I tried posting before however I got a lot of heat and don't feel I got my points came across, so I am going to try again because I honestly want sound help and advice.
I cannot stand my Sister's boyfriend. He is extremely rude and offensive to everyone. Making crude comments about how I came to live in a social housing. "This is what two bangs get you". With the next sentence being I like your house. It's really cosy ot something. Let me be clear, this was one of his first times in my house and he said this comment 3 times that night. The next day I did speak to my sister. She was drunk, he was sober. She said she would get him to apologise, but I said to leave it but I'd much prefer if she didn't tell him my business anymore. This happened a new year's eve. Their first together I would say so maybe 5 years ago now.
He also does not treat her overly nicely at times. And he comfortable speaking to her like this in front of her family. Which makes me sad because I think what way he might speak to her at home alone.
Another Christmas we all spent in one of my other sisters home. Family games commenced. My mother is elderly. She doesn't participate in the games but it's a running joke how she'll give the answer out loud if and when she knows. He got so mad at my mother. Was rude to her in front of us all. Then he got pretty angry with my sister over her performance in the game and said "this is why my family never want to play games with you". I could see it hurt my sister but it's her relationship. We didn't want to intervene and cause her more upset.
I have had conversations with my sister about different incidents that were concerning. She's told me he can get very jealous and was roaring at her in the street. She said she just went home and he followed later when he cooled down. She had plenty of excuses and reasons why he was like this. Bad ex ect ect
My mother has also had words with him and my sister about things she's witnessed. My sister lived with my mam before they bought their house. My mam observed my sister cooking him a meal and how he never raised his head up from his phone to say thanks or speak to my sister during the meal. My mother called him out on it. Said how it's a Sunday evening so he can't be on his phone for work would he not have some respect and talk to my sister or acknowledge her. My sister was upset with my mother about this.
She has since moved in with him and had a baby.
So we no longer feel like we can say anything to her but try our best to support her. But it's hard. She talks about how broke she is because she's on maternity leave. But they had the baby. Shouldn't it be their money. He is not broke with his trips off with the boys to matches ect ect When they were buying the house my sister was in a position to buy the house by herself. He sold a house he had with his ex and used that money towards his share. Great!!!
When she wanted to do up the house, he would argue with her about something but wouldn't listen to her when she was actually agreeing with him. One time this happened in front of me . When he walked away for his sulk. I did tell her that it's not right how he speaks to her and she should know she deserves better from him.
All my family have the same feelings and concerns about him. If I was to speak of some events individually, you might say he just tries to hard and so on. But when you add them all up, his overly nice act is controlling and forced.
Here is an example of that. My sister wanted to go to a concert aboard. Was staying an extra night or two for sight seeing. Tickets were booked while she was pregnant. he said he would go with her too. Their sitter fells through shortly before the concert. It was her only time to leave their baby so she said she wanted to still go. Her group of friends were going. So she was happy to still go. But he went behind her back and booked for someone to fly over with them and the baby so they could watch the baby over there for the concert. Now my sister was going to the concert but doing all the sightseeing with the baby in toe. She never got the break she was looking forward to. Now it might sound like that's a nice thing to do but he couldn't just let her have those two days to herself. He has had plenty of different nights out and nights away but the one time she was going. Now I know it might sound like he wanted to go as well or that but it's her type of music something he isn't overly into and it's just controlling in our eyes!
He constantly has to hold the conversation but it's not really a conversation. He is basically just talking at you.
I live in the town I grew up in still and now he lives here too. But when he is talking at me, he will be talking at me about things I would already know but he acts like it's the best thing since sliced bread and he discovered it if that makes sense. You'll have to try this pub or restaurant. But I have . If anyone changes the conversation ect he literally sulks. Could walk out of the room and my sister would have to follow to check on him.
I got engaged two years ago. He was over in my house again. We! received a gift of a framed photo of the location where we got engaged. Beautiful thoughtful photo. He asked my fiance if he had known where he proposed was going to be hanging up in our home, would he have chosen somewhere nicer. We got engaged on the grounds of a well known and well kept Castle!!! My sister just ignored this comment. I have not had him over in my house since.
My wedding is this year and I know I have to invite him to my wedding. For my sister's sake, But I just know he is going to take over when and where he can because that's his game. I feel like he'll be the guy in the middle of the aisle taking photos blocking the camera man because he takes great pictures ect ect and he is just trying to be nice and helpful but it would be much nicer if he just says down and stayed clear.
I don't know how to handle it. I can't have a conversation with my sister because she just thinks he can be a little annoying or overly excited.
But he is nearly 50 and I am more worried about him misbehaving than any of the children or teens coming to my wedding. Having him at my wedding has caused me a lot of stress and if I could have my sister there and not him i would be over the moon. So if you have a suggestion for that brilliant. If not, please tell me how I can manage being around him at all.