To find it very difficult to get over missed opportunities? - but I’m trying..

[PreserveCollagen]

So……my situation. I’m now 53, single childless and not working. In fact I have no living family at all.

I have many regrets at missed opportunities - had an abusive childhood … but there was a ‘shaft of light’ when things improved when I was 13 - but after a few better months I wasted that opportunity.

My main regret is this. In 2010 aged 37 after a few difficult/lonely years a great thing happened out of the blue where I reconnected with a bloke I’d been romantically interested in in my early 30s. We had a good rapport and closeness until 2013 when I wasted the opportunity and off he went. I was then 41.

I’m to make the best of everything now, especially this new year, but I’m finding it difficult to come to terms with all my missed opportunities in life, particularly the most recent good one, in the early 2010s.

AIBU?

you can’t control the past but you can control the future. So from now on make sure you miss nothing and take advantage of and create as many opportunities as you can!

Well, yes you are being unreasonable. The past is the last and no matter how much you think about it, it won't change.
Much more productive to think what you can do moving forward as you still have a lot of years on this planet to do whatever you want to do.

Thank you that’s a great positive mindset

Can you travel? Is there anywhere you've really wanted to go? As others have said - you cannot change the past - but you can change your now and your future.

Yes I can travel - there are a few places I want to go

Im so sorry to hear you had an abusive childhood and feel so bad about whst you think of as missed opportunities. I also beat myself up about so many missed opportunitues and my situation isnt like yours - most would say Im very fortunate. But I get really upset about a time I wasted money: or lost a friend, or my kid had an accident etc.

Blaming ourselves is generally tbree things

1. Humans are hard wired to find problems.
2. usually a learnt negstive thought pattern that stems from childhood. Its likely your parents said things like this.. if you hadn't been wasting time we'd be there by now, or you fell over because you were being silly. They may have also been verbally harsh on themselves for past mistakes.
3. A reflection of what you want now.

As others say you cannot turn the clock back. But you can ask yourself 'how would I like to feel in my life, whats missing? Ask yourselt whst you would have liked about that life you missed. If it was connection - join a group and find friends; if it wss the opportunity to care adopt a pet; if its meaning could you volunteer with kids. Go from there and see where it tskes you.

But also you can mourn the loss of a life you wish you had. Its not fair and you are allowed to feel sad before moving on.