Support from my husband

[YourTealCat]

So, since the birth of our daughter my husband has tried multiple times to support me with multiple things I.e getting our daughter to bed but I have always had this guilt where I would take our daughter off of him if she cried for too long instead of allowing him and her to become comfortably with one another. Fast forward a couple of years, similar parenting patterns have continued and now my daughter is completely dependant on me to the point I cannot use the toilet without her by my side. My daughter loves my husband and they have a great bond but recently move than ever (age 3) she only wants me and has started being rude to my husband telling him to go to his room and not to speak to her which makes him feel terrible! Have I over stepped the mark here? Should I have been more patient? My husband feels like an outsider and at the same time wants to help which I pick him up on when he doesn’t but when he does help I only want it done my way? I can see why he backs away from his duties as a dad at times.

Sounds like you've made a rod for your own back.
It's late to introduce, but you need to let him crack on and not give in to your daughter requesting you. He's perfectly competent.

Sounds like you are ruining your daughter’s relationship with her dad as well as your marriage. Why do you think it’s ok to be controlling like this?

You need to totally back off sometimes. If he's giving her food, then you go upstairs or go out and let them do it. Go out all day for a weekend day and let them have a lovely time together - or he takes her out for the day, but I think being at home doing mundane things is probably better. They need to build this up.

This. Leave the house at bedtime, and give her a consequence for being so rude speaking like that. Literally leave the house, even if she’s crying. She needs to learn and unfortunately you created this problem

You’ve made him an outsider
I suggest you start to leave them to it from now on to break the cycle
Surely it also drives you mad that you can’t even go to the loo - that’s bonkers

What are the consequences for her rudeness? Why are you so controlling?

I’m sorry this comes across as a bit harsh but I do feel for your husband and tbh I’m surprised he’s put up with your controlling ways. You are in danger of spoiling what relationship your daughter has with her dad. The whole situation is your own doing. I agree with what others have said you need to back off. Go out for the day and allow them time together. As for your daughter’s rudeness if not already been done she needs to learn there are consequences. I do think she’s picking up on the way you demean your husband i.e. by insisting everything is done your way.

You have to trust him, no stuff won’t be done your way but he loves her and you’re treating him like an idiot. Stop it, step away and let him parent for the love of god!

What did you expect to happen if you stepped in every time? He was trying to help you and build a bond with his DD,. You won't always do things the same way that doesn't matter. You have undermined him and taught your daughter that he isn't good enough.
Sorry if that sounds harsh. You need to sort this out as others have said go out at bed time and let him get on with it. Poor man must feel like he has failed.

You need to leave them alone and go out.

And she doesnt get to be rude to her dad