FIL and cheap crap presents

[Ihaveafavouritemug]

Hi all,

Looking for advice as well as AIBU! Name changed to make less identifiable.

I have a two year old.

FIL is totally hooked on Temu, always talking about the latest bargain ("I probably won't even use it but it was only £2!" "I ordered one and they sent four!") - almost all of it is crap that is fit for the bin, and becomes landfill fodder within a few days. I must emphasise that FIL is very well off, just quite gullible on the Internet and possibly not the greatest critical thinker in the world.

At Christmas, he bought my son a felt Noah's Ark scene. I know it's from Temu as I've had the same in targeted ads. He LOVES it.

I'm worried because of the product safety warnings which were everywhere before Christmas, warning about loose parts (can't see any, but some small components are glued on rather than stitched), unsafe materials, even toxicity. Of course nothing is to usual European safety standards and there's no CE mark.

What's more, the ark has now been removed from sale on Temu because it's a copy of a product sold by a small business!

As I mentioned, my son absolutely loves it and wants to play with it all the time.

I don't feel able to say anything to FIL as he does free childcare for us and is highly likely to take the huff. Where we live in Wales there aren't any nurseries who could take him so I'm over a barrel on that one!

AIBU?
Yes - he's bought your child a gift they love and the risk is low
No - you're right to be worried about this.

Advice please! My options as I see them:
A) Keep the toy, use under supervision only
B) Chuck it and buy the proper replacement from the small business, don't tell FIL
C) "Encourage" the toy to fall apart or break in some other way, then ask FIL for the receipt to exchange - which won't be possible but may put him off ordering toys from Temu again, or may open doors to a conversation about product safety.

Leaning towards C or I think we'll have the problem every Christmas and birthday.

Not (C), FIL will just buy more tat.

I would get DH to have a word to say that you're asking everyone not to buy toys for DC because there is too much stuff in the house and you all can't cope with it.

@nomas this is a fair point! Thank you for replying! But the problem is I do want her to get nice presents- and it's not like he bought a crazy quantity.

The safety aspect is something you’ll have to assess on an ongoing basis - I wouldn’t give my child something I thought was actually dangerous - but aside from that, I probably would just grit my teeth and put up with this. It’s obviously giving FIL pleasure, and your child is happy. In my experience, you won’t get anywhere trying to change an elderly person’s mind when it comes to either gift-giving or ethical shopping (if you wanted to change my MIL’s mind you’d need a transplant surgeon, not a reasoned argument). I would pick my battles and prioritise the relationships.

You aren’t going to change what he buys. Just make sure it’s safe and supervise if need be.

@sprigatito haha glad to hear it's not just my family! I suppose my concern is about him putting it in his mouth if the dyes etc. are dodgy, but I'm maybe overthinking, and also being influenced by my general dislike of Temu 😅

I'd go with A or replace it with one from the original seller they copied it from.

@NotDarkGothicMama thank you! Your username made me laugh 🤣

I’d bin it all. Sorry.

You could send FIL one of those articles about dangers of Temu with a mock horrified comment along the lines of - OMG, have you seen this? I had no idea and Jimmy loved all those things so much, I can’t believe they were toxic, such a shame but we will just have to make sure we don’t fall for it again. Replace the arc, he will never know.

Where do you think 95% of children’s toys are made? I loathe Temu and Shein, but they’re no more likely to be shit quality then anything else made in china.

@CoastOfXmasPast this is a great idea!!! Might be the way to go!

@WilderHawthorn I'm actually not sure that's true - at least toys sold in UK shops have some degree of oversight and accountability, unlike these online marketplaces that remove products from sale at the first hint of trouble! I'm also not crazy about random Amazon sellers, for what it's worth 🫠

We were experiencing the exact same problem as the OP but also with clothes and this is the approach we took. It worked well, they had no idea of any safety concerns. I now no longer have to worry about it.

I'd bin it and replace it with the one you trust - god knows what is in some of these products. Once your kid is older he can have stuff you don't know the provenance of as he won't ever put things in his mouth or do other stupid things - if it breaks he will be old enough to manage that. But at 2 its not worth the hassle or risk.

Haha glad you like it. DarkGothicMama was the obvious username but I have light-coloured, high shedding cats so couldn't pull off goth even if I tried. They'd ruin every outfit.