Can anyone identify with this feeling after seeing parents/family

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My brother said recently that he feels a sort of sadness and stress after leaving our parents’ house. I realised that’s exactly how I feel and when I am around them I find it stressful and uncomfortable and intense. I prefer to meet in a neutral place because of it. I don’t think this is how one should feel after being around parents but I wondered if anyone else could identify with it? Did you have a difficult childhood? I think I did now I look back with adult eyes.

hopeful bump

I don’t but my childhood was fine. What do you think was wrong with yours and what are you fearing or on the alert for when you go back home?

I didn't feel like that when visiting my childhood home, no. We did go through some difficult times as a family (I lost a sibling aged 12 and my teenage years were hard because of this) but we felt loved and did have a lot of happy times too.

It sounds like you and your brother didn't have a happy childhood? Does being in their house trigger bad memories for you?

I didn't have a difficult childhood but that's a concerning feeling both you and your brother have. What makes you feel that way? Are there specific behaviours from your parents? It's interesting you can meet them in a neutral place but being in their home is a problem - did something happen there?

You feel what you feel so of course you are not being unreasonable for feeling it! Could the intensity be linked to your parents' neurodiversity or some sort of unhealthy dynamic between them? How do you find meeting just one of them, without the other? Does it feel the same, more intense or more relaxed?

Is it connected to being more aware of how your parents are ageing and, perhaps, not interacting with you in the same way as they used to.

Yes, I feel sad and stressed after seeing both my parents (divorced). I had a fine childhood but they have both moved on with other people and I find it frustrating and lonely seeing them. I am constantly reminded how we don’t have much in common with each other any more: that makes me sad.

This is my experience and my explanation for it.

A feeling of stress and sadness (not sure if it is mine or theirs).

Dad feels sad ☹️

Not sure if that is helpful.

What makes you so uncomfortable about their home? Did you have a happy childhood.
I had a similar feeling leaving my parents but it was warm/sadness, that Im not the child/teen who lived there anymore, now they’ve died that feeling is gone.

This resonates with me, complex family dynamics, a sibling who has brainwashed my DM into believing that they are owed their pound of flesh with constant demands . A difficult DN and a father from whom I am estranged, yeah I’d say sad and stressful covers it. I’m always relieved when I leave.

Yes, I do. 100%. I feel so anxious and stressed before I see them. Sometimes I cant face them. I believe this is due to how controlling they are. I avoid them as much as possible

^ similar here: if your family are not very emotionally responsive/attuned to you, it is normal, natural and healthy to feel ‘off’ when seeing them, ESPECIALLY in the family home where all those dynamics are activated (whereas they might behave more ‘normally’ in a public space)

Other posters don’t understand as it’s not ‘normal’: it is sadly not uncommon though

I love my mum a lot but she has a lot of trauma and as a result she isn't very emotionally open and we have had some ups and downs. I don't visit her (don't have a childhood home as we moved a lot) but when she visits me, while it's lovely to see her, I do feel tense and on edge then relieved and guilty when she goes home

It makes me feel like an awful daughter but I know it's just that our relationship and background has taken a toll. I try and journal my feelings and that helps. Also therapy!