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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ended an emotional affair by text

9 replies

Prontehpronto · 09/01/2026 21:22

Me and a married colleague were talking first a few months everyday for a few hrs at a time, I'm married too. We never spoke about our spouses but would talk about our lives, found we were quite similar and laughed alot. Physically attracted too. I suddenly realised the interaction we had was harmful, I started to resent my husband, idolised this person and was bereft if we didn't manage to talk or see one another. Realised nothing real could happen between us and we needed to stop, sent him a text telling him that we should not talk anymore as we talked alot, he was gracious, said he was surprised but understood where I was coming from. Neither of us openly acknowledged the emotional affair, we spoke alot and lots of looks, gazing and accidental touches, bit know that is a slippery slope. I feel bad for doing it via text and not calling him, I feel it dimishes the connection we had and feel guilty. I feel bad that he may be feeling suddenly cut off and sad. Advice to navigate how sad i feel and the guilt, feel like the end of a real realtionship and feels like grief. Do not plan to contact him again. No excuse how things developed, didn't see it coming, but feel very delicate so please be kind if you can, know that's lot to ask if you are the innocent partner on the other side.

OP posts:
WhatJustHappenedCelia · 09/01/2026 21:25

You’ ve done the right thing to end it. You need to try and focus on your marriage and put the other guy out of your head now. Good luck!

Aur0raAustralis · 09/01/2026 21:28

You've done the right thing by cutting it off abruptly. When it's got to this stage, trying to wind it down slowly or stay in touch wouldn't have worked. If he feels cut off and sad, that's on him for allowing an inappropriate connection to develop - these feelings are the logical consequence of that behaviour.

You need to stop dwelling on this and put the hours of energy you wasted on this man into your husband, family and work.

Whizzingwhippet · 09/01/2026 21:31

Well done for ending it. And anything that minimises it is good because this shouldn't have had a space in your head in the first place. Learn from it and start enjoying little gestures with your husband again.

Egglio · 09/01/2026 21:33

I'm going to go against the grain and ask if you are happy in your marriage?

toomuchfaff · 09/01/2026 21:35

I feel bad for doing it via text and not calling him, I feel it dimishes the connection we had and feel guilty. I feel bad that he may be feeling suddenly cut off and sad.

Don't. Doing it by text was the best thing for you, for your DH, and now you need to block him, delete him off all social media, every method of contact you have you need to stay away from. Dont think about the "connection you had" as being diminished, that "he may feel cut off and sad" - that connection was abhorrent to your marriage, your DH would feel worse and you owe him more than this man.

Well done for ending it. Unless of course you decide that youre going to end your marriage and pursue; leave it there.

Put that energy, that vigour, that effort into the husband by your side.

AncientMarina · 09/01/2026 21:39

You did the right thing. You need to keep busy, move on, concentrate on you, your life and your marriage. Now is not the time for introspection or what ifs.

SodOffbacktoaibu · 09/01/2026 21:45

Feel guilty about your husband, not this guy.

moderndilemma · 09/01/2026 21:58

Don't feel sad or bad about how or why you ended the relationship. You did the right thing.

I wonder how you are going to re-engage in your marriage.

ime you need to do some really practical things to deliberately love you dh, and to deliberately appreciate what you have together.

  • plan some events that you'd enjoy (a concert, a meal, a game of badminton)
  • write down 10 things that you appreciate about your dh (things that you appreciate more than the ea person)
  • think of one small thing you can do every day that shows dh that you are thinking of him (e.g. I set up dh's coffee pod and favourite mug and a biscuit for when he wakes up)
  • ask dh to do something really nice for you - tell him what you want
  • spend time planning together for a holiday or an event, get excited about something you are going to do together

Also, can you tell dh that you found someone else attractive, that maybe you felt unappreciated or un-noticed. Talking about it will kill the demon.

Prontehpronto · 09/01/2026 22:04

moderndilemma · 09/01/2026 21:58

Don't feel sad or bad about how or why you ended the relationship. You did the right thing.

I wonder how you are going to re-engage in your marriage.

ime you need to do some really practical things to deliberately love you dh, and to deliberately appreciate what you have together.

  • plan some events that you'd enjoy (a concert, a meal, a game of badminton)
  • write down 10 things that you appreciate about your dh (things that you appreciate more than the ea person)
  • think of one small thing you can do every day that shows dh that you are thinking of him (e.g. I set up dh's coffee pod and favourite mug and a biscuit for when he wakes up)
  • ask dh to do something really nice for you - tell him what you want
  • spend time planning together for a holiday or an event, get excited about something you are going to do together

Also, can you tell dh that you found someone else attractive, that maybe you felt unappreciated or un-noticed. Talking about it will kill the demon.

We've had problems in our marriage, my husband drank heavily and gambled but since I threatened to leave him, he us really trying to be better. I feel as if this other person taking up my head space was stopping me from acknowledging what my husband was trying to be better. Since I cut it off from this guy on Monday, I've been trying to be closer to my husband and we've even been intimate twice in that time, I feel attracted to my husband again. I feel sad about the end of the EA but feel relieved, I hope the other guy feels relieved too, we took up so much of each others time. I feel positive too, only sticking point is, we will come across each other again in the future as we work is a broad profession but in a niche industry. But hopefully the feelings of infatuation on both sides would gave faded by then.

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