To give up making my year 5 child do homework

[Uninspiredusername]

He’s 9. Gets homework on a weekly basis - maths, comprehension and spelling, and is encouraged to do reading daily. Reading isn’t a problem. It’s everything else that’s met with resistance and turns into a total battle and it spoils the whole day.
we’ve tried to split it into smaller increments, or done all in one. Sometimes we have success, but mostly it’s a huge amount of whinging that lasts so long that he probably would have completed his homework had he just got on with it.

he is very capable. Sometimes he finds some of it tricky but once he gets the hang of it / got his head around it, he’s done. He often just tries to do the bare minimum though.

I’ve reached a point where I’m just sick of the arguments. He says his teacher doesn’t even check anyway. I’m worried that going to secondary will prove to be a shock when he’s expected to do it daily, as opposed to 30 mins at the weekend.

AIBU to just stop forcing him to do it?

Our primary never set homework, just reading. Eldest is now in high school (y8) and has about an hour of homework a week, we tell him to do it but have also said to him that it's not our homework, and any consequences he gets from not doing it are his and we won't get him out of them, same for the online work they set on snow/inset days.

He does generally do the homework, he doesn't want a behaviour card or detention

Depends.

how is he doing at school? Is the work ridiculously hard or too easy for him? In both of those cases I’d be contacting the teacher.

if he’s doing insanely well at school and the homework seems pointless I might give it a rest for a bit.

i used to bribe mine to do their homework. With my DD we had regular Sunday night blowups about it. I did get very, very sick of it.

not unreasonable to give yourself a couple of weeks off.

Unless there is an educational need, I don’t really see the point of homework at primary school.

My friend had this with her son;
she spoke to the school about it and they had a homework club at dinner times and he was asked/made to attend for a couple of weeks and he was extremely cheesed off with this however then they said if you do your work at home you get your breaks back…. This worked

100% with the issue of secondary being a shock too tho - unless he wants to be in detention all the time!!!

I’d speak to his teacher.

My dd was like this. So I used to have her in homework club (afterschool club) and she would happily do it there. She couldn’t get her head around doing school work at home. She’s ASD so it’s partly that. In her secondary specialist provision school they didn’t set homework really as most if the children found it difficult to apply themselves at home. Now my dd is at college studying A levels and she’s struggling massively with her work load because she STILL finds doing work outside if the educational setting very hard. So if you can I’d persevere and set times when it’s non negotiable and work needs doing. Get him used to it while he’s young x

I think it’s more to prepare them for year 7 so it’s not such a shock to the system.
I’m lucky with my kids they just crack on and do it but I feel parents pain who find it a challenge.

Thanks all. Ability wise I’d say he’s middle of the road. If there’s something he finds tricky though he won’t keep at it, he’d much rather go back and do something he can easily do over and over again.
I Meant to add that we used to stick to a specific time (mixed results) but with recent weekends it’s gone out of the window due to Christmas, seeing friends etc.

we have parents evening in a few weeks so I’m going to chat to the teacher then.

Was this a primary school? They habitually keep young children in over lunch time if they don't do their homework? Every day for weeks? Poor kids. No wonder diagnoses of ADHD and poor mental health are increasing. Kids are not designed to exist in this way.

Homework provided is often varying quality. Teachers know this, and most don't want to set the dross, but lots of parents expect it and schools have policies to follow. Reading is important. Endless worksheets that the teacher doesn't look at or provide feedback on are not. Those are just a tick box excersise and a waste of time and paper. Do speak to his teacher and ask them to prioritise what is important homework and what is not.

It's not just about what he's learning or whether he's getting it right, it's also about discipline and structure. What are you teaching him if you say he doesn't have to do it despite it being part of the structure of his teaching? Kids have to learn that that life isn't all shits and giggles. The sooner they learn that, the easier it will be to transition into the later stages of education, work and generally being a responsible adult.

You could leave it and try again in year 6. Have you tried Saturday mornings when they're fresher than after school? We did that until Year 6 when it was set every day instead of weekly

I don’t get this. It’s something he’s got to do, so if he doesn’t do it, then there’s a consequence, like there will be if he doesn’t hand his homework in, in secondary school.

My DSS is like this, would do anything to avoid homework, tries to pick an argument every time in the hope he will get out of it. Awaiting ADHD diagnosis. Also perfectly capable but wants to avoid anything where he has to make an effort and doesn’t just know the answer, gets worked up and then he obviously can’t think straight to has to go and calm down. All part of the dopamine seeking brain!

We have a homework slot each evening, snack and drink and a bit of play then homework and he stays there until it’s done. I help obviously. If he gets rude then we don’t do it and if he doesn’t hand his homework in he has to stay in at break time to do it.

Definitely speak to school.

Yes the primary’s near us all seem to have a homework club, my kids school don’t seem to set an excessive amount but people have different views on what’s the right/wrong amount I guess and all kids and their approaches to homework are different too aren’t they?

At our primary, all homework is done In homework books (worksheets attached in them) and it’s all marked and feedback given so that’s reassuring it’s being looked at, but sad to hear it’s not the case at some schools, so I understand people thinking it’s not really considered when kids have taken the time to do it.

Ultimately tho as you say schools have policies to follow and national guidance/expectations etc…

it’s a hard one tho - I personally don’t think to setting homework is always a bad thing I have one child in secondary year 7, 1 in year 5 and one in year 2 and all of them know about homework and the expectations on them and I do think personally introducing it gradually in primary sets them up for what is expected in secondary school.

I don’t think setting homework has any correlation to mental health issues or ADHD diagnoses tho - this is a separate issue entirely and not related to the setting of homework. “Kids are not designed to exist in this way” but they NEED to do what is expected of them otherwise they’re being set up to fail later down the line.

My kids know that they have to do homework and we sit down and make sure it’s done, home diary signed, discussions had about said homework and going over anything tricky and putting a note on anything they find harder etc etc….

Theres one poster on the thread saying their child is now at college struggling and saying its good to get them into a routine now - which is sound advice.

Our primary set spellings and reading and maths homework from reception - not huge amounts but enough and it builds gradually and now I have one in secondary I can see the benefit of getting into a routine early with it all. I’d say to anyone try to persevere it’ll pay off in the end.

Reading is beneficial at primary school, but there’s no benefit in doing lots of other homework at that age. Where we live my children aren’t really expected to do homework until year 9. Homework is available for those parents who want their children to do it, but it’s not something the teachers look at or mark. It wasn’t an issue for them starting to do homework in year 9 having not done it much at all before because by then they’re older, more independent and better able to manage their time. They’re at a top academic school with high expectations too. I think it’s better for children to be playing with friends, doing a sport, following their own interests when they’re at primary. I hope the teacher is understanding.

None of mine did homework in primary. Now the two who are in school, do their homework and have never had any detentions for not doing hw. One is much more diligent than the other but has to work harder to get the grades. The other doesn't put as much effort in and annoyingly for sibling, swims through. Both were in middle band at primary, in hindsight not pushing themselves but, no concerns with learning levels. They didn't practise their spelling but got them mostly all right so this was good enough for me. The only thing I encouraged strongly was reading most nights.

When they got to secondary, they knew they'd get detention if they didn't submit hw so got themselves into a good routine. I did let them know I'd not be happy if they got a detention and this was enough. Both doing well at secondary - one in grammar school and one in comprehensive top sets. Although, if they were working at lower levels, this would also be completely OK, providing they were doing their best.

It's ironic that the one thing I did strongly encourage - reading - they have not got much enthusiasm for. I feel like they find their pace, whatever it is. It's not the hw as much as it is the passion for learning and wanting to do well for themselves. This, I really concentrated on. We talked about what they were learning, discussed wider sometimes relating to real world etc. I really couldn't be bothered making primary kids do extra actual homework when home. It's like coming home after a hard day at the office and someone tells you you have to write a report every week to a deadline, when all you want to do is watch Love Island.

They can learn discipline when they are a little older and their brain catches up. It's only if I had real concerns that I'd have put in additional home learning.

Also to add that that was my view with my own kids but it's very dependant on the child. I know some kids love homework, others are not mature enough to know how to handle extra stress, some need the routine because of neuro diversity and yet still other kids need the free time/head space instead for that same reason of being ND. You have to do what you feel is best for the child you have.