To feel insecure about not having a strong family unit or friend group when it comes to dating?

[QuietCrimsonRaven]

I’ve noticed that a lot of emotionally healthy men seem drawn to women who have strong support systems - close families, tight-knit friendship circles or that “village” energy.
But I don’t really have that. My family dynamic isn’t great and my friend group is small and a bit scattered. I sometimes feel ashamed or less “whole” when dating, even if I know I have a lot to offer emotionally and intellectually.

AIBU to feel like this is a hidden disadvantage when it comes to relationships?

I had/have this, and I know exactly what you mean. But I’ve made more friends in the same position since having the DC if that helps, you do find one another! Just be confident and own it; you never know what pitfalls or weaknesses are in their life either.

"I sometimes feel ashamed or less “whole” when dating"
Sounds like you need to work on your self esteem before considering dating.

I don't even know why I'm replying because this is one of those three word user name word/colour/bird vaguely anti women/anti feminist bullshit posts that occur on here so frequently. OP will either disappear in a puff of smoke or come back with vague twisting word soup replies before disappearing.

Do you like being a lone wolf op? I’m lucky to have a good network but I also do a few things solo that I perceive I get more kudos from than anything about my friends or family. Own it, make it a cool feature about you. Or if it actually bothers you invest your time in building friendships and come back to dating when you feel more secure in yourself.

If I were looking to date a single dad with little support or family help - it would put me off .
I would wonder how he’s gonna get the time to date me and if he’s gonna start bringing his kids along .
If he has no mates I would worry he wants to spend all his spare time with me - smothering !
im sure men think the same doubts if its the other way round .

Personally I wouldn't date a man who didn't have either a strong friend group OR a close family, I appreciate some families are shit, so wouldn't judge on that alone, but if not close to family and have struggled also to make/keep friends, they probably aren't a good fit for me. I'm a social person, who likes a lot of independence and variety, so I want similar in a relationship. But lots of people want to do the majority of things with their partner, so I don't think it's a red flag, more a personality/preference thing.

I don’t really see myself as a lone wolf by choice, it’s more that circumstances shaped things this way. I’m comfortable on my own and do enjoy solo time, but that’s different from not having a strong family or friendship network to fall back on. I take your point about owning it or investing elsewhere. I suppose my question was more about whether others feel that absence is quietly felt in dating, even when you’re otherwise secure in yourself.

Yup.

Men are drawn to women. That’s it.

I’m not a mum.

I understand what you’re saying, and it probably is a factor, but just one of many.

And it’s not just men, women take this into consideration as well.

I met DH when I was young and didn’t really take it into consideration, and as it turns out, he doesn’t have any of that. I don’t really either so it has made for a somewhat lonely upbringing for our kids, no big family parties etc.

My situation is that my family was quite small anyway, but then a lot of them died. Friends are all quite scattered, no one big friendship group.

Husbands situation is that his family is quite fractured, no siblings and no relationship with cousins. One absent parent, other parent now deceased. As regards friends, I met him when he had just moved to my city for work, so didn’t really have any friends here. I think he thought I was really popular and he could slot into my established friendship group, because at the time he met me, there was a kind of group vibe, but it was just a moment in time, it wasn’t an established group, so obviously that never materialised for him.

Overall it’s been fine. It’s just one factor out of many. I don’t think it will be an issue when dating.

I don’t really............
it’s more that...................
I suppose my question was more about............

Yeah, these are all phrases repeatedly used in these fake posts by the vaguely anti woman posters. You can spot 'em a mile off.