Hi I’ve named changed for this as it’s about my marriage.
I’ve been married 16 years, with husband for nearly 19 years. We have two children both teenagers, both have additional needs.
Im unhappy in my marriage, which my husband is aware of, I’ve been unhappy for a few years now. We don’t have a sex life and haven’t for nearly three years, this was my husband’s choice. However I can’t see how we could have sex again as I don’t want my husband to see my body after he told me that he found me less attractive and one reason was my weight, I had put weight on. After losing weight I’m now a size 8. (He is overweight himself).
at times he doesn’t believe what i say. Examples are when I found mould at our previous house he told me it wasn’t mould, but it was mould. The house we live in now has an induction hob and when he has cooked mince, during cooking it smells funny and once cooked whether its chilli, bolognaise it doesn’t taste nice to the point I couldn’t eat the cottage pie he had made. He said that the mince doesn’t smell funny and there is nothing wrong with the taste. I asked my son and he said he had noticed that it didn’t smell nice whilst it was been cooked and this time he struggled to eat it as it didn’t taste nice.
i get cold a lot and if i say it’s cold, he will say its not cold. Just because he doesn’t feel cold. Some times when i say something he will say don’t be silly and dismisses what i say. At times it feels like if he doesn’t believe it then what im saying is not right.
ive tried to suggest things to try and help our marriage but unless I actually arrange it, it doesn’t happen. Stuff to try and help us become close again, going for a walk with our dogs for example. I’ve suggested date nights at home, meals out and he says he wants to but then it doesn’t happen. I’ve said it feels like we are two parents who just live in the same house. I’ve suggested divorce, he doesn’t want to. He won’t move out and I don’t have anywhere me and our children can live.
before we moved house, he said things would be different and this time he would help make the house our home, getting it decorated, making changes to the house like a carpet for our bedroom, but again like at the other house it’s left to me to do any changes and pay for it. I work part time so it’s means that it’s going to take a lot longer to be able to get some one in to decorate for example. I can’t do it myself anymore due to physical health problems. I’m more limited it what I can do, I’m having to pay a cleaner as I can’t keep up with the cleaning as it causes more pain. Luckily the house has blinds as nine months later we still don’t have curtains up.
Up until three years ago i was a stay at home mum and did most of the house work, childcare. I was on disability benefits, i paid my own way through that money. I don’t know what I would have done for money if I hadn’t received that and ive said that to him and he says he doesn’t know. I think he got used me been a stay at home mum and now he moans a lot