Does anyone else feel quite paranoid over their child?

[Sundaymorningbluestoday]

My Dd is 7 and I just can’t imagine me being ok with her going to a sleepover (not yet at least) I know the pressure will start in a few years, plus the phone pressure.
I also always feel uncomfortable when checking out groups for Dd, for example she wants to go to an adventure type club two friends go to, but the staff are mainly male and it puts me off. There are also three male staff at her school
(not teachers, but door staff & library) and I sometimes wonder about them.
I never pass any of this on to Dd and she has quite a free life, plays at friends houses on the street etc
You just see so many awful things about how kids can be treated and evil people out there.

I think it's a shame that we now live in a society where we automatically distrust any male in a caring role and have suspicions about them.

What is it you wonder about them? Do you just assume that every male out there is a sex offender? It's a very tiny percentage of people that carry out these horrific crimes. And unless your planning on keeping your daughter locked up for all eternity, she will come across men, in all forms of jobs throughout her life. I don't think this paranoid attitude is helpful to her or you at all.

You sound overly anxious about males . I’m sure I read that most children are abused by someone they know - so do you feel the same anxiety about male relatives or her own dad?

Absolutely this too.

Kids aren't any less safe than they were a generation ago. It's the fact we are bombarded with news 24/7 that feels we are. In fact there's been lots of research showing that the loss of freedom and independence kids have is contributing towards less resilience and higher anxiety amongst kids. And it's no wonder when you see posts like this.

If you want a good book to read, free range kids is an excellent book to read.

Most abusers of children are male. Men with intent to abuse children will often work extremely hard to get themselves into positions of trust to enable them to do so.
You may not know the father or stepfather or brother etc under whose roof your child would be at a sleepover.
It is perfectly reasonable to be wary of all unknown males. I would suggest that not having a healthy suspicion of all males is naive.

Your anxiety is going to affect your daughter having a normal life. No matter how much you think it won’t, it will. She deserves normal experiences. Seek help.

P.S YOU deserve not to feel like this either x

‘Healthy’ suspicion is the keyword here.

Exactly this. Many actively go into those professions deliberately. Look at all the horrendous stories about childrens homes etc

Perhaps get some help with your anxiety and maybe stay off social media, it’s easy to read things online and blow the likelihood out of all proportion, the same rare cases are discussed over and over (I’m not saying it never happens and really sorry if you were the exception but it’s very rare) .

unless there’s extra factors a 7 year old can go to a club with male leaders

What horrendous stories of children homes? Yes most abusers are male but its a tiny minority and things like these that happen are rare. There are a lot more safeguards and checks now for men and people working in positions of trust.

I think the best thing you could do for your child is work on your paranoia and anxiety. You can't keep children wrapped up in cotton wool and away from all male members of society.

Mine are both boys so I don't think sleepovers are as popular, but no I don't tend to feel anxious about them starting new groups/going to youth clubs/friends houses etc.

DS1 is a bit scatter brained/very active so my main worry with him is that he'll go out to the park/beach with his friends and not look where he is going or jump off something tall. He's only in year 5 but in a year or two he will be going out by himself (maybe not the beach yet but to the local park).

Have you experienced abuse yourself OP? I'd understand this anxiety if you had? If so, it may be worth you getting support so that you dont project your worries on to your child (this can happen without you realise it). I think many of us are aware of these (small but real) risks and manage it by making sensible choices. E.g. sleepovers happen only with families we know well; looking for activities with strong welfare standards and/or ensuring female presence. At the same time, there needs to be some basic human trust at play otherwise you'd never let your child explore the world and get new positive experiences. Millions of kids do these activities every day and are not abused.

Probably made worse by watching this podcast thing with an ex policeman John Wedger, the things he was saying were shocking