To be almost depressed with my god awful hair?

[Pacif]

Im 45. My hair was originally mousy brown but has been dyed many times over the years and is currently dark brown. It’s rapidly falling out due to severe anaemia (and possibly a poor diet) so its thin and dull. If I let it dry naturally it’s an awful curly (not nice curls) frizzy mess. It’s long, wild - so I just tie it up in a crap pony tail but I had a wake up call yesterday when there was a post on Facebook taking the piss out of 90s teenagers with their pony tails and dangly bits at the front - my hair was like that when I was a teen … and still is!!!

As I said I’m 45 but I look over 50. I’m pale and poorly looking and my awful hair just makes me look 10 times worse. I’ve tried every product going … every method going …

Its always been long - AIBU to say fuck it, get it cut short (shoulder short) so at least there is less of it? But I’m scared …

those of you over 40 - what hairstyle do you have? Especially if you are cursed with crsp hair?

My hair used to be very like yours.

As a child, I had lovely silky blonde hair. Very fine, but easy to manage and pretty.
But then I hit puberty and it turned into a frizzy mess. I didn't discover straighteners until I went to university in 2003. They enabled me to tone down the worst of the frizz, but it wasn't a good look.
Then in my early 30s, I decided to cut it all off. I went pixie-short and it's sooooo much better. No frizz at all, I just run a very quick brush through it, and off I go!

I had a major crap hair episode a couple of years back after a bout of illness , it fell out , every time I washed it the plughole blocked . If I ran my fingers through it there was a huge lump of hair in my hand . It was cotton woolly and stuck out at the back in a sad tufty little tail.

I took some multi-vitamins with iron and Biotin . Weekly deep conditioning treatments and Aragon oil in between.
Had some length removed .
It grew back in , really wavy , like corrugated iron !

I keep it shoulder length now as any longer pulls my scalp .

Long hair is lovely if it is in good condition , but if you just tie it back then having it long or shoulder length doesn't really make much difference .

My hair is total dog shit. It always was fine and fly away, but now I am in peri it's horrendous. Eating loads of protein does loads for my nails (which are lovely), but not my hair! I have never dyed or bleached mine so it's not damaged, and the texture is getting quite wirey now greys are coming through.

I have had to cut it in a bob to get it in any way acceptable looking. And reduce the amount I wash and dry it too.

OP look up traction alopecia. The longer your hair is, the more weight on your scalp when you tye it up, which worsens any hair loss. That’s why I’ve been keeping mine shorter since peri started. The hair loss was unreal when my hair was longer. I still get hair loss but not to the same extent.

You need to get your health sorted / what you see in your hair is what is happening inside your body . It’s a warning sign not something to be fixed with a trip to the hairdressers

how often are you washing and do you actually use shampoo ? Weekly with conditioner for me.

No more ponytails!!

Get a good cut - shoulder length. Get used to wearing it down. No more tension on your hair.

Buy Cornwall seaweed shampoo and conditioner. Use nothing else.

Do you use any products on your hair, or do you just let it dry completely natural? If I don't use a gel or curl cream, my hair looks a frizzy mess, but when I use a gel the curl pattern is defined and it looks nice. Alternatively, I straighten it, but leaving it to just dry without any product or no styling doesn't end well.

I keep mine long because shorter hair is even harder to maintain with my hair type. I had a bob and never again, it was so hard to maintain. I am in my late 30s but I am not cutting my hair short just because of my age, my hair is one of my best assets and looks great long.

My suggestions would keep working on your health.
I would personally stop dying it.
I would go to a hairdresser and get their advice.

I had long hair for years but always ended up wearing it clipped back. I noticed that those women I saw with cut and styled hair always seemed more put together than I felt. In my mind it looked like they took more care of their hair..... obviously not necessarily true! In the end I cut mine because inevitably it grows 🙂 so there's no harm in giving it a go. It's been short now for ten years

get it chopped. It will be freeing. It will feel better instantly and feel like a weight lifted.

for iron, try iron bisglycinate in a tablet with vitamin C included. And dietary iron like meat is much more bioavailable than supplements.

I was in the position of my hair falling out. When a new GP saw my blood results he took them seriously and I ended up having tests which identified the cause of my low iron and allowed treatment to start. Are you sure it's diet? People were quick to assume my iron deficiency was because I don't eat meat but it was actually undiagnosed coeliac disease. I also had my hair cut drastically from long to a pixie cut. Theoretically it shouldn't suit me because I don't have delicate features but I like it. I feel like it somehow took strain off my scalp while my body recovered and my hair is now a lot thicker.

I would get it cut short. Long hair only looks good if the hair is in good condition. Otherwise it’s a straggly mess. Talk to your hairdresser about a short style that would suit your face.

Shampoo and conditioner for curly hair really works. May help you live your hair a bit more?

What type of magnesium do you take? I take citrate

I’ve started using henna to dye my hair and it’s made an enormous difference to the quality of my hair.

https://www.hollandandbarrett.com/search/?query=pure%20hair%20dye

Solidarity, OP! Is wild hair genetic in your family? Mine is. No matter what you do to it, as soon as you set foot outside the door, it reverts back to its wild self, as if screaming that it can't be tamed! If it sees wind, rain, sweat, humidity, static, etc. it tends to go, "Ta-da! Look! I look like a 1980's newsreader/a windswept Shetland pony/Cousin It/a combination of Brian May and Hagrid!" Its natural state, and lack of finesse, tends to alarm hairdressers. My favourite one declared, "It's very fine, but there is a LOT of it, and all this blow-drying is really hurting my arms!" 😁

I have tried dye (it dried it out further), all kinds of shampoos and conditioners (including ones at eye-watering prices, even on sale), not exposing it to heat from hairdryers or straighteners for years, various supplements that are supposed to do wonders for your hair and so far, nothing works. I have regularly considered shaving it all off, but I am not brave enough to do that. In any case, it would probably still grow back the same.

Some of the women in my family have gone for shorter hair. Only one still finds that hers sticks out at odd angles and still needs taming, but said that it's easier than when it was long. I am lucky in that I can contain mine under a hat for the next few months, as I work outdoors. It's usually up in a bun (no straggly pony tails on show here!) and, as I don't have to look at myself all day, it is not my problem. I've had people make rude comments about my hair, so I've asked them if they want to deal with it every day, and when they say no, I remind them that I don't want to deal with it either.