Seperation - asd

[13MAPARTHELL]

What to do - seperation 💔

Me and my OH are seperating, we have two kids, one with ASD & i struggle to cope full stop when hes not here most of the time. I am really scared (petrified) for the future and what this means for my kids as I do not have any support.

My kids are obsessed with their dad, and this will really impact them sadly.

Basically, no infidelity however he is very emotionally avoidant, to an extreme level & therefore I have no emotional support, having turned 30 and having kids with needs, I just really feel down about this and crave support given I really do need this & want this from a partner. A hug, or simple ‘are you ok’ but hes the type that will turn his back from you if you cry.

I feel like im being selfish and should just stick this out for the kids? As there needs are more important than mine and there welfare is top priority as well as my mental health, it is suffering but it would likely suffer more if I left

My question is - realistically, how do you juggle this push and pull? Do you wish you stuck it out? I do not have any other support 😭 with the kids

Me and my OH are seperating (sic)

How far down the line are you in this process @13MAPARTHELL ?

Very early, but saying that its been an issue for a while and i have started to mentally seperate myself for a good year id say? But its very painful experience - ive been asking him for a year how he feels about me and he just shrugs his shoulders. I said about seperation and he just said ok 😂

like ive dealt with SO much from admin, appointments, echps, authorities, medical professionals etc - hes watched me sobbing never asked me if i need help

You are describing my marriage but two sons with ASD and an emotionally avoidant husband. In 2024 I had told him that things were dire and he had to step up, I laid it all out and gave him a year. He did not do much and at the end of the year my brain just snapped. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was shouldering all the emotional, domestic and administrative load and it was almost like he just doesn’t like me at all. We have since separated and while I can’t rely on him, I never could. So I can just manage everything without him stuffing things up and making life more difficult.

I am not sure if I should have left earlier to avoid it getting so bad. I can’t see any chance of reconciliation now because of so much emotional neglect. Plus it was very toxic in the last few months of him living here. However my income increased due to retraining so that has been very convenient. I retrained initially so I could earn more so he could reduce his work hours but the relationship just collapsed.

Are you in a position to leave now?what do you mum need to do first?

This is very similar, how old were your boys? Mine are 4 & 5 almost - i think as you say money and also i do not drive which is hell but ultimately its £50 a lesson now & i gave him all my bloody savings where he fucked up in making bad decisions!

it really is a nightmare, we do get on as in we have a laugh at home somewhat but theres almost nothing much else? He did say oh we are more like friends, to which i respond well yes you have to actually make effort to love someone and show them you love them 😂