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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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5 replies

Ballini · 14/01/2026 13:11

I would like opinions please on how to proceed. I have a very good friend who I have known for decades, we meet up about three times a year usually for lunch for a couple of hours and we used to go out out once or twice a year into the city and make a bit more of an evening of it. The last couple of times she has suggested an ‘out out’ get-together of which I’ve agreed she said she would let me have a couple of dates which haven’t materialised. I think it’s probably about three years ago since we made more of an event of it! A couple of lunches ago I suggested more of an ‘out out’ and she said ‘oh I like doing this, don’t you?’ to which I agreed, however she does still go out out with other people and she told me that she was going out with a friend the following Friday and even if she hadn’t have done that particular friend always posts a photo so I would’ve found out anyway. She messaged me last week so I seized the opportunity to suggest going out out and she asked me where I would fancy going and I made a couple of suggestions and also asked her where she fancied. Since then she has not replied at all although she’s been been on the particular app regularly. Should I ignore the silence and wait for her to message me? Should I post a quick reply just saying okay bad idea let’s forget that? It’s really winding me up and I’m quite impulsive so I don’t want to message something that I regret.

OP posts:
GasPanic · 14/01/2026 13:26

Maybe she sees you more a "sit down and have a deep chat" kind of person than a social going out meeting lots of other people person.

Some people are great when they go out, attracting attention, talking to others they don't know and generally having a good time. Others better just for having a sit down chat as they are quieter and more thoughtful.

Thankfully we are all different.

tryingtobesogood · 14/01/2026 13:27

You are the Tuesday lunch friend not the Saturday night friend. Are you happy with that?

Ballini · 14/01/2026 13:41

The point is more to go somewhere ‘nicer’ and have longer to chat with a drink…. We both like a wine and we always run out of time on the lunches as i have to do school pick up. I am aware she gets up early and am still only suggesting an afternoon so its less social butterfly and more relaxed….

OP posts:
Ballini · 14/01/2026 13:42

tryingtobesogood · 14/01/2026 13:27

You are the Tuesday lunch friend not the Saturday night friend. Are you happy with that?

Hmmmmmm why did she not message and be honest I wonder?

OP posts:
Ballini · 14/01/2026 13:42

GasPanic · 14/01/2026 13:26

Maybe she sees you more a "sit down and have a deep chat" kind of person than a social going out meeting lots of other people person.

Some people are great when they go out, attracting attention, talking to others they don't know and generally having a good time. Others better just for having a sit down chat as they are quieter and more thoughtful.

Thankfully we are all different.

Sorry i am new here and should have put previous comment in a quote not stand alone!

OP posts:
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