To expect DH to put toddler to bed/wake up for her beyond two days?

30 replies

Artmumcreative · 15/01/2026 19:59

I'm utterly exhausted. My DH is supposed to be sleep training our toddler because I'm pregnant with our second baby. After two days of being quite successful he told me that I need to get used to settling her myself because he's working (more than) full-time, including late evenings in a job that he isn't even happy in. I breastfeed our toddler twice a day, maybe three times, and when I try to settle her in her room she just wants milk (mornings, evenings, and for naps unless she falls asleep in the pushchair).
AIBU to think that sleep training is the job of the parent that isn't breastfeeding/attempting to wean their toddler off breastmilk?

Any tips/advice?

OP posts:

PollyBell · 15/01/2026 21:13

Artmumcreative · 15/01/2026 20:28

I smell like milk, DH doesn't. One of my friends sleep trained before she returned to work months ago and her DH still does the night-time routine/waking because my friend also smells like milk. Our toddlers want our milk. It's not an excuse to get one up on our husbands, the men doing the sleep training just means that it's less upsetting for our children because they're not even tempted to ask for milk. I'm the one that gets up with our toddler in the morning, he doesn't bother.

You can justify it however you want you are the one that stays home he doesnt, sure if he quit his job and you went back to work I would totally agree with you

Haveyouanyjam · 15/01/2026 21:31

I think this depends a lot on how old your toddler is and what their communication is like. If they can talk and understand then you’ll be better off weaning from breastfeeding than ‘sleep training’

Eenameenadeeka · 15/01/2026 21:54

Do you also work, op? I don't think it's unreasonable to want him to help with weaning, but it depends what it actually looks like as you are calling it sleep training. Hard if he works a lot of evenings as well.

Barnbrack · 15/01/2026 21:56

Spoodles · 15/01/2026 20:09

You need to just stick to what ever routine she's been doing so far. If she's used to you nursing her to sleep then that's always going to be an issue when you eventually put her to bed alone.

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Have you breastfed a toddler?

strongermummy · 15/01/2026 22:11

I would not try to sleep train a breastfed toddler whilst pregnant. And yes. I did bf whilst pregnant and tandem fed and know lots of mums who did.

id also separate out here what you want.

if you need a break and feel touched out and need OH to step in. Say that. If he needs to be at work get a babysitter. And that is the discussion with him. Ie. Yes I can manage Friday Sat Sunday and Monday but for the rest you either need fo be here to support me or I need a babysitter or I’m going to ask mum / auntie / best mate to stay

toddlers change their wants and needs regularly. So. I wouldn’t bother with night training. It’s unlikely to work.

I would catch a break tho. Go away. Leave toddler with dad. Relax. Recharge. A rest is sometimes all that is needed to refind our mojo x

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