Working mums with young kids- how do you manage your life

[Handsfreeme]

Odd question but I’m 29 with 2 year old twin boys and I’m going back to work next week (2 days a week 8am-6pm) and the twins will be at nursery till 6pm 2 days a week.

How do you balance everything from the housework to the nursery/ work and spending time with your kids and DH, and also other life events with both sides families!

I get very overwhelmed but I am usually very organised so I just needed tips and advice really on how best to balance and manage it all. I know I’m not working full time but I am Pakistani and in our lives extended families and our siblings/ parents play an active role and we need to keep them seeing the twins too so it gets tricky!

I am not Pakistani and don't have the same family set up that you do. I think you have two options on the days that you work. You either put in boundaries and state that you collect the children and then they bath and go to bed and we can't see family on those days (assuming they have early ish bedtimes). The other option is that you ask for help in a way that makes them feel included but not overstepping your boundaries after a long day at work. For example someone to leave you a meal that you can heat up on working days.

Then on your days off organise your cleaning so it for example gets done on the mornings and you spend the afternoons doing family stuff. Or get them involved, do you have any elders that would enjoy helping you to batch cook? Or would like to come with you food shopping? An extra adult to watch the twins in the trolley or even have them at your house and you can nip out and do it?

In regards to organisation we share a family calender on our phones so we can quickly discuss plans with each other and put it in. I also follow the organised mum method for cleaning which helps on my days off (I work three days a week).

Prioritise the basics.

Safety, food, time for dcs, income (getting to work on time) come first.

Then cooking decent food & hygiene (people, clothes, bathrooms, kitchens)

Then the rest of the chores & time with partner.

Wider family and friends come after that during the toddler years, and only if you aren't horizontal with exhaustion. If wider family & friends insist on being involved, they can offer childcare, invite you all round for supper, or help with chores.

You’re correct that in working two days a week, it’s difficult to see the problem beyond all the usual stressors of having kids.

Why does family seeing the twins impact? Are you expected to travel to them? Are you expected to host for long periods at your home? How often?

Even if so, I’m not sure the time expectation, but it would be no different to working more hours a week which plenty of parents do. I worked full time with twins.

You asked for tips, so I managed that by:

• outsourcing some housework - cleaning
• having a husband who deemed all housework and childcare as his responsibility and supported me at all times
• always organising ahead of time

Forward planning, rock solid organisation and use that family who are so crucial in your childcare plans. If they expect to see the kids often they have to help you make that happen. If you are not in a traditional role as a stay at home mum, some of the traditional aspects they might expect have to adapt. And as you have a husband, that includes him. I am a SP so the planning and organising in some ways is more streamlined but if you are contributing financially, he needs to step up.on the home front also, especially on those two days.

I see it as a life with three things I have to ‘do’ - work, my kids, and housework. I figure I can do two of those things well. If I try to do all three, they’re all a bit shit. If I do two and let one go, the ship stays afloat. So my house is less clean and tidy than I’d like, but I’m good at my job and have headspace for my kids. And an ambition to get a cleaner!

Outsource some of your housework by hiring a cleaner.

Use your family network to support you with childcare.

Make sure your DH does his fair share.

I worked 3 days. It was a case of drop to childcare, work, collect, home for tea then bath & bed.
on a Sunday I looked out clothes for kids for the following days, bags packed for the working days, if I had chance I’d also cook so meals were made for the working days. Didn’t always manage but it was a huge help when I did. (I’ve now been a parent for 16yrs and I still try do cooking on a Sunday!)

the likes of visiting family is thrown in to a weekend once activities are finished, sometimes can manage both sides but sometimes not!

YOUR family (you, OH, kids) come first, if others wish to see you then they could of course visit you when you’re available. Right now with 2 year olds you have much less commitments, wait til they’re at school and attend activities 🤯 we’re out 7 days a week for those!!!

As you work 2 days per week that means you have 5 days at home so just accept that on your 2 working days, you won't get much more done in addition to working, collecting your twins, having dinner, bath, story and bed with the children. On the other days, you can manage all the usual chores and fit in the family visits. I had young children and worked full time and it was difficult but I involved them in the housework and no reason why you can't do you grocery shopping with them in a trolley. I bought a slow cooker so dinner was ready when I got home from work or on your home days you could prepare food for the following work day. When I finally got children to bed, I would then iron in front of the tv. I also had to accept that my standards had to slip a little and my house isn't the show house it was before I had children, but it's clean and we're all happy.

Its 2 days a week? I cannot fathom your question. You have 5 days - 3 more than everyone else - to do the rest of life.

Bills come first, which means work comes first.

You'll only be at work 2 days per week. You'll be fine.

I say this kindly but I don’t think working 2 days a week will disrupt things too much.

Have the nursery bags and pj's for when the twins get home laid out ready the night before. Prepare ingredients to put in the slow cooker the night before and put it on in the morning. The two days you work will have to be days the twins don't see extended family, 8-6 is a long day for 2 year olds, it will just be pretty much straight into bed time routine when you get home. You will be fine with just 2 days, as long as you put in that little extra work to be prepared for the 2 work days, the other 5 will be as your days are now.

Plan your week with near military precision - including rest time.

Have set days when you will see extended family that don't live with you.

Accept any help you get that doesn't cause you hardship.

Remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup, so include time to relax or have a moment's quiet.

I can sympathise with how difficult it is to juggle everything-whether you're full or part time, it's not easy. I have the same background so I can understand the family obligations. We used to visit one set of grandparents who lived nearby during the week after work one day for dinner then the other set at the weekend for a couple of hours one morning. The rest of the weekend was then family time for just us and we also got the cleaning, cooking and work prep done. We've moved further away now though so it's much harder- one full day at the weekend is spent visiting both grandparents, half a day each. The other day is spent cleaning, cooking, doing school and work prep which doesn't leave much family time. We will take a weekend off visiting every couple of weeks because it is just too much and everyone is quite understanding of that. You could also arrange a set day with your siblings each week or fortnight where you get together at your parents house- that way you're not having to fit in extra visits anywhere. The only thing that helps me is having set routines in place so we all know what's happening each day. Sundays we will usually batch cook, kids have to tidy their rooms each night, DH and I each have our own tasks around the house. I think finding what routine works for you will help and sharing the load so you and DH are each doing your bit around the house/with the kids. And if extended family is able to help at all, i would take it! Sorry, dont know if that's helpful 😅 but I do understand how hard it is. Good luck!

Older kids so much easier stage (I was a stay at home Mum when the kids were the same age as yours but DH does work very long hours/some weekends). Went back when kids were school age.

I work 4 days, housework on day off (few jobs every evening). DH will help with everything around his work but mainly does the cooking (when hes home to), garden, diy and I concentrate more on the cleaning/washing but both of us will do anything.

We try and make all weekends count when he is off so we usually see both sets of grandparents once a month to 6 weeks, either walk/pub lunch or going to their houses. Probably see mine abit more as tend to see mine when DH is working too. Both very understanding of us needing our own family time, never any pressure (both have busy retired lives). I think it helps to have grandparents with hobbies (we’re not their sole focus so ours are always out and about doing their own thing). Once kids get older, theres non-stop party invites, seeing friends etc, school work, so weekends are not always free to see family so having good boundaries with family and being realistic about when you can see them is important in my view. You dont want to end up having no time for your own little family (or just doing nothing at the weekend which everyone needs from time to time) trying to please all the family.

Batch cooking! And if you can stretch to it, a cleaner for 3hrs every 2wks, which is just enough to keep on top of everything if we don't have time. Plus it forces us to tidy things away every 2 weeks.

However, only working 2 days a week you should be fine. Work is easier than looking after 2 little kids too! You might find you have some brain space to actually plan things better.

Mate. Two days a week! You enjoy the peace and quiet on those two days and live the rest of your week as normal. Don’t over think it. It’ll be great.

Are we missing some additional context? Struggling to see why just 2 days a week at work would be hard

Sorry don’t mean to get into competitive hardship but two days a week with family support is very normal and routine. I managed five days a week as a single parent without any family support at all. You just have to get on with it. In my case this meant I had to pay for childcare every time I moved.

I second the people who say be organised but sounds like you already are. And also work out what really matters. In your case it’s family, job and housework in this order. Outsource whatever you can (cleaning etc) and don’t feel guilty if your home isn’t spotless all the time. If your family wants to be involved let them but also lean on them.

You make sure your partner is doing his fair share.

Our routine is 5 outfits planned and set out on a Sunday (including my outfits). We batch cook on a Saturday morning (we use 2 slow cookers and cook double portions so we can take a week off every now and then). You will need a tub freezer. Breakfasts are set out the night before after we clear the dinner table (without milk). I do a laundry wash each evening and put a load away in the morning. Dishwasher goes on each night and unloaded in the morning. A robot hoover helps us through the rest. Beds are made in the morning as each child dresses. We have a cleaner once a week. It sounds like a lot but actually once you are in a routine it’s fine. We are a bit strict on making sure shoes and coats get put in the same place each day as that can cause chaos. Get your food shop delivered

The toddler years are the hardest.
get a cleaner to help with housework.
don’t put yourself under pressure to go visiting extended family or entertaining them, if you’re exhausted take a lazy day at home chilling with your kids.
make sure husband does his share.
batch cook at the weekends.
get foodshop delivered to your home.
use the extended family when needed for childcare great that you have a village to help you (I didn’t have this option unfortunately and had to take unpaid leave off work every time my toddlers were unwell) my middle son had about 30% attendance at nursery in his first year because of coughs colds wheeze hand foot and mouth norovirus etc etc the list goes on.
it was hard.

You make sure you are not married to a child who takes on their fair share? It shouldn’t be overwhelming if you partner does half.
Also lots of mums work 4 or 5 days. 2 is not much. Also being Pakistani is great as you have lots of family to help out?

This!