Help me decide whether I should be trying to be more flexible or not?
Ex lives abroad, has access to kids twice a year, either I take them to where he is or he comes to Europe/the UK. He has only come to the UK once before, he never sees them both times (one month in summer, one in winter, he always sees them in winter for some reason) and we usually go to him. This year I can’t as I need to help with family care/health issue.
He is supposed to let me know of plans (where/how long etc) during November each year. He never does and I end up booking flights etc so that they don’t end up stupidly expensive (he then pays me back). In December a family member gifted us very expensive tickets to a concert at the beginning of Feb (Feb is the month he has access). I accepted as I still didn’t know ex’s plans and per the agreement, he should have let me know. I told him too, via message. I figured he could stay in our home town for a couple of days (something he had talked to the kids about doing anyway) before any other travel. After all, if he doesn’t tell me the plan I surely can’t be expected to just keep all of Feb free just in case he decides to do something with them?
He didn’t even tell me his plan/dates until a few days ago, the kids told me. He is arriving a day before the event (which I and they have told him about prior to him booking his tickets) and is insisting the kids go on travels with him the same day he arrives.
They are desperate to go to the concert and have told him this. He is insisting they leave asap and so miss the concert. (He is also withholding payment this month too, I suspect as a punishment for me having this concert in the calendar.) I’ve already listed the tickets on a swap site but no interest so far and I’m worried I can’t fix this without losing the tickets.
So my AIBU is:
YABU - you should try to swap the tickets or sell and re-buy for another date so he can have his time as he wants with the kids.
YANBU - he left it too late, you shouldn’t have to change the concert date to suit him.
*not to drip feed but I should add that school attendance isn’t an issue in Feb as kids are home ed, but I have arranged it so their online classes can be missed so they’re free to holiday with him. So I have already tried to be accommodating in that regard.
Also, yes, in general he’s an absolute arse and uses communication as a form of control/manipulation, always leaving us hanging not knowing what’s going to happen. So he has form. But still… someone said I wasn’t being flexible and it made me wonder! Thanks all!