To leave an 11 year old and 13 year old?

[Pickingupabitnow]

Firstly, I admit the title sounds way more dramatic than the actual dilemma (😆 sorry!), but looking to start a 10 week evening course, 6.30pm to 9pm, half hour drive away - starting in mid April so won't be nearly so dark so early as now - but there will be some weeks where OH is working, so children ages above would be on their own for around 4 hours... Would others do this?

For background, we currently leave them (ATM 10 and 12) for around 3 hours every couple weeks on a weekend morning if it happens we are both working and all has been fine. This length of time is something we have only just started doing since beginning December (although have left for around an hour or so for a dog walk or shopping since youngest turned 10) and they have strict instructions to not cook, or answer the front door - we leave the back door into the garden unlocked in case of emergencies and lock the front door on exiting.
OH works around 10 minute (2 mile) drive from home and both kids at that time will have a phone. It has all worked fine, never had a drama.

So is this something others would do? Am I missing something?? I'm super keen to do it for personal reasons, and also feel it would boost my employability (creative art based course ).

I left mone at a similar age... but I only worked 10mins away and was out 5-7.30.

Tbh... its later at night then I would like. But its not a completely rational thought.
Is there anyone that can be on standby in case of problems?

If they are sensible and won’t fight then yes I think that is reasonable

I personally wouldn’t. Maybe I’ve watched too many crime documentaries but it’s just a risk I wouldn’t be prepared to take. You have to think through all possible scenarios, fire, someone insistent at the door, someone coming to the back door, someone breaking in, one of your children having an accident or fainting etc etc and think would they truly be able to handle those situations? If not, I wouldn’t risk it. Yes you’ve told them not to cook but all manner of accidents in the home could still happen - electrical fires for example.

It is a bit late IMO, but probably does depend a bit on your area.

I would, unless there’s mitigating circumstances

If they get on ok I'd be fine with that. I'd make a simple list of potential things that go wrong and what to do, but they are probably aware of that sort of thing already (eg how and when to phone 999). If you and DH aren't going to be able to get to them quickly in an emergency, I'd ask a trustworthy neighbour or friend to be available at the end of a phone and tell them not to answer the door to anyone

Urghh not sure now 😬 I agree it's the time of night that freaks me out a tad as well! OH would be back by around 9.15, 9.30 at the latest really, and only works 2 miles away but as you say a bit too far in an actual emergency... Maybe I should put it off till next year?!

Back garden is inaccessible from outside (bolted gate from inside) so not too worried about that but my mind does go to something like choking 😳 although there would still be that worry next year as well 🤔😆

Too long and too late in the evening for me to be comfortable with it. My dc are 12 and 14 and I wouldn’t.

Too long and too late in the evening for me to be comfortable with it. My dc are 12 and 14 and I wouldn’t.

my dd would’ve been at home in the evening on occasions on her own until about 10ish. I don’t see an issue with it if they’re sensible.

I had siblings who went to boarding school from 8 and I went to boarding school from 11. We were regularly not directly supervised for much longer though i guess there was always someone around you could find to help if something went wrong. If you are only half an hour away and could keep your phone on then I would not worry.

I would, but my kids wouldn't like it. So I couldnt, annoyingly!

If children ok with it, and sensible with telephone numbers and house rules, then I think fine

How do they feel about it. Is it something they are genuinely comfortable with themselves? Just because my oldest is very nervous once it starts getting dark.

I wouldn't have because my DC were not quite ready for that aged 11 (high functioning SEN). I left them once, when they were eleven and twelve, to have dinner with friends locally. They rang me several times and I came home to find they had hidden a kitchen knife under the sofa cushion. They just got spooked being alone. I politely pointed out to them that I used to baby sit for others at that age and thought they'd be embarrassed if I booked a sitter, but from then on for a year or two we got a cool, reliable, older teenage boy to come and watch footie or play games with them until they said they didn't want that any more.

Had to leave my 11 year old from 17.30-10.15 once a week on an ongoing basis to work. I had no choice in this, no one else to help me. It wasn't a big deal though, I had my phone and he liked it anyway because he could play Xbox all night with no one moaning at him!

The 13 year old maybe but not with them feeling responsible for the 11 year old at that time of night.

What’s the plan with dinner as well?

Would they then be expected to cook for themselves or wait till gone 9:30pm on a school night for dad to get home and the start cooking. Then let it digest while catching up then have a wash all before bed. A late few weeks.

Yes, I'd have left mine at that age.
I'd have no second thoughts.

I wouldn't be leaving the back door unlocked though - that seems an odd choice - why not just make sure the key is nearby ?

You could always say "What would you do if......" about any possible scenarios you think of before, so they've thought about it first.

Another thing that probably would never be needed, but that might reassure you is asking a neighbour, or other responsible adult who is close by if they would be happy to be called upon in the very unlikely event of an emergency.

I have a 15 year old who would love an occasional babysitting job like this. You just tell the 13 year old it's for the 11 year old, and make it clear they don't need much actual babysitting, just someone older in the house in case of emergency. My daughter would have done it for £20 a pop, and a lift home.

I'd leave them if I had responsible neighbours nearby who could help in an emergency. But we live in a semi-detached house in a cul-de-sac and know all our neighbours so there would be plenty of people on hand in an emergency.

If you live in a deserted farmhouse in the middle of nowhere, then no, I wouldn't leave them.

I would leave mine.

Do you have a good neighbour who they can call in an emergency I think i would feel better then.

Yes I left mine at that age .

I wouldn't be leaving children unless I could trust them to lock/unlock doors by themselves.

Espcially given that they could need to exit front or back in the event of a fire.

Having a neighbour or nearby parent friend they could call would be a good call.

I wouldn't stress about it, especially if your partner is 2 miles away