Getting divorced but struggling with teens!

[CondeNastTraveller]

OK I will try to keep this brief and not drip feed. Was married for 16 years. Im going through a divorce (abusive and emotionally neglectful) after STBXH moved out between lockdowns in 2020. We see him about once a month to see the kids as he has moved 2hrs drive away. At first they didn´t want to see him, but things have got a bit better in recent weeks and he actually took them away on holiday last year.

Both Teens are ND and the behaviour, esp of my son was instrumental in why STBXH walked away, he just couldn´t cope. We had police, SS, school help, went through all the EHCP stuff with both kids for years etc etc.

I have continued to work part time to be supportive of the DC, but recently I feel like I am drowning. No relatives nearby, except for a judgemental sister.

My biggest worries at the moment are DD-16 has a boyfriend and has been buying condoms, so need to get contraception sorted like yesterday. She has poor mental health, not eating, not sleeping, just started vaping, CAMHS useless, school worried and i feel like a total failure.

DS-18 spends all day in his room gaming and not sleeping at night much either. He might or might not go to college most days.

I don´t even know what I´m asking. Does this get better? Because my mental health is falling like a stone with the fussy eating, the recent behaviour etc and I don´t know if I can go on. Thanks for reading, and please send helpful suggestions x

So sorry that you're struggling OP, it does sound like you've got a lot on your plate. When you feel so weighed down with worries, it can be hard to even think clearly, let alone make a plan to address your problems! You are NOT a failure - you're the one who stayed around to parent your children every single day - you're a bloody warrior!

Here's a few suggestions which may or may not help you but worth considering -

Firstly, I would take your DD to the GP asap and discuss contraception. This would be my first priority because you absolutely don't want a pregnancy to add to your worries

Secondly, I would make an appointment for yourself and talk to your GP about getting some support for your own mental health. I have a disabled son & I take antidepressants and they do help me keep my head above water

I would also look into any local support groups and meet other parents who understand what you're going through. Honestly, other mums of children with additional needs have been my lifeline at times - they just get it and know how hard it is.

There's no magic bullet to make things better but you do need to prioritise yourself at least some of the time. If you can fit in a yoga class, a soak in a hot bubble bath, coffee and cake with a friend - even if it's only occasionally, it gives you a bit of a lift. You're dealing with a lot and you can't pour from an empty cup.

This made me cry. Thank you so much! Yes, I have booked the practice nurse at the GP to get a contraceptive implant fitted ASAP. I've also got her some condoms and chatted to the boy's mum, who is lovely. Its all just moving so fast at the moment, while STBXH gets to do nothing from one day to the next.

Im reluctant to go on antidepressants myself, as weaning off them is horrible. Plus I take issue with medicating myself because of other people's shifts behaviour!

I've had a stinking cold this week, so I've held off going to the gym. I don't know about yoga, but some punching and heavy lifting will probably do me the world of good next week.

I meant shitty behaviour, but the edit didn't work!