to take umbrage over this?

[Pomegranatecarnage]

I have been seeing a man I met OLD for four months. It’s been going well and I invited him to a NYE party with my friends, 7 couples and us. He came and enjoyed it. This Tuesday he messaged me to say he was away this weekend, so was I free on Wednesday or Thursday. I asked where he was going, and he replied that it was to a birthday party (about 130 miles away).
I think it’s weird that he didn’t mention it earlier (I saw him on Sunday) and that he didn’t invite me. If I hadn’t directly asked, he wouldn’t have told me. I feel that it shows a lack of interest, and it’s made me feel unwanted. Maybe I’m too needy?

It’s odd that he didn’t mention the party in conversation earlier. Not necessarily odd that he didn’t invite you. Would the birthday party 130 miles away involve an overnight stay?

It might be that it was a more formal party and not an open invite in the way NYE may have been?

It might not be his place to invite you. He’s presumably been invited by whoever’s birthday it is and doesn’t want to ask for a plus one. A new year party is different I think.

It's not his party and not up to him to invite people along, so you would be unreasonable to be annoyed on that front.

I could see how it may be considered odd that he didn't mention it before, however. As a sweeping generalisation, I find men compartmentalise things and this probably just didn't enter his brain as being of interest.

I don't think this would bother me at all. You've been seeing him for four months. I don't think that means he needs to tell you everything he's going in advance or invite you.

He just might feel differently about when he feels comfortable introducing a partner to others.

If isn’t his place to invite you to somebody else’s birthday. They could be paying for their guests at the bar, hosting a meal at their house at their expense, have limited numbers at whatever venue they’ve hired, they may simply not want a stranger at their birthday. I can’t see an issue that he didn’t tell you about if beforehand - it’s early dating days, it’s a friend’s birthday, I don’t think it’s something so major that he specifically needs to tell you about it beforehand.

You invited him to your gathering, he accepted and was happy to meet your friends, he had a good time, he messaged you to arrange another date earlier this week and provided availability. That indicates interest to me.

I don't think its weird at all for him to not invite you. If you've specifically talked about this weekend in conversation then maybe odd he hasn't mentioned it. But he might have felt weird mentioning something you weren't invited to.

Thank you for the replies. It’s a “surprise party” so the birthday man doesn’t know about it.
I suppose I am being unreasonable then. It just felt strange.

Yes, it would.

yeah bit weird to have someone you have never met before at your surprise birthday party lmao

Yes, you’re right.

Yes YABU, an overnight stay, to a party for someone youve never met or been introduced too.

Thats a weekend away with extra pressure, meeting nee people, its a big thing meeting friends.

Yes yabu for the reasons others have said and its only been 4 months!