To have a family member with flu around my 3 month old?

[PostPartum8990]

My family were due to come over today for a gathering. My sister messaged me to say my niece has the flu, but she will wear a mask as I have a 3 month old and 3.5 year old.

I said no to this, as I don’t want to get them unwell and masks don’t protect.

AIBU?

I will repeat my comment which is directly above yours.

Just like Covid, flu symptoms can range from death to totally asymptomatic. You can absolutely be infected with an influenza virus and be walking around.

The niece isn’t asymptomatic though and suspects she has flu. Therefore, she shouldn’t be visiting family.

Who cares if OP's sister feels disappointed or frustrated? OP doesn't want her 22 year old niece with flu around her very young children, including a small baby. Why on earth would she want to put them at risk of getting ill?

If her sister is childish enough to take offence and refuse to visit in future, that's her problem.

Who said it was flu?

niece, sister or you?

m po st people who said they had flu would be really quite unwell and making a distinction from a normal cold.

no, I absolutely wouldn’t want anyone who was feeling so unwell (fever, shivers , aches etc) around a newborn (or anyone else for that matter)

As said, no she wouldn't. Flu can be asymptomatic, but still infect and cause serious illness in someone vulnerable. I did the school run and cared for my grandchildren while having flu. I pushed myself that much I had to attend hospital and they wanted to admit me. It turned to pneumonia and I still did childcare. I just slept whenever I could.

That’s not the point? You said you cannot get out of bed with flu so it’s not flu so it’s likely just a bad cold. I was pointing out it could well be flu. Unless she tests there’s no way to know. I agree either way I wouldn’t want her in my house.
One reason flu spreads a lot is people thinking “you can’t get out of bed with flu” so happily go around thinking they just have a bad cold. It could well be flu. You can walk around and go out with flu.

until baby’s immune system is better established, someone with a cold could make them really ill when they are so small! If the sister doesn’t understand that you want to protect your tiny baby then she is BU!

Idiotic of her. Just tell her no you will rearrange.

Regardless of what bug she has, I wouldn't want an ill relative near me, let alone a young baby.

I put you are but in toll but I meant it would be unreasonable it’s awful and your baby’s too young to have the spray she should keep her child home in the warm and dry away from everybody else.

Exactly !!!
Even if baby didn’t catch your nieces germs, YOU could, and then you’d be in a right old state to care for your little one.
Definitely not unreasonable, you are being a responsible parent.
Dont doubt yourself, and stand your ground.

I stand corrected!

Flu or bad cold would make no difference to me, she wouldn’t be coming in especially not with a 3 month old in the house. And precisely no fucks would be given about her being upset or disappointed, either.

I’ve been really unwell with this fluey virus. It’s absolutely awful and I don’t wish it on anyone let alone a 3 month old baby.

If she has flu she should stay home and avoid passing to anyone

Currently in hospital with my 11m old we both have flu. No.

You are being completely reasonable, why anyone thinks it's acceptable to expose a baby to any virus (flu cold whatever) is absolutely mad to me.

Anyone with any respiratory virus or other easily-transmitted illness is staggeringly selfish to take it to other people on a social visit, regardless of exactly what it is or whom they are visiting. Of course there might be times when it’s unavoidable to go to work when ill (though I wish our culture would change on this) but a totally optional jolly is not a reason to infect other people, whether elderly and vulnerable, a small baby, or someone who might then not be able to work themselves, or who would pass it to someone else who is vulnerable.

I wondered when the flu can be mild brigade would rock up!

It’s important people understand this though. Everyone says how it was important to not go out with Covid even if you have mild symptoms as it could be dangerous to someone else if they got severe symptoms. If people are thinking “well it’s only a cold so it won’t hurt anyone so I’ll go to non essential places” then that could be increasing the spread of influenza viruses which can kill people. Obviously if you don’t know what virus you’ve got it’s hard to judge. But it’s those thinking they DEFINITELY HAVEN’T got flu so it’s all fine that could be spreading it more.

If she had actual flu diagnosed she is incredibly selfish going near anyone. She should stay at home.

Well it can be!

It’s not really relevant in this case because either the child is mildly ill but has been tested for flu (unlikely), or is so unwell that the parents have assumed flu. Either way, perfectly reasonable to not want to catch whatever it is.

I partly agree as we have family who are paranoid about germs. Children need a bit of exposure to build immunity

Absolutely not. If she insists on coming, when your baby is at nursery and a walking Petri dish, make sure you pay her a return visit.

Not deliberately in a closed space with someone ill at 3 months they don’t!

YANBU. I wouldn't be happy with visitors that were ill - whether it was a cold or flu. Especially not with the children.

I once had to ask my MIL to leave because she turned up to see us all with an absolute stinker of a cold. She was only here 15 mins and we all got it.