Should I give up on this friendship????

[Kat19852222]

I have know sally (fake name) since I started my nurse training over 15 years ago got very close spent a lot of time together during the duration of our 3 year course. The final year she had to defer for a year due to a hospital admission in which I supported her and visited her when I could. We both eventually finished our training and got jobs in different hospitals. I met my bf and later bought a house together and had our son (who is now 8). We eventually stopped seeing each other as much due to working opposite shifts but always felt I made an effort visiting her etc, sending her a postcard if I was on holiday. She came to my sons christening and was his godmother, after a few years I felt like she started to ‘back off’ I asked was she okay and she said all was fine. Her 30th bday came around and I made an effort took flowers, fancy bottle of champagne etc (she didn’t have a party due to being in Covid times). Recently my 40th rolled around in December just gone and heard nothing from her?! No card, text nothing…. She messaged me asking what I was doing over Xmas I replied saying I’d been London for my 40th… no belated birthday nothing…. Thinking what’s the point in carrying on with this friendship when it all seems one sided, advise

She sees you as a friend, but not a close friend like you do with her. Its normal friendships drift and not all friendships are for life.

I’m not sure I understand the issue. You’ve naturally drifted as your shift pattern and lives taking you in different directions made it difficult for you to see one another. I assume your ‘efforts’ were because you wanted to send her postcards or celebrate her birthday, not done in the expectation of reciprocation in kind? When did you last see one another?

Saw her last November. No I don’t buy her gifts to expect to receive things back. Just feel like there is no effort from her side.

Friendships change. I’d keep in touch but lower your efforts.

But do you value her friendship? Do you want to continue to have her in your life?

You can have
Friends for a reason
Friends for a season, or
Friends for life.

Sounds like she was a seasonal friend, and the season has turned.

Yeah. It's around my mid 30s i realised friendships actually probably aren't forever. Even ones you thought would be.

Its funny isn't it, i to your teens and 20s friendships are still quite intense. Marriage and kids; you still push to make time. Into your 30s and you still just can't see why you would 'drift apart' - until it happens.

I think it's a common thing OP. It's happened to me twice now. A soul mate type friendship failing. Once it was me backing off and once i was ghosted. Horrible either way but it's life 💐

I think friendship has to do with how you feel when you spend time with one another (whether in person or talking on the phone). Do you enjoy being together, appreciate things about one another, listen and talk with a feeling of comfort and sincerity--- have fun ??

Some people don't remember or bother with birthdays, or are inconsistent about it, and some people are better with things like cards, postcards, cheery text messages. To me, these things can be lovely, but are less of an indication of how the friendship is, and more of a personality trait of one individual.

No I don’t think so, think it’s run its course tbh.