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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH not told me of past propositions

5 replies

MungoDumbo · 08/01/2026 21:25

I’m not massively annoyed off, but AIBU to be a bit pissed off that my DH has just told me about a bunch of times different women have hit on him over the years? I mean I’m not pissed off he’s told me, I’m just a bit pissed off he’s not told me before or at the time it happened.

One woman about 20 years ago who was a fellow manager in a different department ‘lunged’ at him and tried to kiss him on a work night out. He backed off, she apologised and it was never mentioned by anyone again.

Different job 5 years ago, a woman from the same company but he didn’t work with regularly was ‘harassing’ him all night and “offered herself on a plate”, to the point other people had to tell her to stop because she wouldn’t take no for an answer. When he was leaving (driving and not drinking) he couldn’t get into his car because every time he tried to unlock it to get in, she tried to get into the passenger seat. He had to go back into the building and shake her off/lose her before running out and making his escape.

Another job 10+ years ago there was a group of them all quite good friends and one of the women walked up to him on a team night out and said loudly “come outside so I can suck you off”… he says he said “NO!” and laughed at the inappropriateness of it, which multiple people heard. She did that to a few of the men. The next morning there was a pair of knickers in the car park, which she confessed were hers but wouldn’t admit who the ‘lucky’ man was who had accepted her ‘invitation’. As a group they laughed about the way she behaved that night for years to come.

He doesn’t work in any of these jobs or with any of the same people anymore, but is still in contact with a few.

He wasn’t being showy off in telling me this, like all these women have tried it on, aren’t I a stud? And he wasn’t acting like I should be grateful that he’d not succumbed to any them, it just came up in conversation, and he said he doesn’t really know why he didn’t tell me at the time, but he thinks because I’d have been pissed off that he was still interacting with them afterwards. And also maybe that if it wasn’t just the once that he must’ve been leading them on into thinking they were in with a chance.

I don’t think I would’ve been pissed off if he’d told me when each one happened, but I do feel a bit pissed off now. AIBU unreasonable?

ETA I might’ve been more pissed off about the last one, Mrs BJ, because she came to our wedding reception so had met me. Then 2 years later we went to her wedding (she hadn’t yet met then husband on the proposition night)… but my pissed off-ness with that one is also that I stood talking to her at her wedding none the wiser that she’d offered my husband a BJ… feel a bit of a mug that he’d not told me that and I stood there complimenting her etc, when if I’d have known I could’ve at least made a sly dig like “let’s hope none of your guests here offer your husband a blow job in a car park in the near future hey? 😉”

OP posts:
Snowingtoday · 08/01/2026 21:37

I'm sorry but why on earth is he telling you all of this if not to big himself up as irresistible to women. And to enjoy making you jealous.
IF these things actually happened I would be wondering about how he behaves with other women because it 's difficult to imagine women repeatedly proposition him out of the blue.

MungoDumbo · 08/01/2026 21:45

Snowingtoday · 08/01/2026 21:37

I'm sorry but why on earth is he telling you all of this if not to big himself up as irresistible to women. And to enjoy making you jealous.
IF these things actually happened I would be wondering about how he behaves with other women because it 's difficult to imagine women repeatedly proposition him out of the blue.

Edited

Yes I get you, but it was 3 occasions over about 20 years, and all the occasions were on nights out when women were drunk.
I didn’t feel jealous in the slightest and honestly didn’t feel like he was trying to do that… felt more like “what’s the big deal, she’s not going to be pissed off about it now as it happened so long ago, and aren’t these funny stories?” I was laughing along at first in an “OMG, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about this” way at first, it was only after the third one I thought “hmm, actually…” And when my reaction changed vs how it’d been originally and I said “actually that’s really inappropriate, and I’m quite pissed off you let me stand in front of Mrs BJ chatting away with her at her wedding like nothing had happened… because I didn’t know it had! I feel a bit of a mug about that.” He said that hadn’t been his intention, just funny stories, but that he wished he’d continued to keep his mouth shut now.

OP posts:
FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 08/01/2026 21:55

Two things.
1-Why the fuck tell you now? There is literally no reason to impart this information.
2-What industry does he work in that has so many women that think sexual harassment is ok?

MungoDumbo · 08/01/2026 22:01
  1. Just ‘Funny’ stories of past work colleagues
  2. They were quite different: retail, something IT, healthcare
Woman 1 took no for an answer, woman 2 sounds like a pest and woman 3 well I think there’s a name for women like that! All were drunk though and all only happened on nights out, no subsequent occasions for each woman.
OP posts:
MungoDumbo · 09/01/2026 06:56

I've got quite a high % saying IABU, which I'm not trying to disprove, hence why I'm here asking. But can posters please enlighten me as to why they think I'm BU please?

OP posts:
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