AIBU to keep my friend at a distance

[Jp54f]

Hey
So i keep my circle small. Always have. I had a really good mate eho used to come to mine. I went to hers. We walked to school together and home together. Texted daily.

I started having a real hard time with my relationship and general depression. My hubby was threatening suicide etc. An awful, shitty time.......where you need friends to vent to right?
Well i got a text message saying (roughly)
Hey
Im taking a step back from our friendship. I am in a realky good place atm and you seem to see the shit side of life. Im in a good space and cant have anything ruining it.

I was like "BITCH WTF is this" in my head. So i left it. She blanked me at school. Went full on cunt mode.
Then over the next few weeks webhad zero contact. Luckily my personal life got better andnmy hubby got tue help he needed. We started rebuilding.
My friends son then turned up at my door crying asking of i could take him home. I immediately got in the car and took him. My friend then messaged me saying "I've not heard from you for months" so i said "you wanted that because YOU were in a good headspace and i wasn't "

We text every so often now but the relationship has been absolutely ruined by what i believe is total selfishness and rudeness on her part.
Aibu to keep her at a huge distance? This is my choice because i simply cannot trust someone who could act so callously in a mates time of need.

I think the way you are speaking in confusing people on who is the actual grown up here

My guess is that the friend has mental health issues, depression or anxiety, so anything that triggers thoughts of that is something she prefers to avoid. If I knew a friend suffered from mood issues I wouldn't be relying on them for emotional support.

Considering that your husband has had mental health issues and wasn't in a fit state, your reaction to the friend seems a bit harsh. I imagine they feel bad that they didn't help you but if it had been triggering for her, you'd have had the extra burden of trying to be there for the friend.

Talking about you to others changes the context of her message for me.

Yes, she’s a bitch! Stay well clear.

Caps online = shouting

But no you were not unreasonable and I'm glad you're in a better place now :)

I understand that but what hurt ws HOW she dealt with it rather than a simple step back, she blanked me and was actually quite nasty about it all then when i took her son home said i hadnt been in contact like I was the problem x

Feck her.

Yeah i thought that was a bit far because as soon as she thought we had made up it went back to normal so she obviously said something x

What are you confused about?

In what way?

To send that text to you then to say “I’ve not heard from you in months” is unhinged. It’s like she didn’t get the reaction she wanted to her initial text ( I think the best reaction to that was no reaction)
It’s horrible and I think you would do the right thing focusing on other friends and friendships.

I thought it was quite manipulative of her tbh. Like "oh why haven't you been in touch with me" errrrrm because you wanted that??? Because you were in a good place and i was struggling so you made my life worse by dumping me completely?? Ergh.

But someone with mental health issues (whilst she said she was in a good place, she likely just means better than rock bottom and was still trying to deal with worries) doesn't act rationally. I think the blanking wasn't done maliciously, it's because your situation reminded her of her own trauma.

Yes, it is irrational for her to complain that you haven't been in contact but that all fits with the above. She could still have missed the company even though she cut off contact.

Whether you think the friendship is worth putting up with erratic behaviour is down to you.

Yes I’m with you on this one. It’s only a friendship if it works in her favour ! one sided and not required by you.
So many selfish individuals our for themselves.

OP she has shown you sort of friend she is. The fact that she’s put the onus on you too when you saw her again is ringing alarm bells.

Keep the distance that she has created.

Keep it cordial but she’s not the kind of friend you keep in a small inner circle

Her speaking badly of you and repeating your private business would mean I would be 100% done.

YANBU- she’s no friend

Sometimes people are insensitive but I truly believe its how they communicate afterwards. There was no apology or even attempt to acknowledge how it made you feel, nor an explanation of what was going through her mind. No healthy discussion was had about what happened.

So keep your distance and focus on yourself op.

Yes as soon as she said that i was imagining that side eye cat gif in my head 🤣
The distance will always be there now. Im at peace with that x