Struggling with an unexpected arrival

[Lollipop20]

I have a sibling who has caused what I can only describe as chaos for the past 10 years- very manipulative, notorious liar, verbally very aggressive and has basically tormented the closest to them so much so as a family we had to make the hard decision to cut contact and have done over the last year (although my parents have had to pay numerous debts in the meantime for them with bailiffs coming to the house etc which hasn’t been acknowledged by my sibling of course) however I had a call from my parents a few days back to say they’ve turned up early hours in the morning banging the door angry with nowhere to go and now he’s staying there. This has just completely threw me to be honest, after seeing the upset they have caused the whole family I don’t want to see them nor my child who is 6 and doesn’t even know who they are as we have been protecting them due to their aggression and tbh they couldn’t care about them which broke my heart.

My parents typically look after my little one in the week after school due to me working full time however after this news we have agreed I will have to try and sort something as even they said they don’t want them round their grandchild (which is absolutely fine as I know my parents are going through something extremely difficult at the moment!)

but wow I am just thrown by this. I’m finding myself randomly crying and just cannot understand my emotions, everything just feels heavy. The last people he upset through his verbal aggression was my grandparents who were in floods of tears and I cannot let that go. Just feeling utterly lost, I’m close to my family. Has anybody been through this? It’s so hard to explain to people who haven’t experienced a sibling or a family dynamic like this previously.

Have your parents said how long they expect him to be there?

Would your parents ask them to leave or even get police to remove them ?

He needs to leave today. Tell your parents to say that they'll call the police if he doesn’t leave.

@PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul they’ve said it’s temporary/ until they can help them find somewhere- just to stress although it’s their child they really don’t want this either my mum was genuinely concerned if they were to come back again my dad would have a heart attack from the genuine stress (he has already been put on heart medication) in response to your question @Soonenough this is a very manipulative and calculated person we are dealing with and my parents are kind hearted lovely people so unfortunately it’s easier said than done (hence why I think they showed up at 3 in the morning banging the door down etc giving them not a lot of options)

How old is sibling? Are they likely to change?

this must be terrible for your parents. It is not uncommon for families to have troubled people in them (difficult behaviours, addictions etc). It is so difficult for these families to find peace. Some people just cannot look after themselves / behave.

could your parents look after your child at your house?

could you parents build a decent shed (with electricity etc and move sibling in there?)

Having lived through a similar situation to your parents, the only solution is to move house and change their numbers without telling your sibling. It will never end. They can choose to put up with it, of course, which is their current strategy; but it's extremely unlikely things will improve. Certainly don't suggest anything like building a shed for your sibling to stay in or working out terms that allow them to stay on a more permanent basis.

Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do if your parents choose to say in contact and support your sibling. Keep your distance to protect yourself and your child.

Can't your parents look after your child at your house? How old is your brother?

So sorry to hear you're going through this. I have no experience but my neighbours went through it a few years ago. Their son was chaotic, alcoholic, drug addict etc. they threw him out and he'd disappear for years then reappear out of nowhere. They refused him entry but one time he threw a wheely bin through their sitting room window. Police came and arrested him but he came back following day. They had a restraining order so he just kept getting rearrested until he disappeared again. His siblings took it in turns to stay with their parents who were terrified of him. They have both since passed (old age) so I've no idea whatever became of him, house sold on now

Could your parents get a restraining order, I would be worried for their safety tbh

I think at the heart of this though, if I may observe (taking this at face value), is it seems you’ve maintained a positive relationship with your parents to this point (evidenced by the relationship they have with your child, and facilitating childcare). And yet, this sibling is taking priority over you.
I think your parents should not make this your problem, and need to arrange to cover their pre-agreed childcare arrangements in a place away from their house until the sibling leaves.