Son missing 4 weeks of school- AIBU to have expected some sort of contact from them?

[SecretBeans]

My son is in year 9, 14yo at a super selective grammar school. So of course they are very hot on attainment, keeping up etc.

DS has an operation next week and he will be off school for about 4 weeks. He will be “well” but unable to go to school physically.
I got the op date mid December and sent all the documents to school. Heard back quickly back from attendance officer who said all signed off. Didn’t hear anything back from form tutor. It was coming to the end of term so whatever. Assumed I would hear something back after Xmas.

Still haven’t heard anything from form tutor. Even a quick call to say hope the op goes well, we will/will not send work home, or even “actually your son needs to gather work to do” or just anything really.

At the end of last week DS (at my request) asked her to call me. She said she was working on it and would phone me.
The operation is now in a couple of days and I have not heard from her or anyone.
At parents evening yesterday not a single teacher knew he would be off (except the PE teacher). They were all bit “oh” and hastily started making notes.

I have just emailed her again and copied on HoY which feels a bit “snitchy”.
It feels a bit shit really and like the school don’t care about him.
AIBU?

If he needs surgery, does this mean he has a condition that may be regarded as a disability? The SENDCO could be a better liaison than the form tutor - as there isn't just the time off, there's whether he will be well enough to work at home and whether he'll need his timetable looked at for any access issues, such as needing ground floor classes (which can take some time to arrange or may mean he needs to be allocated supervision where it isn't possible to change rooms for the entire class) and if he'll need additional adjustments made upon his return.

So he's not even off yet? I don't think this is a problem, he'll need to have his op and recover then they'll maybe consider sending home work.

I don’t think he could be classed as having a disability, but I am worried about him physically accessing stuff after, but only time will tell about the recovery. But this is exactly the sort of thing I would have hoped she would raise?

You're the parent.

If you want your kid to access work etc, you need to contact them and raise it.

Why would you hang around waiting them to make contact about it?

Contact the school and ask.

But if the op is intense enough to need 4 weeks off school for recovery will he be well enough to do any work?

We wouldn’t expect an adult who had been signed off work for 4 weeks to work from home instead.

I have contacted them twice and passed a message on also via my child. Perhaps read the post?

Not sure yet…. Basically I’m feeling unsure about the whole thing. I’m anxious for his recovery and also that he doesn’t fall behind.

You did the right thing be providing all the proof of why your son will be off, so they have no cause for concern. There isn’t much they can say to you, especially before he’s even off, and there is no real need for all of the teachers to be made aware in advance. By year 9, they probably expect your son to do what he can to catch up himself if he is able to, either by accessing the school website or asking friends what he has missed.

My ds went to a grammar school and although we never had to have such a long absence, students were expected to find out what they needed to catch upon themselves. It is not individual teachers jobs to provide work for every student they have off sick. They would never have time for anything else otherwise.

Form tutors aren't specialists in disability/physical needs, but the SENDCO would be far more likely to be familiar with having to arrange things for many children.

Could you say what he needs the operation for? It might help posters to make suggestions.

Given how frequently operations are postponed it's not surprising they have not informed all the staff that he will be off.

When he's off and has had the operation I would anticipate some contact regarding his return and what adjustments he may need. However this can't really be planned in advance as no one will know what that might look like until he's actually had the operation.

You might be better off accepting he will fall behind, and speaking to his head of year about how he can catch up closer to when he returns. He can also ask friends for a copy of their notes or what textbook chapters were covered etc

Surely he would just speak to each subject teacher himself and find out what, if anything, he should do while he's off? I can't imagine needing to take the lead on this for one of mine by the time they were 14, still less expecting their form tutor to.

I think you need to contact the form tutor directly not via the school attendance officer or your son. I suspect that the messages you sent to the school were forward to the school attendance officer.

I would phone and leave a message and also follow up with an email asking exactly what you want to know rather than just stating that he is having an op and the recovery time.

I hope his operation and his recovery go well.

He’s signed off medically.

teachers won’t normally send home work for students who are off for medical reasons as the presumption is that they are too unwell to do it.

get in touch with them after his operation if you/he wants to go back earlier then 4 weeks. Most schools will move lessons to ground floor/let him leave lessons 5 mins early if he’s on crutches or similar to move in empty corridors.

That’s pretty poor, it sounds from parents evening that the message can’t have got through to his various subject teachers that he’ll be off, as I’d have thought any work would need to be sorted out by the individual teachers.

Maybe they want to wait until after the surgery to see whether he’s up to doing any work? My son (also 14) had major surgery just over a month ago and is still off school. It’s a different situation to yours as he’s at a special needs school and won’t be doing GCSEs, so he hasn’t been doing any work at home, but he’s been far too tired to anyway, all his energy seems to be going into healing and learning to walk etc again. His school have been great though - lots of contact before to see if there was anything they could do to help, and messaging after to say they’re thinking of him and see how he’s getting on, then helping with a plan for phased return to school and sorting out what needs to be in place for him to return. I can see why you’re disappointed to have had no contact at all from them, especially when you’ve asked them to call and they still haven’t. Hopefully they’ll be in touch after the operation if you don’t hear beforehand.

I think that school aren’t unreasonable to wait and see how the operation goes first.

A workplace making plans etc prematurely could be seen as harassing or pressuring their employee.

yanbu to be concerned. I was in a similar situation with my son and it wasn’t possible to say how much work he could do at home until after the operation, never mind how soon he might return.

i hope that the op goes well 💐

I'm unsure as to what you think should happen.

You informed the school that he will be off. They noted it. Too far ahead to say, hope it goes well really. Did the informayion say anything about him possibly needing support when he comes back? If not, there's nothing to flag them needing to contact you.

When he's off they will know why. I wouldn't expect them to be told ahead of time as anything can change really. They are unlikely to contact you while he's off as it can be seen as being too pushy.

I also wouldn't be sending work home as if I was signed off for 4 weeks, I wouldn't be working.

If after a while being off you think he can work, as he's just resting and bored, you could ask for some work. They may not want to if he's off ill though.

Yes, he's likely to miss some things but that's less important than making a good recovery after his operation.

teachers won’t normally send home work for students who are off for medical reasons as the presumption is that they are too unwell to do it.

I agree with this, and I'm a secondary teacher at an independent school.

It's on you/your son to say "although I'm having this operation, I'll be well enough to study from home, please give me resources to do that".

Otherwise we will assume he needs to be left alone to rest, and will support him to catch up when he's back through extra help sessions or whatever he needs.

When you sent the documents 'to school' where specifically did you send them? If you sent to reception, they will likely have passed on to the attendance officer who has administered as necessary. Advising about an absence is one thing, determining the requirements for work to be addressed in that absence is a different thing and needs to be addressed separately

ok, understood. I manage people at work at if one of them was going to be off for weeks I would say “hey hope it goes well. Let me know you need any help planning your return” or some other nicety. I have had literal silence and this is from people who are supposed to care about my child, who has a job and volunteers and is a very mature and lovely boy but still needs help to navigate a big health challenge.
Of course in my first email I asked the form tutor to give me a call. Now it may have been that any call would literally have said “don’t worry, let him have the operation and we will be in touch afterwards” or “actually your son should tell all his teachers himself and gather work” or whatever. I think total silence is poor myself, and shows a lack of care but it seems that is me being unreasonable so I will reflect on that.

If I were you I would already have spoken to/emailed someone in an overseeing position - probably the Head of Year by the sound of it in your case. They don’t have Heads of Year at my DCs’ school, so in my case I would contact the Deputy Head in charge of academic matters.

I would explain the situation and ask for work to be sent for him. I would also expect my child to be very pro-active with this with asking his teachers both before he left school and after the operation when he was at home contacting the teachers by email/Teams etc to ask for work when he was ready if he hadn’t been given anything.

I would consider as an alternative emailing all his subject teachers directly to ask for work.

I wouldn’t expect his form tutor to sort it out.

Whilst your child sounds llike a lovely young man, that is irrelevant to the situation. There is also a difference in a manager/staff and school/student relationship - your staff have a responsibility to you and the work required

I think your expectations are too high.

It’s good you are being proactive in chasing the school etc. you need to get work for him to do whilst he is off and probably get some private tutors to help him too. Maybe even the lesson plans can be sent to you so a private tutor can go through the exact things needed and your son can email work in each week?

At the minimum the teachers should be able to tell you the topics being covered in each subject and you could buy books to support him.

It could be a lack of experience, knowledge or just because the start of term is massively overwhelming in terms of assessments, data drops, other urgent needs and the like, rather than a lack of care. Or yes, you could have a poor form tutor.

If it's that's serious an operation/condition, then the SENDCO would be far better a person to contact. They have the experience, the knowledge of what and who makes adjustments to timetables, can liaise with the HoY and other staff to coordinate the provision on online work (or confirm it isn't required).

Is it a grammar school that's a maintained school? If so, the school are supposed to notify the council of any child that's going to be away for more than 15 days due to ill health, so that the school and the council can provide educational support.

https://www.gov.uk/illness-child-education