s worth it

Oh come on. Sometimes toddlers are hard work. And it is completely fine for a mum to need a small amount of time for herself. All I ever am is the manager at work then immediately the mum. And I work from home so never get even a small break. Breaks do not make you a bad parent.

That’s exactly what we did with both. Two days till 3, 3 days once funding kicks in (our bill went down for more days though as we are in Scotland with the 30 hours). It’s worked really well for us. I now have one day a week without kids at home and no work that day to get stuff done and it’s wonderful!

@HK16 that is really not a very supportive post and it’s downright rude, to be frank. You could easily have said the same in a way that didn’t question why I had her.

She has plenty of time with me and always has. I took twelve full months off on maternity leave with her where she was with me every day. She then started nursery in order for me to work: she did three days a week for the first year and since September this has been reduced to two.

I do believe time with a parent is valuable but I also believe that parent needs to be valued themselves. She’s more or less dropped her nap now and I’m struggling a bit to fill three full afternoons a week. We play with toys, do puzzles, attempt to read books (although dd has very firm ideas about which books she’ll engage with) do baking and cooking … I don’t think I do a bad job but she does obviously have a short attention span.

Spending more time at nursery will mean the school transition is less brutal and will help with routines and navigating friendships which she doesn’t massively benefit from at the moment as she isn’t there enough. It isn’t just to give me a break, although it is worth pointing out I have not had one since 2021!

I can say with some confidence I am not a bad parent and any suggestions I am won’t be engaged with.

If the hours are included in your funded ones then yes. But if you have to pay extra to send her the extra day then no. She doesn't need the extra day to help with the school transition.

Hiya @hedgehogshibernating. My little ones do/did 3 days and are fine so no issue from that perspective but I don’t personally think it matters whether you do 2 or 3 from a school transition perspective. School is a big adjustment for them all - some find it fine and others struggle but I’m not sure that 2 versus 3 days would make much difference. I see lots of posts on here about changing childcare arrangements to prep them for school but personally I don’t think there’s a right answer. Spending lots of time with Mum is good and so is going to a nursery they love! So whatever you choose I think will work x

Won’t going from two spaced out days (Monday to Friday) then full time school, bearing in mind she will only just be four when she starts) be a bit of a shock?

Just trying to think what’s best for everyone.

No, some children don't even go to nursery before school. It's just something that they all have to adjust to regardless of what they did before starting. You know her best though.

I don’t blame you for wanting some time to yourself, but don’t kid yourself it’s for your DD's benefit. It won’t do her any harm to go up to 3 days, but equally it’s not "necessary" to do it to get her ready for school (even when the current two days are spaced out).

I’m not kidding myself: I’m thinking of what’s best for everyone. I do think more time at nursery will mean she is a bit more settled there and has some stronger friendships and relationships. Of course, it’s good for me too but I don’t think it’s without benefit to her, which is largely why three year olds get fifteen hours of funding irrespective of what their parents’ situation is.