Do you think about conversations long after?

[Timetoleavefd]

How can I stop doing this? I analyse every conversation I’ve had and stress myself out. I’m worried I’m going to make myself unwell doing this. I feel sorry for my kids having a mother like me. They are so little and need a normal mum not one like me, please help me. It’s worse at work but I do generally analyse all conversations but I’m worse at work conversations. I’ve been thinking all day that my manager thinks I’m weird

Yes, I am an over thinker and used to dwell on conversations. Several things happened.

1. menopause! It's amazing how you just stop caring.

2. you realise that everyone is so wrapped up in themselves that they are very unlikely to be thinking about you.

3. I just tell myself that it really doesn't matter even if they do think I'm strange.

Yes I do this.
It's a symptom of my PTSD and anxiety (not sure if you might have something like that).
I think it's actually a form of self-soothing as if replaying a scene in my head will make it go away (it doesn't).
There are lots of techniques but what I do to stop is:

• controlled breathing,
• 333 technique (identify 3 things I can see, hear, and touch)
• understand why I'm replaying a conversation/scene/thought (what am I really worried about),
• park that worry until a set time each day
• write that worry down (I have 2 lists - one is for things I can do something about and one is for things I just have to live with)
• and repeat.

It's not a magic solution, it takes work and practice. If you repeat often enough, you can stay in the moment instead of the past.

Is CBT an option for you? I think it might really help you tackle this (I am also a ruminator/ over thinker). Maybe your employer offer something like this via Occupational Health. Don’t beat yourself up - it is not your fault or a failing.

I am a ruminator and do the same thing (you get annoyed at yourself- why did I say that, if only I'd said it like this, that thing I said came out wrong and I'm worried I've offended them). What you have to remember is that others don't think the same way as we do- they don't remember conversations with the same level of detail, if they even remember them at all.

I would suggest keeping a worry notebook with you. Write down the worried thoughts as they come to your head, then rip the page up and bin the paper. If there are actual practical things you can do, maybe write those down but my guess is that it is more like intrusive thoughts that you've offended or upset someone.

Yes I do constantly worry I e upset someone or offended them. I feel my life is being wasted on this nonsense

Every day! It’s paralysing. I sometimes avoid social gatherings in case I something I’ll regret and obsess over. Currently replaying a conversation from 2018 in my head that I regret.

the most reassuring thing is that in about two generations there won’t be anyone who remembers me or what I said.

I stopped thought spirals by forcing myself to think in French when they started (I only have GCSE French). It completely broke the habit in a month or so and it has never come back.

Yes and obsessively rehearse conversations. One of the many things that led to an autism diagnosis and the assessor said I probably have ADHD too. It can be all consuming so I empathise. My is worse at night in bed so I take sleeping tablets and melatonin. During the day what helps is literally standing up or moving from where I am. Do a task. Listen to music so deafening it drowns out my thoughts. Exercise and sweat. Cool something complicated. I appreciate these are coping mechanism's rather than cures but I've accepted it's how I am.