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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being an unreasonable nag or are my spidey senses right

12 replies

Ellielouxo · 09/01/2026 20:25

I married my husband last year after 18 months together. We went away together 3 months into the relationship. We were scrolling on his phone on reels and he clicked off the page and he had Snapchat. I asked why he had it lightheartedly and he said it was childish and hadn’t used it for years. He deleted it in front of me. I said that my ex had used it to chat to sex workers on and he said that he’d used it in the past for swapping intimate pictures when he was single so he understood my concerns.

There’s been some sexual issues (?) the last few months in that he’s a lot of the time “too tired” for sex and will say “later” if I try to initiate. This improved a bit and I put it down to work stresses.

Then I got really sick and ended up in hospital for 2 weeks. When I came out I was still poorly and had to have complete bed rest. Husband was pushing for sex even though I wasn’t well, saying stuff like we can do it slowly or let’s just cuddle and see what happens. I went with it a few times because tbh I couldn’t stand the constant asking. It made me exhausted so eventually I said I can’t.

Then he started to take long showers, up to an hour, which he’s never done before. He jokingly said when I was in hospital he’d be masturbating a lot (sorry tmi) which upset me tbh.

Tonight we were ordering food on his phone again and I saw the Snapchat icon again.

I asked why he had redownloaded it. He said he hadn’t. Then he said he must’ve needed to but can’t remember why. I asked when he downloaded it but he said he didn’t know. It was the last downloaded icon on his screen so it must’ve been fairly recently.

He spends a lot of time gaming in his games room alone.

Aibu to think this is shady or am I just being a nag?

OP posts:
nomas · 09/01/2026 20:31

He’s definitely sending naked pictures via Snapchat.

Get out now before you have kids with him and become like the woman who has just posted about her partner cheating BG with online girls during both her pregnancies. She took him back after he did it during the first pregnancy.

Ellielouxo · 09/01/2026 20:34

He clicked on the app when i asked and it was just chats with a mate a month ago.. can he delete other chats?

OP posts:
FunMustard · 09/01/2026 20:37

He’s definitely sending naked pictures via Snapchat.

That's a confident position to be taking on a single post.

Gabitule · 09/01/2026 20:37

As far as I’m aware you can delete chats in Snapchat.

I think the reason he promptly deleted the app in front of you 3 months in your relationship is to avoid being asked to open the app and show you his chats.

I’m so sorry op.

aside from the Snapchat issue, he’s a dick for pressurising you to have sex when you’re unwell.

nomas · 09/01/2026 20:39

Ellielouxo · 09/01/2026 20:34

He clicked on the app when i asked and it was just chats with a mate a month ago.. can he delete other chats?

Yes, of course. Chats on Snapchat auto delete within 24 hours unless you actively click save on each message and save it.

He is taking you for a mug.

Goodadvice1980 · 09/01/2026 20:39

Isn’t the bigger issue his lack of respect for your boundary on not feeling well enough to be intimate but he pushed past it?

HoseGoblin · 09/01/2026 20:40

Honestly I'd leave a man for having Snapchat at all. Anyone over the age of 21 using it is embarrassing enough to make my vagina pack up and leave the country, regardless of what they're using it for.

nomas · 09/01/2026 20:41

He deleted it in front of me.

OP, deleting an app from your phone does nothing. It doesn’t close you account. It stays on his cloud storage. All he needs to do is download it again and he is up and running on Snapchat and his existing account and address within 10 seconds. All his contacts are still saved.

DysmalRadius · 09/01/2026 20:43

I'd leave him because he was happy to have sex with you when he knew you didn't want to.

nomas · 09/01/2026 20:44

HoseGoblin · 09/01/2026 20:40

Honestly I'd leave a man for having Snapchat at all. Anyone over the age of 21 using it is embarrassing enough to make my vagina pack up and leave the country, regardless of what they're using it for.

Yes, people only have Snapchat to talk to young people. I have it to talk to young family members who don’t use WhatsApp. Otherwise it wouldn’t be in my phone at all. It’s not intuitive for millennials and above, you need a Gen Y brain and fingers for it.

usedtobeaylis · 09/01/2026 20:44

His sleazy harassing you for sex when you were unwell is the bigger issue.

Ellielouxo · 09/01/2026 22:24

I tell him no when I’m exhausted now but he keeps bugging me “just cuddle then, see what happens” / “we can kiss”

OP posts:
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