Aibu DH

[CanIBuryDHinthegardenamongthegnomes]

I have a chronic illness so my energy levels aren’t great & i struggle pyschially, I wake up very early around 5am and can’t get back to sleep.
We have two dc.
Ds15 has autism & learning disability and struggles with falling asleep (refuses to take melatonin!)
DS11 type one diabetes so im constantly up & down in the night as well doing injections or hypo treatments.
I don’t work due to my own illness and regularly get phone calls from the school. Dh works part time.
dh is always up late till around 1-2am as a result doesnt do school runs as hes tired from being up late he gets up around 10am and then goes to work but hes home by 7pm.

my gripe is that dh expects me to get them ready for school (which is fine) but then stay awake till both dc are asleep. Ds15 can be awake till gone 2am meaning I would be averaging 3 hours sleep. Aibu to think this is utter sheer laziness on his part?

I just cannot manage it im always asleep by 10pm if not eariler, soon as ds11 is asleep so am I. dh does do other things like cooking a few nights a week & helps taking dc to appointments or paperwork but thats it. I just feel mentally burnt out but should I be doing it all as im the default stay at home parent?

Tell him no.

Absolutely no way you should be doing a 24/7 full time job raising the kids alone just because you don’t work - especially when he only works part time! You have the kids when he is working and you split the remaining chores and childcare fairly between the two of you!

That's ridiculous. Why does he need you to stay up of he is up til 2am anyway? He is an adult and should be competent enough to manage his children.
On a separate note, can you take naps during the day when kids are at school? You can't be feeling great on so little sleep.

I try and sleep in the day but can’t always manage it. My brain doesn’t seem to let me constantly thinking about what I need to do or the pain keeps me awake (cannot take heavy painkillers incase dc need me) etc.
I have no idea why he wants me to stay up, but he’s always complaining I go to sleep too early 9/10pm in my eyes is a normal time to go to sleep especially when I wake up at 5.

The problem is, OP that lots of posters will tell you that he is being unreasonable, which he is but if you decide to break up your marriage, can you look after the children on your own? If you were a single parent would life be easier and less complicated? If not, is there a compromise solution?
You want to go to bed very early and wake up early. He is an owl, unfortunately. Can you establish some guidelines for both of you so that you meet in the middle and spend some quality time together. It sounds as if your sleep is very disordered which is a red flag for developing dementia. You need help to have long periods of quality sleep. Might you be able to do some outside work. Helping in a charity shop for a couple of hours might be a breath of fresh air for you and give you a taste of life outside your home.
Some posters are very good at piling on the husband but if you have no choice but to stay with him because of your disability/ illness, you need to find a way to make life better for you both.

Problem is I can’t have long periods of quality of sleep. My son is diabetic, if nobody gets up with him he can die in his sleep ive asked DH to do it and give me a break but he’s doesn’t wake up to the alarms or claims he cant hear them downstairs on the night 🙄. There is no compromise Ive asked him to get up eariler but hes just miserable if he does. Im miserable if I stay up late with him as Im exhausted.

If your husband won’t compromise, you will have to learn to sleep during the day. Alternatively, move another bed into your son’s room so you can be on hand if he needs you during the night. You will get a better night’s sleep in a proper bed.
Your husband is working and you have a disability. You have to adapt somehow. People who do shift work learn to sleep during the day and you will eventually. Set aside a time for a long nap at the same time every day and make yourself lie down and close your eyes. It may take a few days but eventually you will sleep.

If your child's diabetes is so poorly managed that you are up multiple times at night then you need to go back to the Dr and ask for a review of their treatment, and a different way of management, so an implant for example so you can rest better as would have an alarm to warn you if levels dropped, so you'd not need to manually go check.
Other than that, yes, your husband is BU

I don't think you should try to stay awake until 1 am, that is craziness. Your husband refuses to compromise, that doesn't mean you have to destroy your own health to make him happy.

I think you should go to bed at 9 pm (or even earlier if you can make it work) and add an afternoon nap to your schedule.

Is part of the problem that your husband won't manage the insulin at all, leaving it all on you? That won't work because it is way too much stress to lay on one person.

Your husband sounds horribly selfish: won't help with nighttime insulin, hence forcing you to get up multiple times each night, but also expects you to stay up until 3 am with your older child and then wake up at 5 am to get them to school. Does he think you're a robot?

100% this.

Your husband is being an utter and total dick but obviously you don’t want to risk harm to your child. You need to go back to the doctors if your son is regularly needing treatment to get him through the night.

With your other restless son. I would either be telling him to stay in his room and do quiet activities until he feels tired or sit him on the sofa with DH while you go to bed and get some decent sleep.

I don't understand. Why do you need to stay awake until your older DS is asleep?

10 pm is not “very early.”