AIBU to refuse unsupervised playdates due to domestic abuse concerns?

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Me and my husband have known a couple for a long time (long before children). Our children are now primary school age.

The husband in the other couple is abusive to his wife. Controlling, verbally and at times physically. She has confided in us about this and we have offered support but she does not want to leave the relationship.

My issue is that I don’t feel comfortable for my child to go to their house without either me or her Dad.

My husband says he supports my decision but earlier today asked if I still felt the same way (implying it’s me who feels this way but he would be fine with it)

AIBU? It’s getting to the point where we can’t keep putting off offers of play dates without us there. I think at some point I need to explain, but wanted to make sure I’m not being completely unreasonable about this.

I would be honest with her and say you're sorry (not sorry at all but for politeness sake ....) but you won't be bringing your kid/s to hers because of the situation there. If she wants it spelling out then do it.

Say you're happy to host all play dates or do some meet-ups at other venues like soft play. With the implication that that's forever.

Just be honest. "I have to say no, and the reason is your husband".

No I would definitely not send my DC there alone for a playdate. Things can escalate without any warning. It's about power and control and it's possible he might be even more abusive for another child to witness.

Just let her know the truth. If it's not ok for your DC, then it's also not ok for hers so I would consider a SS refferal or let the school know. If any serious harm comes to her, then you had an opportunity to do something. I wonder if she told you in the hope you might report as she feels unable to get help.

I knew one friend would yell at his children and would be rude and disrespectful to his wife. He did it to my child, in front of me. They won't stop. Protect your children.