To go away with friends even though DH doesn't have any?

[RememberMeee]

Ok. It's not that he doesn't have any friends, but his social circle isn't as extensive as mine. He's just had a sulk because I've put some holidays on the calendar. One weekend in March, four days in June (during the week) and a long weekend in September. These are with three different groups of friends.

I tell him regularly to book something away with his best friend (they've been talking about Copenhagen for years) but it just never materialises.

We have one child (12) and she is pretty self sufficient so it's not a childcare issue. We have holidays booked as a family in Easter and the summer holidays. I've also planned a weekend away just me and him when DD is away at camp. I pay for all my holidays myself (I am the higher earner and also do most of the work at home) so it's not that finances are an issue.

So AIBU to go away with friends when my husband can't? (Or actually doesn't because they can't get their fucking acts together!)

No it’s fine.

Why should you limit your life just because his is different to yours.

As long as you can afford it and you’re spending time with him and as a family, and he has the same opportunities to do the same - then it’s absolutely fine.

You not going wouldn’t mean him going more - you’d just end up missing out.

You are both individuals and need to live your lives as individuals, not just as a couple.

He can do solo trips and make new friends if his friends are the issue.

It’s a non issue. You aren’t tied at the hip .
It is perfectly normal to have time away with friends .

Totally fine.

Totally fine.

If he's jealous that you get to go away with friends, then he needs to find some friends who are up for holidays/breaks. The answer isnt to limit someone else's life!

YANBU

Why do you think he’s sulking? Do you think he is jealous of your friends? Or he thinks you should prioritise holidays with him/DC rather than your friends?

Or something else?

My friend has a husband that is constantly sulking about things like this. She has encouraged him to go out and do stuff with his friends so many times but he never does. Even organising drinks with friends (with my husband for example) never materialises despite the regular talk about it. I really don’t get it. Mine is not a social butterfly but he is happy I’m going out and satisfying my own social needs when socialising is not really his thing.

If it were me, I’d be having a serious conversation to discuss this and put it to bed. Having to justify every outing and every trip is absolutely exhausting and is often accompanied by guilt and tiptoeing. Life should not be this difficult, you are not committing a crime.

Of course it's fine. He needs to get a grip.

No issue with going away with your friends. It’s not your fault that his friends aren’t as efficient or willing to do stuff.
I would say you were bu if you weren’t also making time for your DP but you are.

Totally fine, he needs to get a grip.

"He's just had a sulk"

That sounds really unpleasant.

Let him sulk.

His problem, not yours