Would you see this as missing too much time with your Dc?

[Threelayersonstillcold]

I was fortunate enough to manage my work so that I could stay at home with Dd until she started school. I work evenings from 5-8.
Now Dd is settled in school, i’m so grateful i’m able to pick her up from school, but we only have a short time before I have to go out and then i’m back for bedtime.
I’ve started to feel a bit sad about the time I’m missing with her and Dh. I was recently on holidays for a week and loved just that time in front of the fire and dinner all together, then evening walks in spring etc.
I’m looking for jobs in the day but no luck so far

Would these hours bother you? Am I missing important family time?

Lots of people work evenings with children and if they are being cared for well in those hours, then it definitely won't harm them and you can still maintain a bond other ways.

I can see if you're not working while they are in school you might want want to flip that time so it's during working hours.

Just keep plugging away at the job applications and as you've got recent work experience, hopefully you'll find something that can work soon.

Cant you work school hours?

Change your hours to term time days

I guess those hours worked well when you were home together all day. Now she is at school all day I would see whether you could change hours to during school hours. If it is a cleaning job then maybe a before school job would work better so you are together after school.

Slightly tongue in cheek but my kids are demons that time of night and I would gladly hand them over to someone who does dinner / bath / entertaining / homework etc.

OP, you get to pick her up from school, you get to see her before bed, you get weekends and holidays. Hopefully a new job comes up but it's not the worst set up.

Surely if she could, she would?

Yes, I worked 6-10pm for a few years while DC1 was pre-school age. It stopped working well once school started and I found something else.

So you literally work 3hrs a day 5-8 - how do you manage on such little hours ?

prob with school hours unless term time and say a ta at her school - you will need to find childcare for 12/13w of the year and won’t be spending any time with her on school holidays

who has her 5/8

i don’t think it’s the worst set up - you are about daytime if ill - have all holidays with her - you can take and pick up and possibly put her to bed , time depending - my dd 8 is in bed 730/8

I earn the same as a normal part time job in tne day and Dh earns ok (I was previously the higher earner with two jobs for years and years pre Dd)
He is with her when I go

Just putting an alternative view forward.

If you did manage to find daytime work for say school hours, you would face different issues, for example having to leave work to pick her up from school if she is ill, finding someone else to look after her for a few days if she has a sick bug, having to find cover for inset days and not being able to go to sports day or nativity play.

At least with the set up you have, you don't have these issues.

Yes this is true

52 weeks a year, 5 days a week = 780 hours “apart” (although less as you’ll have annual leave you can use).

13 weeks of school holidays where you’ll be available 8am -5pm = 585 hours.

So whilst there’s a difference, it’s not a huge difference - and that time in school holidays will be much more quality time than in the evenings when she’s tired from a long day at school. Think back to your childhood - do you remember more things from doing stuff in school holidays, or from the day to day evenings after school? Mine is definitely more the holidays!

You could try asking if you could do 6-9pm instead, giving you that extra hour at home in an evening, and losing an hour when she will be in bed anyway?

My mum did this when I was young. Except she worked until later & wasn't home until long after I was in bed. I had a younger sibling though, so she was still busy in the day once I went to school. But if worked for our family, it meant she could pick me up & was always there in the holidays.

if all changed when we moved & little brother started school, and started working days & I hated it. Childcare after school & in the holidays, when I just wanted to be at my house!

I loved the evenings with my Dad too. It was just us. Mum at work & baby in bed!

id hate to do those hours, but I don't think it's a bad option practically or for your DD.

The child has 13 weeks holiday per year so I’m assuming your off the whole day with them then.
Then you have weekends.
Then you have your annual leave.
I work shifts so it’s different for me as I’m out before they get up and back when they are in bed and this is 2-3 times per week and this includes some weekends.
From what I gather a lot of people who work Monday-Friday 9-5 by the time they get in cook tea and clear up it’s bedtime anyways.
Then you have if your child’s poorly, random inset day and school holidays your not struggling for childcare. Tbh I wish these were my work hours 🤣

Why would you hate to do these hours?

Like you I worked evenings when mine were pre-school age. Once my 3rd Child started school I then found a day time job within school hours which meant I could still do school runs etc. Slowly over the years I have upped my hours from 3 per day, to 5 per day to having 2 full days (and kids going to after school club) to now they are all teens - working full time (but now DH WFH most days so is around when they get home - even if they all ignore each other its nice for them to have someone there)

We did whatever we needed to do at the time for our family and I don't regret any of it.
When I changed from working evenings/weekend I did find it amazing!!

Amazing as in better to work during the day?

If you can earn I’m guessing double your day rate so in 3 evening hours v 6 daytime then happy days

Can you push back to a 6pm start? I think you'd feel less rushed, though you would miss bedtime.

My DM worked evenings in a pub when I was in primary. My DF would come in at 5:30 and she'd leave for work 15 minutes later. It made weekend bedtimes extra special when she was there, but overall it worked ok. I felt I saw my mum in the time after school, and had special time with my dad when she was at work.

I personally wouldn't like these hours with a school age child. Not because of a lack of time itself but more the type of time?

I like having family dinner every day, bedtime stories, I also like having a bit of an evening with my husband as well after the kids are in bed. I like being able to socialise also on week nights.

But I can definitely see the benefits in your pattern too

Yes, the time for dinner etc is hard, I do do bedtime story every other night, I literally go straight upstairs when I go in.
Just recently I’ve been thinking if it’s a bit sad to miss this family time every day

Some people don't have a choice. My parents both worked 12 hour shifts when I was a kid which meant some days I didn't see them, and that included weekends.

I work fulltime 9-5 but have to travel a lot for work, so I am quite often away. It's fine, nothing bad happens.

Missing Family time of tea and a story v not being with your child every school holiday

you have weekends

she is with her dad

to work 3hrs and get paid the same if for 6 daytime is very good

what do you do ?

Yes. I much preferred being able to spend the evenings woth the kids - plus I often had to turn down social events due to working so was them able to meet friends etc!

52 weeks a year, 5 days a week = 780 hours “apart” (although less as you’ll have annual leave you can use). 13 weeks of school holidays where you’ll be available 8am -5pm = 585 hours.
So whilst there’s a difference, it’s not a huge difference - and that time in school holidays will be much more quality time than in the evenings when she’s tired from a long day at school.

I’d be looking at it this way.