To consider taking advantage of nepotism for the first and only time in my life?

[LorettaY]

I met a guy a at uni years ago and we pursued a similar career. Due to this we’ve been friends for 15 years (I wouldn’t say close but we keep in touch and he takes an interest in what I’m doing).

Last year, I had an early 30s breakdown, realising I didn’t want to be in that area of my career anymore. I’m now studying to enter a new area which my friend’s close relative happens to be high up in.

here’s the thing: I need to do a placement in the new year and my dream placement would be the organisation where his relative is the head. My professor told me without ‘connections’ it may be hard to get, and I’ve sat on it for months as I can’t bring myself to use this friendship as a leg up.

What would you do in my situation? Should I email his relative applying for the placement and mention his relative is a friend of mine? Or should I mention what I want to do to my friend and see if he’d vouch for me?

last option is I go it alone on my steam, but who knows if I’ll get lost on a desk pile that way…

You make your own luck. Pull the strings.

Don't name drop without asking your friend first - it may come off badly to the relative and scupper your chances.

So - ask by all means, but ask the friend.

Just approaching the relative saying you know him would be mental.

Ask your friend.

But what do I actually say to him, that I am going to send this email and wonder if he’s vouch for me? So I send the email without mentioning him and ask him to put a word in after.

Or, I mention I’m doing it to my friend first, and then actually mention our friendship in the email?

Message your friend saying that you are looking to pursue a placement at X organisation. Can they give you any tips for the kind of application they usually look for?
Friend can then offer as much or as little help as they want.

@TammySue the thing is, the only thing my friend can do is vouch for me if I ask him to.

hes not involved in his relative’s work at all so I’d really need to speak to the relative directly about why I want to be placed there etc

im cringeing just thinking about doing this but if I don’t, I might regret not taking the chance. And I think there is possibly a good chance.

Mention to your friend. Going direct to the relative and name dropping the friend might have the opposite effect if they think you're cheeky, trying to take advantage etc. Ask your friend if they can help you.

You can ask him outright if he can help you, assuming that you’re in regular contact and haven’t ignored him for 15 years?

I would ask him to put a word in with his relative and I wouldn’t feel bad about it because while it may not be fair unfortunately that’s the way the world works and you’ve got to look out for yourself.

Message your friend, explain your situation and ask whether they would make an introduction to the high up relative. Say you’d like to speak to someone in that industry/organisation and would appreciate an intro email.
It’s not clear from your post whether you know the relative or whether your friend and the relative are actually close, so definitely go via the friend. If you have a good relationship with them, I’m sure they won’t mind introducing you, start with that and then if you get a meeting and get on, ask whether the company offer placements. Not every organisation does or might have a specific scheme.
Good luck!

Don’t do this. How many people have approached your friend asking to get into this desirable organisation? He won’t appreciate that you need to put in a good word with his dad/mum/uncle/whoever.
Most serious companies and organisations can’t hire by nepotism anymore, they should have proper processes.
when we have an open role at my org, I’m not allowed to speak to any friends for acquaintances and give them tips for the application or interviews.

also your friend knows you from uni, he has never worked with you. How can he vouch for you in a workplace?
I think you are clutching at straws

That’s it, especially in this industry and I’m not from a rich family that could give me a leg up that way.

@ohyesido i havent ignored him. We arent in touch all the time but he keeps up with what im doing and also regularly asks after my mum! He already knows im a fan of his relative as we talk about him occasionally.

Obviously you should leverage your friend, assuming it’s a proper friendship. As an employer I’d much rather hire someone with whom I had some trusted intel on rather than someone random. Of course we go through the process of standard interview (public sector), but the person we know is a good bet will likely score more points…

I’d take advantage of this without a second thought.

I don't view that as nepotism.

It's networking and you'll still have to met the criteria etc. His relative isn't going to give you a position just because your friend says your a decent person. He wouldn't hire you unless he things you can do the job.

You don’t ask for a vouch you leverage the connection. Tell your friend you’re applying and ask if he can put you in touch with the relative so you can discuss it with them.

@SchoolDilemma17 yes its posts like yours that have deterred me so far!

as I said, it’s something I’ve never done before but if I don’t, I may really lose out. Maybe I do just view it as networking @Lifejigsaw

Do it

these thoughts don’t enter the heads of our politicians or bill gates, you know

Someone with a “privileged” background would see this as networking and would not think twice.

Agree with the last few posters. It's not nepotism. That would be your family member getting a paid role in the organisation for which he's not the best candidate.

This is networking and it is how people get ahead in their career. It gets you a foot in the door so your application gets more attention.

@Lifejigsaw has it exactly right - contact your friend, tell him the placement situation and ask him if he wouldn't mind contacting his relative with your details.

If you don't hear back from the relative, follow up yourself with an email to him stating that you understand (friend) got in touch about a potential placement etc. The relative might be busy and need that prompt to follow up.

Tell your friend that you are v interested in applying and could he introduce you to someone you could talk to about the role.

Its networking, you'll only get hired if you're qualified but having an 'in' can be so valuable. Use it for sure. Call your friend, tell them what you are applying for and ask them if they'd mention you to their relative. Do it asap.

I think any help you can get is a bonus, you would surely do the same in that position?

Just start with a general ask for advice then see how it goes. Xx

I think you’re massively overthinking this and people ask this sort of thing all the time. “Hi friend, as you know/don’t know I’m now doing X, I’m now looking for a placement. Any chance you could give me an intro to your cousin? Thanks so much” add as much extra flannel/detail as appropriate. I’ve made so many requests like this throughout my career and most people are incredibly happy to help support people. Honestly I messaged someone I met once briefly 10 years ago who was subsequently very important/wealthy/successful and he had a call with me when I reached out. Most people like to help others.