Is this rude or very normal

[lownessy]

I have adhd so struggle to read social situations etc. often people like to make rough plans which I struggle with as I like routine and knowing which days I’m doing what. I had plans today to see a friend but due to last minute hospital appointment the plans had to be changed so we spoke about meeting up today after appointment or tomorrow. Friend never got back to me yesterday morning to confirm. She’s since been online posting. Often friends will make rough plans to meet say on Friday but never actually text to confirm yes or no until late Thursday evening. Lots of friends do it and I can’t tell if it’s rude or normal. I’m now sat wondering are we meeting up later or tomorrow. I’ve made plans before with another couple to go for a pub lunch and heard nothing about what time to meet until 2 hours before they wanted to meet. Husband had messaged other husband the night before to ask what time did they want to book the pub for.

If you want to know and have a plan in mind you take control, with a definite suggestion - I’d message the friend you’ve got vague plans with and say, ‘I’m still up for meeting later/tomorrow (whichever your preference), shall we say time at location.’

You don’t have to wait to hear from them :)

I am more you in this situation. I like to know details in advance and have plans set out. I have friends that are like yours and will wait until the last minute to ask where/what time the plans are. But the important thing is that they aren’t flaking or backing out, it’s just that they’re not as highly strung as me with regards to planning.

I’ve learned that if I want to know specific details I need to be direct and ask.

I'm like you OP. I can't cope with vague plans and find it very stressful not to know exactly what arrangements are and when. I'm autistic.
I find some people are almost impossible to pin down when trying to arrange times and places because doing things last minute or being fluid is just not a problem for them.

Thanks she’s messaged back this evening and we are meeting tomorrow but it did leave me in limbo all day as we had also mentioned meeting this evening. It’s also got worse for me since having a baby as I like to plan around my 1 year old

I have a small group of friends like this who don’t live locally but even when we’re in the same vicinity they can’t commit to any sort of plans but then expect you to jump at short notice and take the hump if you’ve made plans to do something else. They drive me crazy and I couldn’t tolerate it if I saw them more often. I have other friends who are more in the “we’ll do something on Saturday evening” category and then we decide nearer the time what we’re going to do.