To be stressed or is this normal work life?

TempAccForWork · 2026-01-08T04:03:09+00:00

Work in a small team where 3 have left in the last year, leaving 5. It's been incredibly stressful with all of us doing more work. The initial plan was to not replace them, but when that transpired to be a bad idea (we were very very busy) they did hire but our industry has standard 3 month notice period so it'll be a while till we see someone. I don't know why this wasn't pre-empted as it didn't seem logical to expect us all to absorb 2-3 people's work. When I asked my outgoing LM for help chatting through my priorities she told me to just find a way to do it all as everyone is in the same boat. I can't even get hold of my new LM to talk to him - he dodges calls and doesn't call back, and when I emailed him asking for a catch up said to wait a month as he doesn't know what's going on either. I've never had a 1:1 with him which I find really weird as the first thing I do as LM is chat to the people I manage to find out how they are doing. I don't know what to do. It's hard for me to get another job as I work PT and most companies don't want to touch that in a new hire. But more to the point, in the immediate term I'm thinking about work all the time, trying to switch off for bed but waking up at 3am regularly...and feel very alone at work as there is no support from the top

ladycardamom · 08/01/2026 04:48

No I dont think thats normal for work. If you cant change jobs you could try learning about commitment and acceptance. I found it useful.

Catza · 08/01/2026 07:07

You can only do what you can do. They are short-staffed, you can't get a hold of your manager. Sounds to me that they are not exactly micromanaging or will be keen to do let people go for "poor" performance. I would sit tight, do the amount of work you can in the time you have available and, if anyone questions you, go above your manager's head. Make sure all your conversations about workload are formally recorded, even if it means sending your manager summary emails after every meeting.
Often, companies rely on conscientious employees to plug gaps in recruitment but you absolutely don't have to absorb workload which is beyond your capacity. What's the alternative? You going off work with stress and leaving them even more short? Nobody wants that either so they will have to rethink their approach.

LemonLeaves · 08/01/2026 07:20

I feel for you. If your manager is dodging you then the important thing is to keep an audit trail which shows you have informed them of what you are doing and not doing. Then if the shit hits the fan on something that hasn't been picked up, it's on them rather than you.

Email over a key task list in order of priority at the start of each week. Position it as keeping them informed as you aren't currently having 121s. Remind them that it won't be possible to do everything on the list as there is more than 1FTE of work and that you are 0.8 (or whatever your hours equivalent is). Ask them to let you know if they have any concerns or disagree with the proposed order, and that you are happy to discuss if they want to chat through.

Then at the end of the week, forward on the same email with an update noting what's been completed and what's still outstanding. Reiterate the request for them to let you know if they have any questions or concerns.

Original poster

TempAccForWork · 08/01/2026 07:33

LemonLeaves · 08/01/2026 07:20

I feel for you. If your manager is dodging you then the important thing is to keep an audit trail which shows you have informed them of what you are doing and not doing. Then if the shit hits the fan on something that hasn't been picked up, it's on them rather than you.

Email over a key task list in order of priority at the start of each week. Position it as keeping them informed as you aren't currently having 121s. Remind them that it won't be possible to do everything on the list as there is more than 1FTE of work and that you are 0.8 (or whatever your hours equivalent is). Ask them to let you know if they have any concerns or disagree with the proposed order, and that you are happy to discuss if they want to chat through.

Then at the end of the week, forward on the same email with an update noting what's been completed and what's still outstanding. Reiterate the request for them to let you know if they have any questions or concerns.

Thank you this is really helpful.

Yes one of the people's who's work I'm trying to take on worked full time and I work 60% part time so my workload has more than doubled..plus she knows what she's doing whereas I have to dig around the old files and read up on what was done before and what needs to be doing now which all takes more time.

I could easily go full time and still fill my day except I'm caring for a dependent so can't increase my hours, although that was my initial suggestion to my manager and he never got back to me! It's no longer an option as dependant has deteriorated and it would take me too long to find someone to replace me

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Patchworkquilts · 09/01/2026 02:12

totally agree with the plan that LemonLeaves outlines.
This is not normal. YANBU. It is vital that you document everything. Especially reminding that not everything is possible within your hours and asking them if they have concerns with your plan is very important.
Would also like to say that not being to sleep over work is not normal and a sign of getting burned out. I would advice you to chat to your gp about this, to create a paper trail of the effect this is having on your health.
I hope you don’t need all these paper trails but you’ll be glad you have them if they try to get rid of you.

HoseGoblin · 09/01/2026 04:33

I work in emergency services and I'm less stressed than you sound, and my job is sold as stressful and high pressure.

It sounds like the place is horribly mismanaged. Is what you do worth you losing sleep over it? I know it's not as easy as just swanning into a new job but I'd definitely be looking if I were in your shoes.

PloddingAlong21 · 09/01/2026 05:11

I’m in a similar position but full time. I’m writing this before 5am as I wide awake since 4am and trying to distract myself from just starting emails.

No. This isn’t normal. It is stress leading to burnout.

I am lucky Christmas came when it did. I didn’t realise how exhausted I was and slept a lot for 2 weeks! Still logged on and worked in the middle for 3 days to catch up. I have started back much calmer and with more clarity I desperately needed months ago. I also concluded right now leaving isn’t an options. It’s a high paid role and anywhere I go will be a certain stress level, but this has flexibility in other aspects which are a large benefit to me.

I am setting very strict boundaries with myself on when I finish. Not checking my emails in the evening etc and focusing more on ensuring I get quality sleep (work in progress). Also we are understaffed but hiring (extreme fast hyper growth company so we can’t hire quick enough scenario) - and I’ve given myself permission to say “well if I can’t do that by 530pm, that’s on them, not me.” and sticking to it and not letting guilt consume me or tricking me into doing it. I often work until 9pm on and off otherwise.

Watching here for other words of wisdom.

I would actually go to HR because your LM sounds as useful as a chocolate teapot which is entirely unacceptable.

Original poster

TempAccForWork · 09/01/2026 09:23

ladycardamom · 08/01/2026 04:48

No I dont think thats normal for work. If you cant change jobs you could try learning about commitment and acceptance. I found it useful.

Could you explain more please?

OP posts:

Original poster

TempAccForWork · 09/01/2026 09:24

Catza · 08/01/2026 07:07

You can only do what you can do. They are short-staffed, you can't get a hold of your manager. Sounds to me that they are not exactly micromanaging or will be keen to do let people go for "poor" performance. I would sit tight, do the amount of work you can in the time you have available and, if anyone questions you, go above your manager's head. Make sure all your conversations about workload are formally recorded, even if it means sending your manager summary emails after every meeting.
Often, companies rely on conscientious employees to plug gaps in recruitment but you absolutely don't have to absorb workload which is beyond your capacity. What's the alternative? You going off work with stress and leaving them even more short? Nobody wants that either so they will have to rethink their approach.

Unfortunately there isn't anyone over his head now as that guy retired...
Summary emails after each meeting is a good idea

OP posts:

Original poster

TempAccForWork · 09/01/2026 09:25

LemonLeaves · 08/01/2026 07:20

I feel for you. If your manager is dodging you then the important thing is to keep an audit trail which shows you have informed them of what you are doing and not doing. Then if the shit hits the fan on something that hasn't been picked up, it's on them rather than you.

Email over a key task list in order of priority at the start of each week. Position it as keeping them informed as you aren't currently having 121s. Remind them that it won't be possible to do everything on the list as there is more than 1FTE of work and that you are 0.8 (or whatever your hours equivalent is). Ask them to let you know if they have any concerns or disagree with the proposed order, and that you are happy to discuss if they want to chat through.

Then at the end of the week, forward on the same email with an update noting what's been completed and what's still outstanding. Reiterate the request for them to let you know if they have any questions or concerns.

Thank you that's really helpful. I'm in freeze mode at the moment with the volume I have 🙈

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Octavia64 · 09/01/2026 09:26

Yeah I was in this situation.

manager wasn’t helpful as they knew full well there was way too much work for the number of people.

it is very stressful.

Original poster

TempAccForWork · 09/01/2026 09:26

HoseGoblin · 09/01/2026 04:33

I work in emergency services and I'm less stressed than you sound, and my job is sold as stressful and high pressure.

It sounds like the place is horribly mismanaged. Is what you do worth you losing sleep over it? I know it's not as easy as just swanning into a new job but I'd definitely be looking if I were in your shoes.

It's definitely not worth losing sleep over! I have been looking and one company do want me! But I came on here to get a sense check of whether this is perfectly normal and just how life is as I have anxiety which can cloud my judgement

OP posts:

Original poster

TempAccForWork · 09/01/2026 09:27

PloddingAlong21 · 09/01/2026 05:11

I’m in a similar position but full time. I’m writing this before 5am as I wide awake since 4am and trying to distract myself from just starting emails.

No. This isn’t normal. It is stress leading to burnout.

I am lucky Christmas came when it did. I didn’t realise how exhausted I was and slept a lot for 2 weeks! Still logged on and worked in the middle for 3 days to catch up. I have started back much calmer and with more clarity I desperately needed months ago. I also concluded right now leaving isn’t an options. It’s a high paid role and anywhere I go will be a certain stress level, but this has flexibility in other aspects which are a large benefit to me.

I am setting very strict boundaries with myself on when I finish. Not checking my emails in the evening etc and focusing more on ensuring I get quality sleep (work in progress). Also we are understaffed but hiring (extreme fast hyper growth company so we can’t hire quick enough scenario) - and I’ve given myself permission to say “well if I can’t do that by 530pm, that’s on them, not me.” and sticking to it and not letting guilt consume me or tricking me into doing it. I often work until 9pm on and off otherwise.

Watching here for other words of wisdom.

I would actually go to HR because your LM sounds as useful as a chocolate teapot which is entirely unacceptable.

Omg yes Christmas was so relaxing and I really needed the break! Thank you for this re boundary setting, I needed to be reminded of that. Plus what @LemonLeaves to protect my time.

OP posts:

Original poster

TempAccForWork · 09/01/2026 09:28

Octavia64 · 09/01/2026 09:26

Yeah I was in this situation.

manager wasn’t helpful as they knew full well there was way too much work for the number of people.

it is very stressful.

Thank you it is! What helped you get out of it? Did it just get sorted over time or did you change job?

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HoseGoblin · 09/01/2026 13:42

TempAccForWork · 09/01/2026 09:26

It's definitely not worth losing sleep over! I have been looking and one company do want me! But I came on here to get a sense check of whether this is perfectly normal and just how life is as I have anxiety which can cloud my judgement

Show quote history

Oh you have my complete sympathy, I've struggled with anxiety for years and it does skew your perspective on what's genuinely "too much" and what's normal but your brain is over exaggerating.

I'd say this situation definitely falls into the "too much" camp. You spend half your life at work, absolutely no sense in being miserable and sleepless over it.

EmmaStone · 09/01/2026 14:10

Are you able to delegate some work? Is there anyone who's been hired and you're just waiting for them to start (ie a short term issue)?

I have a team member who's just reduced their hours before we could get someone in to plug the gap, but it's only a month, I keep asking them if they need any of us to pick stuff up, but they keep batting me away. That doesn't help them or me as their LM when deadlines don't get met. They're constantly stressed, but if they'd accept the offers of help, or if they'd set out that their workload is too much, it would help them, and me!

I guess what I'm saying is, be realistic, don't be a martyr, keep asking for help or delegate elsewhere as much as possible.

Octavia64 · 09/01/2026 14:35

TempAccForWork · 09/01/2026 09:28

Thank you it is! What helped you get out of it? Did it just get sorted over time or did you change job?

Show quote history

I changed job.

subsequently the company failed a couple of inspections and a lot of changes were made but so was elsewhere by that point.

Farticus101 · 09/01/2026 14:57

I had this (also working part time due to caring responsibilities and expected to do a full time role). My to do list was impossible. I was micromanaged though which made it unbearable as my meetings involved alot of 'so you haven't done this' followed by further lists of jobs to do.

I was waking up in the middle of the night to get work done and taking my laptop on days out. My wake up call was feeling very dizzy in the middle of the night and nearly fainting due to stress. I was also feeling so disconnected from my life and the people around me as my thoughts were so preoccupied with work.

I did actually change roles which involved being paid less but gave me my life back. We are conditioned to believe we should cope but some companies will treat employees appallingly and we shouldn't be afraid to say no.

surreygirly · 09/01/2026 15:03

Who said work is NOT stressful?
Unless you work for a council or similar where there is not a profit drive work just is stressful

Original poster

TempAccForWork · 09/01/2026 18:17

EmmaStone · 09/01/2026 14:10

Are you able to delegate some work? Is there anyone who's been hired and you're just waiting for them to start (ie a short term issue)?

I have a team member who's just reduced their hours before we could get someone in to plug the gap, but it's only a month, I keep asking them if they need any of us to pick stuff up, but they keep batting me away. That doesn't help them or me as their LM when deadlines don't get met. They're constantly stressed, but if they'd accept the offers of help, or if they'd set out that their workload is too much, it would help them, and me!

I guess what I'm saying is, be realistic, don't be a martyr, keep asking for help or delegate elsewhere as much as possible.

Yes there will be someone new in 3 months. I'm delegating as much as I can in the meantime. I wish I was being a martyr! But I told my now retired LM I had too much and just wanted to find out my priorities and she just shrugged her shoulders and said we're all in the same boat. To be fair she'd been a lot more helpful before but I think was just burnt out in the run up to retirement. My new LM hasn't spoken to me at all.

OP posts:

Original poster

TempAccForWork · 09/01/2026 18:17

Octavia64 · 09/01/2026 14:35

I changed job.

subsequently the company failed a couple of inspections and a lot of changes were made but so was elsewhere by that point.

Show quote history

That's really interesting. Can't say why as outing but I feel like that could easily happen here

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Original poster

TempAccForWork · 09/01/2026 18:19

Farticus101 · 09/01/2026 14:57

I had this (also working part time due to caring responsibilities and expected to do a full time role). My to do list was impossible. I was micromanaged though which made it unbearable as my meetings involved alot of 'so you haven't done this' followed by further lists of jobs to do.

I was waking up in the middle of the night to get work done and taking my laptop on days out. My wake up call was feeling very dizzy in the middle of the night and nearly fainting due to stress. I was also feeling so disconnected from my life and the people around me as my thoughts were so preoccupied with work.

I did actually change roles which involved being paid less but gave me my life back. We are conditioned to believe we should cope but some companies will treat employees appallingly and we shouldn't be afraid to say no.

I'm glad it got sorted!

Definitely something needs to change as I can't keep this up for another 3 months. Especially when it would have been so easy to avoid

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Original poster

TempAccForWork · 09/01/2026 18:19

surreygirly · 09/01/2026 15:03

Who said work is NOT stressful?
Unless you work for a council or similar where there is not a profit drive work just is stressful

I don't mind stress but when it spills into my panic zone it's too much. Eg am learning a lot and enjoying that. But then another email comes in with another thing to do and I go into panic mode.

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Original poster

TempAccForWork · 09/01/2026 18:26

TempAccForWork · 09/01/2026 18:17

Yes there will be someone new in 3 months. I'm delegating as much as I can in the meantime. I wish I was being a martyr! But I told my now retired LM I had too much and just wanted to find out my priorities and she just shrugged her shoulders and said we're all in the same boat. To be fair she'd been a lot more helpful before but I think was just burnt out in the run up to retirement. My new LM hasn't spoken to me at all.

Show quote history

To be fair there is one person who will actually listen and tell me what the priorities are but he's also too busy and has been for ages and not much has been done about it - I feel like it's only a matter of time before he quits or starts passing the pressure downwards which will make it an impossible atmosphere to work in

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