My ex I can’t trust him now

[Lolill]

My ex saying he’s going onto a treatment program through the hospital for his drinking doctors are going to write a letter for a referral. This is 3 rd time of leaving him and I don’t wanna go back to him he’s let me and my son especially down for nearly 3 years now and I think that’s enough time waste. But he’s always lied in past to get me back and it worked but I feel like this time I need to stick to my plans of not taking him back. What shall I do though?

I’d not believe a word he says. Yes, you’ve wasted enough time.

I feel like for me it’s done part of me wants to go back but then I remember what he’s been doing while we’ve had our son and it be 4 years this year that we’ve been together and it’s been a very bumpy ride 😞

Ask your ex to keep you updated, if only for your son's sake.
I'm not saying the referral isn't genuine, but it's still a while before the doctors' letters reach the right people, a place on a course is found, an actual starting date given.
While all this is working through the system, he can show you, rather than tell you, his good intentions?
If he is sincere, has he considered AA meetings while he is waiting? He will hopefully get moral support from people in the same situation.
As the suffragettes would say, "Deeds, not Words"

Stick to what you've decided.

If in two years, three years or ten years you decide you've seen enough to know he's genuine then you could discuss trying again with him.

However, at this point you know he's most likely just saying what he thinks he needs to say to win you over. So for all your sakes, especially your child's, walk away and let him choose his path for now.

He was seeking help when I was pregnant then he sacked it off after our son was born went to 2 appointments while he was born and never went back. his drinking just been an on going battle ever since and everytime I told him we go get help together he never wanted it I used to go to his appointments before as well when I was pregnant and after but anything I say he doesn’t listen. But all of a sudden he’s saying he’s now asking for help and he wants to fight for us to be a proper family. And tbf I do want proof this letter that he’s waiting for

Yes i totally agree with you he told me in his past that he’s battled with drink for years he’s older than me im 31 and he’s 45 and he even told me couple of weeks ago before I left that he’s finding it hard to change and now after asking him for nearly 3 years to get help he’s now seeking it after my leaving the 3 rd time but I feel like me and my son especially been through enough

You tell him thanks for letting me know, I hope t(e treatment programme works and you remain sober

then crack on with your day, he’s not your responsibility

Don't get back with him. Tell him you're glad he's getting treatment so he can be a good dad to your son. Then wait and see if he actually follows through and stops drinking. You don't have to be in a relationship with him if you don't want to.

Addicts lie and lie and lie. Forget him.

For your son’s sake you need to be done.

Even if he is genuinely seeking help, alcohol addiction is very difficult to beat and he is likely to rep-lapse several more times before he manages to kick it.

Focus on stability for your son, don’t even consider getting back together until you know for sure he has beaten his addiction and been able to maintain it for at least a year.

Addicts talk shit.

they continue to lie and manipulate people. My sibling has been doing it for years, I’ve gone no contact with them. Life is much easier.

This.

I did tell him that I hope this time it helps but I left it as that and he said that he’s thankful I’ve gave him another chance but I never actually said that and I just feel like he’s trying to sweet talk me to go back and then he can just keep doing what he’s been doing since our son been born.

I do yes while we’ve been away my son seems loads better and he seems more relaxed and comfortable while we’ve come back to my mums. He’s never really build a bond with him either which is sad and he does try and detox and then he relapses after 5th day of detox and it’s just a on going nightmare

Absolutely I’ve been feeling like I’ve been babysitting the fully grown man too and it’s just becoming abit of a joke now he does need to focus on himself and he said couple of days he needs todo it for himself too but he’s said that so many times as well and still carry’s on with his drinking.

So whose wellbeing are you going to prioritise your Son's, or your ex? You can go back, but you shouldn't be dragging your son back into an abusive home. Your ex is an alcoholic, but it's you that is keeping your son in that environment. It's a shame he can't stay with someone who puts him first, would your parents have him? Addiction is learned, your son's MH is going to be thrown away, but don't let that stop you.

I’ve left him and it’s hard when you want something to work and that person constantly lets you down in the end after telling you they will work on themselves or be a better person. I’ve left this time and I don’t wanna go back so yes I am putting my son first thank you very much!!

I’m going through something very similar with my ex and his cocaine addiction since October.
Me and my child have moved back to my parents and initially I tried low contact with him as he claimed that he wasn’t using and is changing, but then the facade drops and it’s clear again that he will continually lie about money and push boundaries—so I’m now having to just go completely no contact with him for mine and my child’s sake.

Your ex needs to lose absolutely everything to want to get help for himself and whilst you still let him back into your life each time, it’s showing him that you will accept this behaviour and he can continue.
Prioritise yourself and your child’s wellbeing and I really recommend you having absolutely no contact until proven record of him being sober for months.

It’s so hard and I’m so sorry you’re going through this too.

I’m so glad you’ve done that and I really hope you and your child are happy and safe xo and I absolutely agree with you because in past when I’ve gave him a chance he’s fine for a while and then goes straight back to being horrible and relapsing all the time and then trying to make excuses for his behaviour but my son been through enough with me giving his dad chance after chance and I know he’s not going to change and I rather have proof in a year or so than going back to being let down and putting my son through rubbish he doesn’t deserve it. Thank you for sharing your story with me really does mean a lot and your advise x

OP are you in the UK? Because if you are GP’s don’t refer to hospital for alcohol treatment. They would refer to the local drug and alcohol treatment service. Each area has one. Hospitals can detox whilst an inpatient but only if brought by ambulance and it’s not common. They’d never accept a GP letter, it’s not their role.
If he says he’s relapsed on day 5 of detox multiple times this also seems strange unless he’s stopped himself and gone cold turkey which is dangerous and can cause seizures. A prescribed detox relapse before completion means that he wouldn’t get one again until he’s ready and done more work to increase the chances of success.
My personal view (as a professional in the sector) is that he’s never been anywhere near the appropriate treatment service and he’s not being truthful. None of this is how the system works, he’s guessing and you don’t know any different.
Leave and don’t go back or this will continue to be your life. You can seek support yourself through Al Anon or your local treatment services will have a carers support service.