Pregnancy rage or walking shitshow?

[Spicycroissant]

hey all

Im really struggling at the moment and im hoping for some perspective. I cant tell if I’m overreacting and need to get a grip/pregnancy hormones and rage are amplifying everything or if my situation genuinely is just really awful right now and I’m valid in feeling this upset

I’m currently 10 weeks pregnant and have hyperemesis. I’ve been in and out of hospital and spend most days in bed when I’m at home. I’ve had hyperemesis in all my previous pregnancies too, so this isn’t new, but it’s still completely debilitating. I have a husband who is so brilliant and gives his heart and soul to his family and we have twin girls (2 years old) and a 9 year old.

our income stopped very unexpectedly in November. We’re owed a large sum of money, but we’ve had to go down the court route to get it back, and we’ve been told it will take some months to do the whole court thing (we owned the business). We had a small amount of savings to fall back on which have now completely gone. We dont even have enough to cover one month of expenses so we have only been paying the bills that are critical

My husband does have a job interview lined up but the pay would be minimal. Even so, we’ll make it work if he gets it until we have another option

Once hes working, I’ll be doing the school runs despite having hyperemesis. I dont mind this as it has to be done but it just feels overwhelming knowing how hard it’s going to be physically. We also live in a carfree zone, so our car is an eight minute walk away which makes everything feel even harder when I am already struggling just to function.

Over the past few months, all of my direct debits have bounced. The unpaid bills have turned into debt, for both me and my husbandand I honestly feel like im at breaking point. I cry constantly now even over the smallest inconvenience. I feel like a complete failure. We worked so hard to get to where we were an it feels like everything has come crashing down around us. I completely broke down today and just sobbed and sobbed.

I know that this situation isnt forever but when you’re in the trenches, physically unwell, financially drowning, and emotionally exhausted it feels impossible to keep going

I just feel so low right now, and I don’t know how to hold it all together

we have aplied for UC (I have never claimed it so I am not even sure if we are eligible while in the court process) but it takes no less then 100 million weeks for a payment

I don’t really know what I’m asking here. Am I valid to feel like my life is a walking shit show or do I just need to pull up my big girl pants and get over it

currently we have £4 in our account and it feels like the struggle has been never ending
please don’t flame me for my spelling & grammar i have adhd and im mentally exhausted ❤️

Oh bless you, that sounds so difficult, everything you're feeling is more than valid. Do you have family or friends who could help you out, both practically and financially?

Does your HG tend to be awful throughout your entire pregnancy or does it ease at all at any point? Sorry things are so hard, I really hope the UC comes through soon, you should be eligible as the money isnt yet in your bank.

I’m sorry, just wanted to say it sounds bloody hard and send hugs 💐

Sometimes it’s not easy to just pull up your big girl pants and with your hormones raging and being poorly too you’ve got it hard atm. I don’t know about practical advice but hopefully something will happen job wise for your dh and things will improve but in the meantime you need to at the very least be kind to yourself.

Thank you for your kind words

I have my mum and husband’s parents but they all live the other side of the country. Not able to help financially unfortunately but that’s ok.

previously hypremisis has lasted until around week 20/22 so still some time to go. I am on mutiple meds for it and sometimes they help and sometimes they don’t. We have tried many different options for it.

No you aren't unjustified to feel that overwhelmed and to be really struggling. What you're going through financially and as a family is really difficult, anyone would struggle and that's without the added stress if being pregnant and having hyperemesis!
When I was pregnant with my second my now ex had to go back to working for a company as he wasn't getting paid and was owed so much money working for himself. It was a horrible stressful time and I wasn't ill and was working. Try and be kind to yourself, vent when you need to and try to take joy in small things while reminding yourself that this is temporary and you're going to be ok. On the plus side you'll get some extra in UC as it will be backdated to when you put the claim in and hopefully it helps with some of the debt.
Wishing you all the best and congratulations on the baby on the way x

Thank you for your lovely message. It really helps to know we’re not alone. I know things will improve but it’s bloody hard!

Thank you for your lovely message ❤️ I am sorry to hear you went through a similar struggle too! I feel like we try so hard and have just ended up in a run of bad luck but it feels endless.

yes hopefully the UC will plug the gap until we get some money back via the courts.

It worked out financially for us at the time in the long run as the kids dad got paternity leave, something he didn't get with our first and meant he could actually spend time at home. He also made loads of helpful contacts that helped him when he went self employed again so there might be positives too but obviously right now it won't be easy to see them. Could a family member come and stay with you for a weekend or so just to give you some support?
You are trying hard but sometimes you can't control what goes on round about you you just have to deal with what you can control and work with that. I hope it all works out soon x

This sounds so hard but you’re doing all the right things - pursuing the debt and applying for UC to plug the gap and applying for any and all jobs.

You will come out of the other side of this but I can only imagine how stressful it is for you to be in the middle of it with three kids and another on the way