To ask how to approach maintenance increase?

[StitchHappens]

Ex husband is self-employed. He works as a carer and runs a shop with his partner. I don't know his income. We have 2 kids (14 & 17). The 14yo stays at his 1 night a week (picked up at 8.30pm home at 5pm next day). 17 yo hasn't been to see him other than boxing day in the last 9 months and has autism that affects his day to day life. They may start seeing him one day a month, but this is reliant on exs parents taking them. Ex pays £200 per month. We do not get on well. Our arrangement is between us and has been the same for the past 5 years. No CMS involvement.
Can anyone help me with how to approach asking him to increase the maintenance as it is getting more and more of a struggle to keep up with costs? I did ask if he could increase it at all about a year ago and was just told no. At the time I didn't go through CMS as from what i understood with him being self employed makes it far trickier to estimate a figure, and I really can't afford to get less than the £200 I do at the moment.

You will get a lot of people telling you that the amount he is paying you is a pittance (which is true) and to go through CMS. But a word of caution, my exh is also self employed and has gone from paying something whenever he feels like it, to nothing at all, since I opened a case with the CMS. Now the CMS have told him he is not legally obliged to pay anything, he takes that as permission to do exactly that. However, if your ex has a mortgage, declares his income correctly and the shop is successful, you may well find that you get more. But you risk rocking the boat.

Thanks, this is my concern. His partner has a house but I don't know if he is on the mortgage for it or not. I think he probably does declare his income at the moment but if he thinks I am going to put in a claim this may change.

Is your oldest in education or training? If not, I think maintenance would end soon for him anyway.

For the youngest, does he go for holidays too? If so, you may find £200 a month is about right. If the house and business are in his partner’s name, ex can easily fiddle the books so he ends up paying less.

I probably wouldn’t gamble if you can’t afford to lose.

Is the business a limited company? You can check his accounts as they haven’t be lodged with Companies House.

Yes, eldest has an ehcp and will more than likely be in education until 25.
Holidays are hit and miss. Youngest sometimes goes, but generally prefers to stay here, so only goes if I am working and there's no other option.

I don't think so. I can't see it on the register.

You can see whether he is on the title deeds of the house. HM Land Registry. We can download the title register of any property for around £6-8 I think.

Yet anothwr absolute deadbeat, pathetic excuse for a father. Disgusting man. You wouldnt be at all unreasonable to ask, but i doubt youll get anywhere, he clearly doeant love his kids.

I'd be wary. The shop might be his partners on paper and he 'helps' out

Hi Xxx, the cost of living has risen by 28% in the last five years and I am therefore struggling to feed and cloth our children as you've not increased the amount you contribute. Would you please have a think about increasing the amount from next month. This money is for our children not for me, please remember that.

This is what I'm concerned about.
I just don't get how it's ok for him to contribute £25 per child a week! If I did that I'd be prosecuted for neglect (quite rightly) as they wouldn't have a roof over their heads! It's frustrating, but it seems I made the right choice just go with it so far.

I asked my ex to increase his maintenance, after years of him lying to my face that he was earning so little money and was always skint

he reported me to social services and tried to go for 50:50 contact.

got back in touch with my solicitor from the divorce and sent him a few letters, invited him to mediation, and then he decided he would go through the cms for maintenance.

Ended up that he now pays about £100 a month or so more, but I had a hell of a lot of stress to get that and sometimes I wonder if I’d been better to just keep my mouth shut and accept being lied to etc.

I do get a small amount of satisfaction however out of the fact that I no longer have to talk to him and he’s too ashamed to even show his face now when he collects our child for his every other weekend contact!

Yep sad state of affairs that self employed can manipulate money.