Not wanting to give homemade jam to sickly friend!

[BeardofHagrid]

I mentioned to my friend that I was going to be making jam, which I have now done and it’s really lovely.

But it’s her birthday soon and I feel like she will expect me to give her a jar and will think I’m mean if I don’t, as she is really generous and has shared her own with me before!

However, my friend has serious digestive issues, gets food poisoning at the drop of a hat. She also is mega fussy and slags off other people’s cooking no end!!

So I don’t really want to share my jam with her, as imagine if I poison her (though I’ve sterilised everything). The thought of it is giving me anxiety.

Should I buy a jar of supermarket jam and whack my own label on it? Or is that going too far.

Overthinking much?!

Just buy her something else! She can't get sick from a nice scarf.

If you do your supermarket jam idea then she'll still think its your jam that made her ill, then how are you going to explain it?

I would say outright to her, I know you're really particular about peoples cooking and I would worry that I dont want to make you more ill, so did you want some of my jam or shall we leave it

Something like that.

She hasn't actually asked you yet, and even if she did, you could get her something else instead.
Why would she think you're mean??

Have you given homemade jam to her in the past? Did she hint she wanted a jar?

Just because you made it doesn't mean you have to gift it!

I would just buy her a nice present and leave it at that. If she asks about the jam, you could always say it didn't turn out like you hoped.

You are over thinking this far too much.

Tell her you haven’t given her any as it has an ingredient in that causes digestive upset in susceptible people

Buy her a jar of nice honey. All the sugars mean honey is massively antibacterial and she won't get sick 😄

Buy her something else. Kindly, you are overthinking

I would give to her, list the ingredients, and the rest is her problem! The gift is the homemade part, the fact you made it from your own hands, not the actual jam. However, different if she's going to be ungrateful for it....

Give her something else. Problem solved.

Has she actually asked?

It's unlikely she's getting food poisoning at the drop of a ha, unless she's extremely unlucky. There's probably something else going on. I wouldn't be giving her anything edible on any occasion.

There are worse things that happen at sea.

Sorry OP, I know this is important to you, and I’m absolutely not slagging you off for caring about your friend, but I just got out of hospital and I’m finding jam gifting worries a bit funny (I know I’m being unfair, since some people would get really worked up about this. But really, just give her a nice scarf and TELL her you don’t want to risk making her sick, so if she still wants some jam, she can tell you).

I know someone who won't eat anything cooked by someone else, even in her own kitchen. Buy something she can't eat.

“I feel like she will expect”

has she given you any indication of this whatsoever or is it all in your mind?

Christ I thought I was a mildly paranoid worrier.

I agree with others saying just buy her something else.

If she asks outright, say you don’t want to give it to her because of her digestive issues.

Yes, yes, I know I’m overthinking it, first world problems etc 😂 but I don’t have anyone else to ask, plus she’s the type of friend to make a drama out of nothing.

I will get her something else and say the jam didn’t turn out well. Thanks all.

Should I buy a jar of supermarket jam and whack my own label on it? Or is that going too far.

Just woman up and buy her something else.

Instead of fretting about the jam she hasn't even asked you to make for her birthday.

Your whole post is going too far.

Let her make a drama out of nothing,you will exhaust yourself trying to foresee possible problems. If that's what she does, have some stock answers which acknowledge she's the one with the problem and for her to sort,
"that sounds stressful for you"

Why are you getting worked up about giving your friend something she hasn't even asked you for? She's said and done nothing that suggests she's desperate for a jar of your jam.

I guarantee you that your friend is not going to give your jam a second thought. If someone told me they were making jam I'd say 'Oh, lovely, sounds like a nice thing to do' and would never think of it again. I certainly wouldn't be sitting there thinking 'Hmm, according to my notes, Friend mentioned she was making jam the other week, and I still haven't received a jar of it'.