How to hand notice In to toxic boss

[TimeTraveller2718]

I am handing my notice in to my job. For context, I have only been there for just over 4 months. It is a horrible culture and I have an extremely hostile, micromanaging boss who I do not really get along with. The 4 months I have been there, I have been in tears most days and my health has taken a hit, I know leaving is the best thing for me.

I have an interview next week and I am hopeful l will be able to snap something up but also have the help of my DH and family in the meantime. For context this is a last resort for me but I physically cannot stay much longer or I feel I will have a breakdown.

I need to hand my notice in but I am in the office 4 days a week and I know my manager is not going to take it well, I feel sick at the thought of having to face her as I know how she will react. Is it bad if I send her an email and don’t do this face to face? I want a reference and my notice period is 1 week.

please be kind!

Yeah just email. Who cares whether its 'bad' or not you wont see her for much longer. Id be brief and factual, never complain never explain never apologize as they say. Less is more.

I understand completely the wish to do it low key and escape but it's only one week of your life.

If she's horrible just stay strong and remember you will never see her again in 7 days.

If you need a reference try to face her and stay calm. She can't force you to stay and you are entitled to go.

Good luck with your happier life.

Been there, done that. It was awkward but it passed.

I actually handed my notice in on a horrible job on my 40th birthday, a present to myself.

I have had a job I love for 17 years now.

Break the ice and face your fears, it will be fine and you will be so relieved.

It’s the waiting and not doing it that is the most painful part.

Would you really want/need a reference for a job that you’ve only been in for 4 months?

Personally I would sweep this one under the carpet.

I’d take pleasure in telling her , watching her squirm , just think you won’t be there for much longer so don’t care.
come in you can do this , don’t over think it , it’s not worth the bother, be excited about never having to go back there again, once you’ve left.

I would just email a professionally sounding email and don’t give it a second thought, just grin and bear the last week knowing you are leaving. Who cares what she thinks.

I just typed mine and left it on his desk in that situation. I've never met such a vile man in all my life. He read the letter, looked furious and then told me I could leave immediately and he'd pay me my months notice. Happy days! Think he wanted the last say but it suited me!

Resign by email, say you feel you have been left with no option other than to do so due to her toxic bullying, and that you will be self certifying off sick with stress for the week.

References have to be factual legally. They're certainly not going to want to write you a bad one when you have put this in writing because it will look like retaliation.

4 months isn't long - do you have to declare the job at all? Could it not be a career break / job searching?

At the end of the day your health is more important - just leave and don't look back. Also there is a possibility of making the situation WORSE if she really goads you and distresses you so much you do something that could cause you a problem.

Sorry you're having such a shit time. I had a similar situation with a previous boss and I regret staying as long as I did - it eroded my confidence, destroyed my mental health and led to my career taking a big step backwards. I thought at the time it would be a bad thing to leave but with hindsight it would have done far less damage than staying did all round.

When I had one of those I emailed him on his WFH day (I had to work from office daily) so I didn’t have to face him. It was a Friday afternoon so he could stew all weekend.

My last job I handed my notice by email early Monday morning from home and never went back into the office. Left with immediate effect.

Same as you 4 months of bullying! 2 years later I'm in a job paying the double the wages and love it. In fact have also just recently gone for a promotion.

Although I was horrendously skint for a good few months, as a single parent it was a seriously silly move. But my god I don't regret it one bit!

I would keep it bland and just say that you are giving notice. You don't need to say why.

Get the reference from elsewhere and for future jobs say that it was not a good fit for you.

Im glad it all worked out for you. Did you leave without anything to go to? What did you say in interviews etc?

References now seem to be from and to date of leaving .
Glad you're getting out
Onwards and upwards
👍

Definitely keep it brief, factual, and by email. You can fart in her office and shut the door after everything is finalized.

I’d send an email and hand it in as well, perhaps in a sealed envelope if my boss terrified me as much as yours does to you.

Keep it as brief and devoid of feeling, facts and arguments as possible. Something like:

Dear Maureen,

I hereby give notice that I intend to leave this job. Today’s date is January 12th, therefore I assume my last day will be January 19th. Please advise if this is not the case.

Thank you for your attention,

Helen

If she asks why, just say a new opportunity has come up, but you don’t want to say anything more about it.

Why do you think you'd get a reference from these people anyway? Are you not worried they'd be petty, however politely you leave? You'll be worried sick about that until you've got another job secured.

If you were only in the job four months, you absolutely can tell a potential employer that you worked somewhere where they treated you very poorly. You quit, and there's no point asking them for a reference. I don't think that reflects poorly on you at all.

If that's at all convincing, you have permission to stay until the next pay day - then just walk out, block their number and never think about them again. No notice sounds perfectly fair. Good luck with it!

Take the high ground. I had to do something similar. I wrote a warm letter saying they needed someone but it wasn’t me and wishing them all the best for the future. I felt sick handing it over but so much better afterwards. HR were hugely sympathetic ( I suspect they knew what the issues really were). I ended up only working 2 days of my weeks notice. It’s best to get it over with as soon as you can.

Take your power back from your toxic boss. Resign professionally and don’t burn bridges. Thank the company for the opportunity and say but I’ve decided to leave as it’s not for you. Working x notice. Full stop. If she or anyone presses you for more, just repeat “ it’s not for me”.

This will allow you to take your power back. she hopefully ignores you after that best case scenario or will be meaner to you. If she gets meaner then use some language to deal with such folks plenty of those on Google for different types of meanies. As you’re leaving anyway you can practice how to deal with meanies starting with this one. Never let a bad thing go by without learning a lesson or getting a good thing out of it and all that.

Good luck with your interview!

Good luck with your new job and future progress.

I had been in a job 20+ years. I did not hand in my notice to my immediate boss. who was a miserable whinger I sent a one sentence letter to the head of the organization with no explanation. My immediate boss did not get the news for several days. He tried to find out where I was going and what I was doing but I told him it was none of his business. I did not need a reference as I was leaving to go to uni and I took great pleasure in denying him the knowledge of what I was doing. At a later stage one of my erstwhile colleagues told him I had gone to XYZ university, got a 1st and was staying on to do a masters. I would love to have seen his face. By that time the entire organization was in meltdown and half the staff had been made redundant.

I’d do it in person. Plonk the letter on her desk and walk back to yours.

As far as her reaction is concerned, what is there to be scared about? She’s hardly going to lamp you. However she reacts, just sit smiling at her and say nothing, probably will wind her up more.

There is absolutely nothing she can do from that point on. If she tries to make your life hell during the notice period, just ignore her, or down tools, there is zero she can do.

As far as a reference is concerned, I wouldn’t bother, that 4 months wouldn’t even make my CV.

I would email the boss and HR. I would also blind CC ýour personal email address and make sure I have clicked the "delivered"and "read" options on the email. Might sound like overkill but at least nobody can deny receipt of it.
Just put something like

I notify you that I have decided to resign from the role of....... . My last day of employment will be 31 January, however I have accrued annual leave so my last day working will be 24 January.

I would suggest getting some temporary work with an agency to keep the money coming in. It shows a prospective employer that you are willing to work too. You never know but it might be a toe in the door for the ideal job (I went for one assignment and ended up staying 7 years!)

"TheFireHorse
My last job I handed my notice by email early Monday morning from home and never went back into the office. Left with immediate effect.

Same as you 4 months of bullying! 2 years later I'm in a job paying the double the wages and love it. In fact have also just recently gone for a promotion.

Although I was horrendously skint for a good few months, as a single parent it was a seriously silly move. But my god I don't regret it one bit!"

Im glad it all worked out for you. Did you leave without anything to go to? What did you say in interviews etc?

On my CV I just didn't put dates.

Just put the job position, the company and the what I did in the role.

Still got lots of interviews, also I didn't worry about references nobody is going to give a bad reference. Got a minimum wage job within 2 weeks but continued to apply for jobs more in line with my experience.

Nobody asked at interviews about gaps as I didn't put dates. Although I had an answer ready just in case, along the likes of "I joined the role in good faith, but within the first few months it became clear the didn’t align with my skills. I believe in being upfront so chose to step away early rather than stay in a role that wasn’t right for either side.

Good luck OP. No job is worth that awful stress. I didn't pay my mortgage for 2 months as I struggled to make ends meet. But as I said on the previous post, I don't regret it one bit. I've since paidoff the outstanding mortgage payments and like I said am earning much much more and soooooo much happier!