Antenatal classes … booked two

[hovebaby99]

We had our first class today and went really hoping to meet some friends (we do not know anyone where we live). Not a single couple felt welcoming or up for meeting people as well, it was incredibly awkward and to be honest uncomfortable, couldn’t wait to leave. In a state of panic (mostly from me, worrying about not meeting anyone) we have just booked on to another course which is also much nearer to where we live, is more expensive (but has way more classes ) it will be cutting fine to my due date….

I can’t work out if we have been totally ridiculous or if other people have experienced something similar? Has anyone else attended classes so close to their due date?

I went to a couple and didn’t really speak to any of the other parents. I went purely to learn! Once your baby is here and you go to baby groups i’ve found those to be alot more social and all the mums chat 😊

Don’t worry about feeling awkward - chances are most others were in the same boat. If youre worried about making social connections, Some people make lifelong friends at these things, and others (inc me) don’t but don’t fret- you’ll have loads of opportunities to meet other pregnant women and new mums if you’re out and about locally, attending classes you like the look of, and walking out with the pram. Don’t be afraid to approach others with their babies too and strike up conversations. I’m on my second mat leave and made lots of mum connections this way, with social groups gradually and organically forming. I attended lots of baby yoga when my baby was very small and sleepy still, and often whoever was at those classes would want to walk and get coffee and chat as well. You’ll find your people don’t worry!! Congrats on your pregnancy!

What course did you go to and what is the more expensive one? I did NCT primarily to meet people and everyone was of the same view. Week one might not be the best to gauge from as its always awkward meeting new people. See how week 2 goes and ask if anyone wants a coffee after or to meet up a different day for a walk.

We didn’t really bond until after babies born and now (6months old) we meet up once a week - you may find same!

We went to NCT and no one really spoke during the first few classes, then a bit more towards the end. It's after the classes once the babies were born that we bonded - particularly the mums as we met a lot during our mat leave.

Going to a local class is definitely a good idea though. I struggled to join a lot of meetups because I was leaving further away.

It's not particularly odd to try and meet new parents before the birth, the first maternity leave is very lonely in my experience, so having a group to chat and meet with is very important.

Sounds like a good idea to do one close to home op. I agree with others that you do sometimes build the friendship once baby arrives. Good luck I hope it goes well and you meet some nice friends

We made lots of friends at NCT but I feel like the classes themselves were a bit awkward - it was after when we made a WhatsApp and when the babies arrived and us mums would chat non stop about adjusting to newborn life and regularly meet up that we all became actual friends. There wasn’t masses of opportunity to chat in the classes themselves.

I agree with others that going to a local one is your best bet so meet ups are close.

In terms of closeness to your due date, I went to one where my due date was the latest in the group by about 6 weeks and my baby was the youngest when born. That was kind of useful in that all the others experienced things first so I got more advice than the ones whose babies were oldest and experienced things first. But that probably only mattered a lot in the first 12 weeks or so when things change mega fast. After that, different babies did things at different speeds and it didn’t matter really that mine was 6 weeks younger than the eldest.

Personally, I treated it as a medical appointment, not a social opportunity. Don’t get me wrong, I was polite and friendly… but I was incredibly anxious and had complex pregnancy complications - I wasn’t in the head space to be using these educational classes as anything other than what they are.

I wouldn’t take it personally, I just don’t think this is the right setting to try and build friendships. Mothers groups (or whatever it’s called in the UK) after birth are a better opportunity, or if you are new to the area then join some hobby groups eg. A walking group, yoga/pilates, craft, take some cooking classes, etc.

I didn't go to any and everything was fine.

I met other mums at baby groups, after I'd had the baby. I think it's much easier to chat and bond when you have your babies to talk about and also distract the focus a bit.

Good idea my friend did two and way preferred one group. it’s pot luck.
i also got adopted by another group (the nct course i did was in location that ex and i were planning to move to, when we split just before baby was born I needed to stay in my flat in my hometown but was so sad not to have an nct group so my pal from pregnancy yoga said I can join hers!)

I think the ones you pay for (NCT) tend to be better. We just went to the NHS one and left it left so only attended 2 classes and then DS arrived 2wks early. The midwife leading it phoned me during one of the classes to say she had checked and saw i’d delivered and congrats. She asked his name and weight to tell everyone. This was before what’s app anyway, as he is 21 now. If I was doing it now, i’d pay for NCT as close to home as possible. My mat leave with DS was incredibly isolating and in those days I had no internet at home so the days were long and lonely as my family all lived 250 miles away.

Like others, our NCT group really came into it's own once babies were here. The first session was very awkward, and although we were all laughing and chatting together by the end of the course the WhatsApp group was very quiet until the babies started arriving. A year on and mums/babies meet several times a week, dads meet up more ad-hoc but probably once a month. We've had several big meetups with everyone, and also a mums Christmas night out.

I think you may have jumped the gun assuming you wont make friends after the first session. As with all things it can take time and I agree with previous posters that its after the babies start arriving that real connections (or at least mums to hang out with on mat leave) start forming.

I did NCT 15 years ago and there were 9 couples. I found that the mums meet ups were always open to all 9 mums and although we were all very different (ranging from a GP to an artist, age 25 to 43) everyone went along when they could and it was a life line.

Over time a few deeper friendships formed that have spanned the 15 years, but mostly we have now gone our separate ways and never meet as a group. Maybe we we will for their 18th!

I am still very close to one lady and consider her and her husband one of our closest friends. I dont see the others anymore but in the pre school years we all spend alot of time toegther having coffee/parks/local groups etc.

I think you should stick at it OP, they dont have to be friends for life but all having your first baby is a significant bonding experience in my experience.

Like others have said I found it didn’t take off until babies arrived. Then there were basically three stages - the first when we were all dazed and knackered with newborns and collectively not know what the hell we were doing, so it was amazing to meet up with them weekly. Then things settled and we did activities together for a good long while like swimming. Then as the kids got a bit older, we went back to work, second babies began to appear, got to know each other as adults not just parents, people moved, we went our separate ways - some strong friendships were formed some drifted.

i ended up with 2 groups as i got adopted by an NCT group who lost a member due to a premature birth. My DD (13) is still friends with one of those kids and I’m friendly with their parents. Of the other group one of them is now one of my very best friends but we’ve completely lost touch with all the others.

another thing we did that’s was really successful was random befriending - literally pushing your pram up to someone in the park who also has a teeny weeny baby and getting to know them. A friend and I put together a baby group like that. We started off inviting people to meet up at an established baby group and then ended up with our own “bring a friend, all welcome” group. That was amazing and I’m still in touch with quite a few of them today. When you’re a first time parent it can be quite lonely.

It's total pot luck. My daughter's 13 and while I've still got their numbers (NCT group) and they were perfectly nice women (well except one!) we've not turned into friends.

Whereas my mate from choir, in her 60s, kids long left home, still has meet ups with hers!

Our best parent friends are our neighbours and existing friends who had kids around the same time.

The NCT lot drove me crackers. They all found having babies hit them like a ton of bricks and they couldn't get to meetups even within 2 hours of the advertised time in some cases; they couldn't fold prams; they couldn't find places; they were endlessly WhatsApping about minutiae.

I'm not being smug. We had a load of problems later, but the logistics part of getting the wailing potato to the coffee shop I found quite straightforward.

Oh and they'd all just moved to the area so all basically lived in construction sites!

Yes, this was my problem with antenatal groups - I found the newborn baby stage fairly straightforward and I just had nothing in common with the other mums. And for medical reasons I stopped breastfeeding at 3 months, and was combi-feeding for a while before that, which very much marked me as an outsider - all of the other mums in one group were exclusively breastfeeding and they essentially made it clear I was no longer welcome once I wasn't.

More than half of my NCT group (including us) have since relocated out of area anyway.

I found it much easier to make friends at toddler groups, especially after I'd relocated to a different area when my eldest was 2.

I feel seen @CakeIsNotAvailable! I also bottle fed (because I wanted to, so shoot me) and I'm sure they bitched about that too.

I met one on the train years later and she started bitching about our school choices. I couldn't close her down. Packed commuter train and when I got off in London a random man said "I thought you held your ground very well." Mortifying!

From mine and friends’ experiences, NCT seems to be the only one where people really want to make friends. I don’t remember anyone I know having friends from other antenatal groups, except one who met people at a prenatal yoga course.

Personally, I found that since everyone here does NCT (very middle class/affluent area), it was almost impossible to meet mums at baby classes. I lived in a slightly different area to my NCT friends so did baby classes away from them. Everyone just turned up with their NCT friends, and even if they weren’t openly unfriendly to others you’d have to push hard as the outsider to break into the group. I didn’t really make any mum friends outside of NCT until baby was a toddler and interacting with other children himself.

If you live in an area where NCT is less common, that might be less of an issue though.

Have you tried due date Facebook groups? I'm still in a WhatsApp group who talk daily from a FB sept 2020 due date group.

I think you’re panicking, it was only the first week. We didn’t really get friendly til a few weeks in. They’re strangers!

Yeah just Do it....
Yes You are paying for friends.but it can make a big difference to your mat leave experience a lot of women find it lonely.

Keep going to the first one the couples might warm up.

My nct group were all weirdos bar 1 couple amlnd the course was shit. Wish Id done bump and me or wharltever ghe other one is.

I also recommend the peanut app for meeting people due around the same time

Went to our class and felt we didn’t vibe with other couples. Babies came along and one of the mums made a WhatsApp group and it’s been a lifeline. Honestly first impressions didn’t count. These women are kind generous supportive and have made some life long friends. Hang in there and be the one to maybe make the mums only WhatsApp group!