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to find think this is an odd way to do a funeral

26 replies

2shoes · 12/06/2008 13:42

years ago one of my neighbours died. she had been ill for years.
the funeral was "different" no members from the family attended. no one spoke. no vicar. no one!
you sat read the service poem signed a book. bye bye coffin and went home.
now her husband has died. Just got the letter and the funeral is the same.
I am going (alone)
but is this a normal idea??

OP posts:
lulumama · 12/06/2008 13:44

it might hvae been specified in their last request that they wanted no fuss

luckywinner · 12/06/2008 13:44

are they quakers? i think this is what happens a quaker funeral although not 100% and could quite possibly be making it up.

fryalot · 12/06/2008 13:45

I think quakers have a policy of being quiet in church, so perhaps it is a quaker funeral...

cc21 · 12/06/2008 13:46

If its what they wanted then 'yes' I'd say its okay. Not usual, but who's to say what the norm is or should be

sophiewd · 12/06/2008 13:46

This sounds very much like a Quaker funeral, you sit in silence unless you feel like speaking.

charliecat · 12/06/2008 13:46

sounds great

EffiePerine · 12/06/2008 13:46

I ratehr like the idea

2shoes · 12/06/2008 13:46

not sure if they are religious at all.
I don't know the daughters very well(they are older than me)
just seems "different"
I do hope I am not the only person who turns up. he was a lovely old bloke.

OP posts:
2shoes · 12/06/2008 13:47

sophiewd no one speaks. just music playing, not special music iynwim.

OP posts:
DeeRiguer · 12/06/2008 13:47

not normal to me, always a send off
infact i always think the funerals are better than the weddings in our family

maybe they were mutes? or their wishes??

SoupKitchen · 12/06/2008 13:48

don't think its a quaker thing.
Seems strange to me, but if no family and wishes specified simple non religious service, I can't se the problem really.
Funerals IMO are for those left behind not the dead.

claricebeansmum · 12/06/2008 13:48

My grandparents both had funerals like this at the crematorium. They had no beliefs. It was hard - 2 minutes silence but it what they wanted.

theyoungvisiter · 12/06/2008 13:49

I think you can speak at Quaker funerals, but people in the congregation have to be moved to stand up and speak.

I've never been to a quaker funeral but I have been to quaker weddings and they are the same. The service begins with a long period of silence and it would (I suppose!) be perfectly ok not to have anyone stand up and speak - there aren't any rules I don't think. And there's no vicar as such, it's up to the congregation to decide what to say and when.

sophiewd · 12/06/2008 14:08

Just read Soupkitchens link and it says you can speak.

LynetteScavo · 12/06/2008 14:10

This is definately not a quaker funeral.

Where was the funeral held?

Bumdiddley · 12/06/2008 14:13

I think it's lovely.

Quiet contemplation of a life lived.

Maybe they had been to too many funerals with Robbie Williams and Celine Dion soundtracks. Oh, and the wailing and gnashing of teeth.

I'm not having a funeral. I'm giving my body to medical science.

LynetteScavo · 12/06/2008 14:15

Bumdidley - don't you think other people will have a need to say good bye to you in some way? Funerals are for other people really, aren't they, as you aren't really there, IYSWIM>

Ecmo · 12/06/2008 14:17

you can still have a funeral afterwards bumdiddley. They give the relatives the remains back up to 3 years later. Have just arranged this for my dad when he dies although they are VERY fussy about what you die from. Basically they want you to be perfectly healthy...but dead!

Bumdiddley · 12/06/2008 14:20

People can say goodbye to me if they wish.

I just think that the religious ceremony/ grave/ cremation thing is expensive and unnecassary. Dh agrees. If someone wants a memorial service for them the they can. My body need not be present, I'm not in it after all!!

Bumdiddley · 12/06/2008 14:22

Ecmo - yeah, I heard that. I was hoping they would use my skeleton as a medical tool!! But I think they only use plastic ones now!!

misdee · 12/06/2008 14:22

i want people to dance when i die.

have fun enjoy life"

policywonk · 12/06/2008 14:27

When my mother died recently, she had wanted for there to be no funeral at all; she just wanted small printed cards to be sent out saying that she had died, but that there would be no funeral, no flowers, no donations etc. My dad had to work quite hard to convince her that those left behind would feel saddened by this approach. We ended up having a rather low-key, non-religious service conducted by one of her friends - still no flowers or donations though.

But, in the end, it's important to do what the deceased wished, I think.

Ripeberry · 12/06/2008 14:38

Think that a quiet funeral would be lovely.
I'm dreading the day my parents die of course but there is no way i could stand up and say things about them, cos i would blubb too much.
It should be a time of quiet contemplation not stressing about "keeping the stiff upper lip"
Im going to buried under a tree as part of a "green funeral".

AbbeyA · 12/06/2008 14:42

I don't think that there is a 'right' or 'normal' way to do a funeral. It is up to the individual.

cmotdibbler · 12/06/2008 14:50

Sounds lovely to me. I've been to some funerals where the vicar obviously didn't know the person, and they'd cast around to find something to say about them.

And then I went to one the other week where the husbands address was in the form of a letter to his deceased wife (someone read it for him). It was sooo touching, especially as she'd been very ill for a long time. The music was recordings that their daughter(who died 3 years ago)had done.

Equally, my aunts where you met in their living room round the coffin, walked down the path to their wood, and watched as she was buried there was very special too.

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