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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do they hate me?

10 replies

OnceMoreIntoTheBreachDearFriends · 12/01/2026 20:54

I work as part of a remote team, 0.4 WTE whereas the person I job share with does the other 0.6 WTE (I have another 0.6 elsewhere). My job share colleague has a reputation across our whole organisation as someone awkward and unfriendly - to the point of bullying accusations and making people cry. She gatekeeps parts of the role to the point that when she's been off sick I've had to ask for help from the rest of the team because she's never shown/shared with me what I need to do for some of our tasks - we do however tend to pick up different parts of the job when we are both at work.

The others are generally polite but not always helpful - I can ask a question in the teams chat and never get a response, and sometimes feel they are quite condescending about me not knowing what to do - I have repeatedly asked to be shown by my job share but she refuses and management won't deal with her. I brushed it off for a while until I was off for surgery last year - they're very big on birthday/sick/new baby flowers, etc. - and it took them five weeks to send anything...

In the past three months I've paid for three people leaving - sometimes for as little as six month secondment - one person's sick leave flowers, and one's wife having a new baby. I turned 40 last month, something which they were aware of especially as some of them are on Facebook and I've had several celebrations with friends/family - and absolutely nothing. Not a card, message, flowers, presents, etc. In contrast, the 0.6 WTE team got me a huge card, Boots voucher, a bottle of prosecco and some Penhaligon's perfume.

If I have done something wrong (I am autistic and more than aware how I could come across) I'd rather know, but how could I ever even begin to find out what the problem is without outright confronting them?

OP posts:
NessShaness · 12/01/2026 20:56

You aren’t the problem here.

OnceMoreIntoTheBreachDearFriends · 12/01/2026 20:58

NessShaness · 12/01/2026 20:56

You aren’t the problem here.

It feels like I might be when they all get on with each other, contribute to celebrations, etc.

OP posts:
Evaka · 12/01/2026 21:00

They're being wankers. Please please please don't try to ingratiate yourself. Not worth it love.

UnhappyHobbit · 12/01/2026 21:18

Please don’t waste any more time (or money) trying to fit in here. Even if you were “in” it will probably be a toxic friendship group.

BlackCrowKing · 12/01/2026 21:47

OnceMoreIntoTheBreachDearFriends · 12/01/2026 20:58

It feels like I might be when they all get on with each other, contribute to celebrations, etc.

No, they’re just a bunch of cliquey bitches. NHS, by any chance? It’s not you.

Arlanymor · 12/01/2026 21:49

You are not the issue. Compare and contrast with your other role. Miles apart. You are the common denominator. I think you just have to accept that your 0.4 is staffed by inconsiderate, awful people. Don't waste any time or effort trying to 'fit in' - they are being deliberately exclusionary.

JustWantsSomeSleep · 12/01/2026 21:50

It's not you. You're not being unreasonable. But do step back and accept this particular group clearly has a clique and aren't very nice... so expect nothing and don't over stretch yourself. Focus on the nice people in the world. Your other team comes across as a nice bunch :)

WowFantastic · 12/01/2026 21:51

BlackCrowKing · 12/01/2026 21:47

No, they’re just a bunch of cliquey bitches. NHS, by any chance? It’s not you.

Whenever there’s this type of thread on here it’s either the NHS or at the least someone asks if it is. I’d be scared to work there 😂

I wonder why it’s like that? I know there must be lovely departments there but this does seem to come up often!

OnceMoreIntoTheBreachDearFriends · 12/01/2026 21:52

BlackCrowKing · 12/01/2026 21:47

No, they’re just a bunch of cliquey bitches. NHS, by any chance? It’s not you.

Yep NHS, but they don't seem to be close friends in or out of work, plus it's a mix of male and female of all ages which doesn't seem the usual issue

OP posts:
OnceMoreIntoTheBreachDearFriends · 12/01/2026 21:58

WowFantastic · 12/01/2026 21:51

Whenever there’s this type of thread on here it’s either the NHS or at the least someone asks if it is. I’d be scared to work there 😂

I wonder why it’s like that? I know there must be lovely departments there but this does seem to come up often!

There are some lovely departments - I work in one! Just a shame about the other....

OP posts:
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