Confused about my relationship

[Shani85]

I have been with my partner for 10 years. He has kids (older now in their 30s) i have kids also that are younger. We dont live together. Relationship started off really good we were going out alot doing alot of things together and great sex life. The past 3 years I would say things have died down. We used to see eachother 4-5 times a week now its about 3 times a week he stays over once a week now. He used to stay over 4 times a week but now he hardly suggests staying over and i dont suggest it either. Infact i now like him not staying over. I like having the ved to myself and watching what i want on tv. Going out and doing things together has also died down but when we do do things together now i feel abit drained around him. We have sex once every 2 months i would say but i have 0 sex drive. Where im confused is i know 100% i dont want to live with him (he wants to live with me) but i dont think i would ever want to live with anyone i like living on my own with my kids. Also im not sure if this is really a relationship or a friendship. When we go out anywhere its always me thats paying for things and he always does this thing before we go out where he tells me how skint he is! That instantly makes me feel drained and has also made me resent him abit that he never pays never tales me out or treats me. But he does do acts of service which i appreciate. If I need my car fixing he helps me if i need my garden done he helps me so I cant fault him there. Im also autistic so i struggle to understand my feelings. Im 41 and dont want to waste my time in something that isnt going anywhere but i think i would feel this way in every relationship i have.

Everything you’ve written in your post makes me believe you care for each other but the relationship is more of a friendship and it’s probably run it’s course.

I agree with the previous poster that the relationship sounds like it's run its course. Personally I'd finish it based on you paying for everything, you shouldn't have to do this and frankly, he's taking the piss.

I voted yabu because it's clear you are for some reason staying in a relationship that has waned and that you no longer want to be in. Perhaps time to say it's over so that you can both move on.

It's just fizzled out. Sometimes relationships do and that's okay. Call it a day.

The fact he never pays would give me the ick too.

He’s become a simple habit rather than a partner.
The relationship has effectively terminated itself, but you’re both hanging on because it’s ’what you do’.
You both need to wake up and make an active decision about any future you may have. I suspect it will be to remain friends only.

I agree with the posters above, it sounds like a relationship that has run its course and is now limping along in the slow lane because neither of you will call it out.

Seeing each other 3 times a week is still a lot, even if it is less than it used to be. I think it's great, knowing that you don't want to live with him, especially someone who makes you pay for everything and always claims to be broke. That is hardly likely to improve if he moves in.

I think you have to ask yourself - is he holding you back? The fact he doesn't want to do much suggests a mismatch? You are only 41, is he a lot older than you? Is he looking for a quiet life now his children are grown up?

Things have changed, and now you're just friends.
Don't entertain any talk of him moving in. He is skint/tight, and you are too kind/generous to him.